the Blogosphere works in mysterious ways

TIA

Operation Global Media Domination

Indeed, no sooner had I cried to the heavens with wailing and the rending of garments (well, they were slightly torn already, but surely that counts? Like, God wouldn’t be picky about placement in linear time, would he? Ya think a deity doesn’t have better things to do than fart around with continuity details? Puh-leez!) about the loss of my paid gig than the clouds parted (probably accompanied by the Red Sea, but I can’t tell from here…anybody got Google Earth?) the angels sang (NIN’s Year Zero actually; it was lovely) and the mysterious Manolo handed me a sweet and juicy gig that’s probably ultimately going to pay better, take less time, and definitely means I don’t have to read Gizmodo anymore.

It’s a scary, only-virtually hedonistic place in there, Gizmodo: the kind of Xanadu that a Zeta Male imagines is heaven…imagines from the comfort of a Barcalounger in his mom’s basement. IE his mom’s basement, but with more stuff!

Anyway, I lost a job and, true to form, I whined. I mean, if I hadn’t whined you’d have had grounds to send in a missing person’s report, as I’d obviously have been abducted and replaced with some sort of replicant. Some pray, I whine. What can I say? The payout rate is better when I do it my way.

Fun blogging to re-commence in 24 minus n hours!

Which reminds me: for some reason I thought there was an underwear hook on this post…if it re-occurs to me, I’ll make an underwear-related post to explain. Gawd knows what it was, only it had something to do with doctors and Amy Winehouse.

It’s Midnight. It. Is. Time.

For Devo:

For the record and just to warn the universe on general principles, it is now eight minutes after midnight on July 4th and the moronic bumblers working on the garage gates of our apartment building are STILL AT IT WITH THE FUCKING POWER TOOLS, sixteen hours after they started and six hours after the bylaws say they have to stop. I tried calling the noise bylaw hotline: it’s open from 9am-4pm, Monday to Friday, and there is NO VOICE MAIL.

If they really want to see a power tool up close and personal, just let them keep this up till my bedtime.

Thus: the Devo. I am self-medicating with New Wave.

Although in Operation Global Media Domination news, I note with great pleasure that my post on Ashley Kaufman at Lolebrity is on the front page of Google. The post on Gawker got kilt; wonder why? Ah, well, less competition!

The Swag Report

Those loyal readers who can boast personal acquaintance with raincoaster know that if there’s one thing I’m all about, besides Squid, it’s Swag.

I swear, I only worked at Starbucks for seven years because they kept giving me t-shirts! Sometimes I lie awake at night, thinking about all the t-shirts I’ve missed in the last decade…I mean, blogging for a living is all very well, but The Manolo is not handing out the Giuseppi Zanottis right and left, however much we might hope and pray, and so we, the humble blogslaves, take what we can get.

Which, apparently, includes a Zune.

Well, haven’t I said repeatedly that I’d never pay Microsoft another dime of my money? Yes. Yes, I have. And I’m not, but I AM getting their stuff for free which, after the hell they put me through with Windows ME, is only right and just.

Here’s what I got in an email last week:

Hi What’s up?

I stumbled upon your site today and thought you would be great for a promotion that I’m working on for Matchstick, a word of mouth marketing company.


Basically what Matchstick does is put products in the hands of people that are most apt to talk about them, especially online.

The item in question for our current campaign is an high profile mp3 player that has just launched in Canada. You can take the screening survey here, www.matchstick.ca/mp3, and pass it on if you have other friends in the blog community, specifically in Canada (we are based out of Toronto).

If you qualify, you will be receiving the device,

Cheers,

Jesse Ship

www.matchstick.ca

FYI BC bloggers: it’s a Zune. And they want to give it to you for free, provided you tell everyone on god’s green Earth that they did. And you know me: I can’t keep my mouth shut anyway, so here I am, doing so.

Dale raised a cautionary yellow flag, passing along this link from Miss 604, but to my thinking people emailing me monthly or so, offering me free stuff, is something I’m willing to live with.

I’ve defended Matchstick since 2006 (even mentioning them in my panel at Massive Tech Show) and I have to say that in the last few months they really blew it with me. I know there may be some people who just milk the free stuff, but given the readership of my blog and that it’s an Apple iPod accessory they’re wanting to promote, I know it’s definitely their loss (and their client’s loss) not mine.

– Miss604: Vancouver Girl’s Guide to the iPhone
– Miss604: Mac vs PC series
– Miss604: iPod Lightning Bolt Message Help
– Miss604: iPod Disk Mode

If you would like to know about this latest campaign, please talk to me offline as I refuse promote the product publicly due to Matchstick’s policy and their handling of this situation.

I have no plans on dealing with them again in the future, unless my inbox gets inevitably spammed by their team about promotions in which I cannot participate…

Update: After reading email communications between one of the account reps at Matchstick and me, I received a phone call from the Senior Accounts Manager at Matchstick. Here are a few items of note:

– They were truly concerned about my experience and wanted to get my feedback on their processes.

– Just to clarify, the campaign this month would have been for a competing product of the Samsung T10 I already received so that was another conflict. Usually bloggers can participate in two campaigns a year.

– If you do fill out a survey for a campaign this does not mean you are getting the product. They will review your answers and contact you based on the results to ask a few more questions then confirm if you will get the product or not.

– They are aware of the benefits of having a steady database or pool of bloggers with which they have had successful campaigns.

Matchstick read all the comments on this blog post and already has plans to smooth out some of their communication kinks. I appreciate that they took the time to call me back and address my concerns. If they’re willing listen to the voice of the bloggers – or “influencers” as they call them – and take our advice to heart, I’ll certainly be willing to give them another chance. We’ll just have to wait and see if the phone rings (and how many times).

No, I was not paid off to write this and I did get permission from the company to post this update.

It looks like Rebecca isn’t nearly as used to asking for special exceptions as I am. I totally don’t qualify for this one, but I simply said, “I’m too old for this promotion, but my demographic is not, they are perfect for it” and POOF, I was in.

Story of my life, really. I’m not what you’re looking for, but I can connect you with them, so put out for me.

Step Two was not so cool; in fact, I’m not cool with it at all.

UPDATE: see comments on this post for the company’s response.

I was told I’d be contacted by a separate company which tracks conversations about products and I’d just need to tell them who I talked to and what I said and then they could track that buzz across the buzziverse, which sounded like an impossible proposition but whatever, not my business model, is it? So I dutifully signed in to tell them about the people I’d forwarded the notice to and saw my first problem:

There is no log out button that I can see. Ev-ar.

As a part-time security blogger, this does not take me to my happy place and I felt no compunction whatsoever rooting around until I found the right code. For the record, the sign out is

https://www.chatthreads.com/zune/?action=logout

Not only that, but when I said I’d talked to Bob and Ted and Carol and Alice the next screen demanded the email addresses for all of those people, so the company could contact them and track THOSE conversations. Now, last I recall signing people up for a mailing list without their permission is a violation of the Criminal Code of Canada’s anti-stalker provisions. And this does not take me to my happy place, so I left that blank.

I’m fully aware this throws not just a monkeywrench but an entire gorillawrench into their business model, but that is really not my problem, is it? Maybe this will get me bounced from the program and maybe it won’t, but I’m not giving out the contact deets for people. If that’s what they want, I’ll confine the conversation to my blog, where (thanks to WP.com) I don’t have access to the IPs of my readers in the first place.

So: the swag report is, maybe I’m in, maybe I’m out. But now you’re both equipped to apply and forewarned. Bookmark that signout link!

quiz: which WordPress.com forum volunteer are you?

TIA, yoAnother installment in the continuing adventures of  Operation Global Media Domination. I shall try not to let it go to my head.

I shall fail.

It’s time to play INSIDE BASEBALL!

Juan and sulz have been threatening us with something radical for some time now and while the smart money seemed to be on new CSS skins, it looks like they went in a completely unexpected direction, cooking up some quizzes that are hilariously revealing and very, very inside. Don’t worry if you don’t get them; it just means you have a life outside an open source technical help forum; there are worse fates.

Guess who I am?

Which WordPress.com Forum Volunteer Are You?

You are raincoaster!
You know quite a lot, and try to help as many with as little effort as possible, which may come across as curt. You would lengthen your replies considerably if you smell a forum fight, though, ‘cos it’s good for hits.

Take this quiz

Okay, this next one’s a bit off, but only because none of the moderators are snarky (except I have known Andy and Matt to get their backs up from time to time) so I had to pick random answers. I think it just has a Canadian Detector built in:

Which WordPress.com Forum Moderator Are You?

You are Trent!
It’s a challenge keeping a cheerful tone around a forum full of fit-throwing mad users, but you manage it and that’s why everybody loves you.

Take this quiz

This one, however, is probably going to be my eventual fate. Tick, tick, tick. But TT‘s not going to like being left out of this.

Which WordPress.com Forum Troll Are You?

You are the anti-WordPress troll!
You drop links in your posts like it’s going out of fashion tomorrow; it does help in your argument though. You are the reason for many of the closed threads. You would be associated with famous banned users such as wank, root and drmike.

Take this quiz

a history of violence

For those of you who’ve wondered if I ever sleep, of course I do, in the daytime. For those of you who’ve wondered how I’ve managed to survive everything that’s been thrown at me, perhaps this is a clue: I’m immortal.

Today was a lazy day for me, since I pre-posted all my paid blogging stuff for the weekend, so when someone on Gawker asked me about my past as an execution victim, I decided to type it out. Here, for what it’s worth, it is.

  • I didn’t remember who did it the first time, it was early days; I got executed for being too “me-too” as in, twice in a week Gawker had posted something and I posted a “yes, and there’s this” in the comments, with a link to something related.

    It was most enlightening: people who’d been nicey-nicey to me before piled on. Little did they know…

    Then I got fished out of the graveyard by a kind intern, came back and posted. Mohney executed me again, citing a rather arbitrary “48-hour rule”.

    Then I got fished out of the graveyard again by someone who shall remain nameless.

    I got executed at Gawker again for something. Don’t remember what, actually, but probably dropping too many links to my blog.

    Not that I would ever do such a thing.

    Then Defamer brought commenter executions on and I said it was my goal to be executed by every Gawker site, so they executed me. Then came resurrection again…

    Then I posted that getting executed by every site would mean I’d have to actually GO to Kotaku and Gizmodo, so Kotaku and Gizmodo both executed me. Not sure if that counts as once or twice.

    Again, I rose on the third day.

I’m relatively sure I got executed on a different Gawker media site as well, but I can’t remember what it was. Ah, well.

If you’ve got ten or fifteen hours to kill, go to that thread and play all the YouTubes: it’s a compilation of the best movie speeches of all time, and it’s over 300 comments now, most of them pretty awesome. Here’s my contribution and for those of you who may be wondering,

YES I AM PMSING!!!!!!

ah, Ken.

Run away with me and we’ll have a hundred little Irish babies who’ll kick Hollywood’s ass.