Polly want an honorary degree, consulting fee and reality show?
Well it IS the Twenty-First Century. Even parrots have gone upscale.
It seems that there’s this kid Dylan, and he was, not unlike the great Tennyson, moving forward in age while showing no respect for some of the great milestones of childhood such as learning speech. Indeed, from our vantage spot somewhat farther along in space/time, we ourselves tend to think that such activities are highly overrated; all our alter personalities agree.
So language was all like, Dylan, learn me, and Dylan was all like, talk to the Lego and his parents were all like, OMG he’s autistic! Let’s get a parrot, and that solved things.
Dylan Hargreaves, four, has severe learning difficulties and had never uttered a single word.
But after listening to macaw Barney, he can now say “Night, night”, “Dad”, “Mum”, “Ta”, “Hello” and “Bye”.
And experts think he is close to his first two-syllable word…
…Michelle reckons her son’s first two-syllable word will be Barney, because he loves his pet so much.
Hell-O?
Okay, so it looks like the gene pool isn’t very deep here, but what is the excuse for A) these so-called “experts” and B) the hacks at the Sun who presumably know the meaning of the word syllable?
HELLO???
Dylan, boy, when you grow up to be Poet Laureate, please remember raincoaster was in your corner back in the early days. Good luck; with a team of supporters like this, you’re going to need it.
:: 
:: 
:: 
:: 
:: 
:: 
:: 
:: 
:: 
:: 
What can be said about Brian Atene that hasn’t been said already, probably by himself?
Well he’s BACK, ladies and gentlemen, and we at the ol’ raincoaster blog have got him!
In fact, we at the ol’ raincoaster blog are so behind we actually gave him to Defamer and they ran it on Monday (even though we were banned; we’re too, too kind, and as for our subsequent un-banning, let me just say that Gawker Media interns are shockingly susceptible to a properly executed tandem deployment of the Venus Butterfly and the Mars Rover and now we return you to your regularly scheduled blog), that’s how backlogged we are. But we bit the bullet and swallowed the ex-lax and unclogged the pipes and shat out the following new video from Brian Atene, just for you.
He’s on a quest: a quest to return Lando Kalrissian to his rightful place at the command of the Millennium Falcon, with faithful Chewbacca by his side. Shall we join him?
:: :: :: :: :: :: :: :: :: ::
As longtime raincoaster fans know, we luv us a good manifesto. Indeed, there’s no feeling so dear to our shrivelled little cardio-unit as snuggling into bed with a lovely fresh, hard-covered and blood-spattered cri de coeur from some doomed, long-dead revolutionary.
Naturally, when we stumbled across this masterwork from the Amazing Invisible Blog of Alan Smithee, we were floored. John BigBooté, after bursting onto the geopolitical scene with the immortal “Monkeyboy Rant,” had vanished, seemingly into thin air (or at least the Ninth Dimension). We recognized this manifesto from another world for what it is: a work of genius. We were so intoxicated by the fumes of glory arising therefrom that it took a little while and a blog comment from the author before we realized it was a response to yet another manifesto from famous Filipino American Anchor Baby Michelle Malkin.
So there was one to love and one to hate. The yin and the yang. The sweet and the sour. The peanut butter and the chocolate. The sinigang and the balut.
Dear Muslim Terrorist Plotter/Planner/Funder/Enabler/Apologist,
You do not know me. But I am on the lookout for you. You are my enemy. And I am yours.
I am John Doe.
I am traveling on your plane. I am riding on your train. I am at your bus stop. I am on your street. I am in your subway car. I am on your lift.
I am your neighbor. I am your customer. I am your classmate. I am your boss.
I am John Doe.
vs
Dear Monkeyboy/Black ‘Lectroid/Hong Kong Cavalier/Kolodny Brother/Radar Blazer/Yakov Smirnoff,
If you don’t know me by now, you’ll never ever ever know me. Oooooo-oooo-ooooo. I’m on a hunt I’m after you. I’m hungry like the wolf. You are my everything.
I am rubber. And you are glue.
If there’s one thing I hate, it’s to be mistaken for somebody else.
I Am John BigBoote.
I am traveling to Planet 10. I am riding in the troop transport. I am in the pod ship. It’s a very bad design.
I’m driving in my car. I turn on the radio. Here in my car. I feel safest of all.
I am your neighbor. I am your customer. I am a rock. I am an island. History is made at night. Character is what you are in the dark.
I Am John BigBoote.
Well, which would you rather take to bed, eh?!
:: :: :: :: :: :: :: :: :: ::
For immediate release: see also World’s Tiniest Press Release below
What: The Shebeen Club : Teeny Tome, Living Large!
When: 7-9pm, Tuesday, April 17 (3rd Tuesday of each month)
Where: The Shebeen, behind the Irish Heather, 217 Carrall Street in Gastown
Why: Celebrate Shebeen Alumnus Robert Chaplin‘s publication of the World’s Smallest Book: Teeny Ted from Turnip Town!
Who: Contact lorraine.murphy at gmail.com for more information
How(much)? $15 includes dinner and a drink
This Month: Teeny tomes loom large lately. This week, the literary world welcomed its smallest member, as nanoscientists Li Yang and Karen Kavanagh from Simon Fraser University, together with independent Vancouver publisher Robert Chaplin and author Malcolm Douglas Chaplin, presented their minimasterpiece: Teeny Ted from Turnip Town. At 0.07 by 0.10 millimetres, it’s so small you’d need an electron microscope to read it; at thirty pages, it’s still pretty substantial for a dream book about a turnip tale. Small but perfectly formed, this book has made headlines around the world.
The Shebeen Club will celebrate this ironically monumental moment with readings, door prizes and a writing challenge, all specially miniturized for the occasion. Dinner, however, will be oversized as usual at the Shebeen.
Dress code: miniskirts or skinny ties, but please, no thongs.
The Procedure: Sink into a warm velvet banquette and enjoy our programme: your basic meet-and-mingle from 7-7:30, followed by a riveting, yet brief presentation, followed by Q&A and then breaking up into casual groups for wandering, boozy reminiscences of the time you snubbed Jay McInerney in the airport. A fine dinner of bangers and mash or vegetarian pasta from the kitchen of the Irish Heather, plus one glass of wine, beer or pop are included in the $15.
For more information, contact: Lorraine Murphy, raincoaster media ltd www.shebeenclub.com or lorraine.murphy at gmail.com
:: :: :: :: :: :: :: :: :: ::
raincoaster 