Stolen from CommonCraft via DigitalDoodles and DarrenBarefoot.
Sure, it’s a little late, but when it comes to zombie attack preparedness, better late than never. Also, are you prepared for December 5th? It’s Ninja Action Day. Don’t leave it to the last minute: lay in your ninja, zombie or pirate supplies now, according to your loyalties. If any. When zombies attack, it’s every tentacled being from beyond the star spaces for herself!
First, some motivational music. Preeeeeee-senting the Arrogant Worms performing their breakout hit (Arrogant Worm nerds: no backtalk, please) Carrot Juice is Murder. Stolen from Seismic Twitch, and cross-posted in a couple of days to TeenyManolo. Lyrics over the jump, philosophical thesis statement, below.
And now, to the debate.
I’d like to introduce as a concept the proposition that quality of life impingements can be a justification for euthanasia. Now, I’m just saying that it is widely accepted that, if one’s quality of life were to decline to a point at which one could not move freely, think clearly, or make oneself understood with the inherent dignity which is humankind’s birthright, a painless form of euthanasia is an option which the majority of people believe should be made available to one within the framework of the law.
Example: Britney Spears.
Furthermore, I would like to suggest that, as we exterminate zombies not so much because they are zombies but rather as a tribute to the vast gap between who they are now and the humans that they once were, so, too, we should look at the principle of falling-somewhat-short-of-humanity as it applies to other life forms, such as vegetables.
They’re vegetables.
Not only are they vegetables, but they have no hope of becoming anything else within their lifetimes, free-roaming creative raw foodists who are dab hands with a smoothie notwithstanding.
Conclusion:
We should do our part. We should find the vegetables, wherever they are, and we should put them out of their suffering. We should do it now.
Animals, on the other hand, have no difficulty moving around and comporting themselves with greater elan than your typical celebutard. Like the inspirational blogger BeastFeaster, sworn to consume 52 species of the Animal Kingdom in 52 weeks, I’m switching to a renewable flesh-based diet. Perhaps I shall consume only limbs amputated on the field of battle, as a kind of recycling initiative.
Meat: the responsible choice. the moral choice. the only choice.
:: 
:: 
:: 
:: 
:: 
:: 
:: 
:: 
:: 
:: 
The tragic destruction of the Fortress of Alamut, stronghold of the Assassins, expressed as a charming historical engraving/ironically juxtaposed caption mashup, for your viewing pleasure.
Background, from DamnInteresting:
The story of the Hashshashin, or Assassins, is cloaked in mystery, and much of the truth about them was long ago lost to war and time. Their influence, however, changed the course of history and spawned the very word we use today to describe calculated, politically-motivated murder.
The Hashshashin were formed by Hassan-i-Sabah, a follower of the Isma’ili sect of Shi’ite Islam. Hassan left his home in Cairo over a succession dispute between two heirs to the Fatimid Caliphate. After choosing the wrong heir to support, Hassan found himself escaping to Persia after spending a short period in a political prison. Determined to avenge himself upon the Fatimids while also wiping out his traditional Sunni enemies, Hassan sought and found the ideal stronghold: the fortress of Alamut, also known as “The Eagle’s Nest.” Located northwest of Tehran, just south of the Caspian Sea, Alamut was an imposing sight. Nestled atop a 2,100m mountain with only one near-vertical approach to the fortress, the Eagle’s Nest was nearly impregnable.
Nearly.
:: :: :: :: :: :: :: :: :: ::
I’d wear it.
Lock up your rectums!
Charges have been dropped in the sixth trial against Tammy Jean Warner of Texas City, Texas (where else, I ask you?) aka the Sherry Enema Poisoner aka Black Widow Amontillado in the case of the…uh…sherry enema poisoning death of her husband, Michael Warner, rumoured sherry enema (if not poisoning) enthusiast.
Despite the undisputed facts that he had a blood alcohol level of 0.47, that it was obtained through the use of a sherry enema (I want to know what brand…really, 0.47? Sounds like a party to me!) that he died thereof, that there was no-one in the home but the sherry enema abuser and his wife, and that the enema was not self-administered, the case was dropped for” lack of evidence.”
Perhaps OJ will put this on his list of “real killers” to look for.
Now, think for a long, sphincter-tightening moment about the whole phenomenon of sherry enema poisoning.
First of all, given that sherry is about 14% alcohol, which I knew off the top of my head (hi Lydia!) and no, it’s not unusual…everybody knows that stuff… and that there are about 5 litres of blood in the average male…unless I’m drunk myself (never safe to bet against, as regular readers will know) that is about 0.1175 litres of pure alcohol, which could be obtained by absorbing 100% of the booze in 0.83928571428571428571428571428571 litres of your common-or-garden sherry, or about one and a quarter bottles. Which, at $18.99 for a 750 ml bottle of Tio Pepe, is nobody’s idea of a cheap way to get high/dead.
Second, sherry has been known as a deadly threat for years. YEARS. Why isn’t this a controlled subst- okay, why isn’t it a MORE controlled substance? Eh? I ask you that. Even Edgar Alan Poe wrote a cryptic warning, perhaps (from what I hear of his habits) himself all too familiar with the sinister beverage’s deadly effects, although there are no eyewitness reports that he was a particular enema buff, some slashfic notwithstanding.
Third, if he was deliberately trying to kill himself, why couldn’t he simply have done as thousands of sherry enthusiasts through the ages have done and wait for the next morning’s hangover? Believe me, motivation for self-annihilation is never stronger than in the throes of a truly epic sherry hangover.
Not that I would know anything about that.
raincoaster 