save Britney’s sex tape!

Britney Spears

In the realm of celebrity myths, some inspire more fervent belief than others. No-one really believes that Michael Jackson was black or human once, for instance. But a great many fans have a passionate interest and zealous, if somewhat sweaty, belief in the existence of the mythical Britney Spears/Kevin Federline sex tape.

A mythical sex tape we have covered before at the ol’ raincoaster blog.

But, good people, there’s more to the story than what we wrote there.

Far more.

Rumours surfaced that the former KFed (now known as Fed-Ex) had a copy of the tape, and was threatening to release it unless bought off with millions of dollars and custody of their two children, Tater Tot and Federletus 2.0.

That’s where you come in.

Yes, fans, the spotless reputation of your idol, Ms. Britney Spears, simple Southern gal, single mom, and salt of the Earth (or at least one of those white powders, of one of the planets, maybe Venus) depends upon you. Play this delightful flash game and catch all the sex tapes Federline can throw before they reach the paparazzi.

Play the Britney Flash game.

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The New York Media Mafia: keeping my dreams alive

Alan Rickman, yo! Ya wouldn’t normally a-thunkit, but the New York media establishment (or counterestablishment) whatever, the New York media hegemony (how I love that word), has today played a large part in keeping my most dearest, secretest, sweetest dreams alive, contrary to their traditionally dream-shattering ways.

They told me Alan Rickman is just as charming drunk as he is sober.

And also that he has a bit of a thing for school uniforms.

Alas! I went to a hippie school, and doubt that a Guatemalan poncho, Che tee and cutoffs quite meets the standard.

Nonetheless, I am willing to try.

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This England??? For all those who love England’s green-faced, unpleasant, bland…

 Kate Moss...it was so long agoIt seems so long ago that legendary beauties Kate Moss and Sophie Dahl were discovered in England; things are apparently very different now.

Ladies and gentlemen, stop what you’re doing. While we have all been going mindlessly about our daily business, perhaps dropping a dime into a beggar’s cap, writing a cheque for Darfur, protesting the Iraq invasion, or tithing to Greenpeace, a silent crisis has been brewing in the United Kingdom.

Your dollars, your rubles, your rupiahs: they will not solve this terrible problem. Indeed, they seem to have pounds galore, more than they know how to spend properly: this commodity is more precious. Money cannot solve this. There is only one thing that can.

Beaver.

Gentle readers, click upon the link I shall give you, and as you do so, realize that in the land that gave the world the Spice Girls, this is what currently rents for £640 an hour. Keep the eyewash handy, people.

Book your flights now: do your part for England. Or at least, share your parts with England.

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Dr Who vs the Disco Daleks

What’s that coming over the hill? Is it a drag queen? Is it a drag queen?

Why, yes. Apparently it is. Or the next-best thing, a Disco Dalek with a Barbie handbag. Extra credit for making the Cybermen do the Robot.

Funny, I don’t remember that episode.

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what really happened down there?

squid vs yellow submarine, guess who wins? 

It was the Sixties; nobody was straight enough to really keep track. Still, it was a horrible shock when I found out what had actually happened to the Beatles‘ famed Yellow Submarine.

In a Summer of Love polychromatic perverse update of HP Lovecraft’s The Call of Cthulhu, the hapless yet peaceable vessel and flagship of the Flower Child Armada was seized by the forces of our recrudescent Cthulhu cult and is even now being “repurposed” for who knows what unnameable role in the coming ApoCthalypse! Checking out that last link, I think we can all understand what happened to the crew…poor sods.

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