Category Archives: Operation Global Media Domination

Just what it sounds like. My quest to conquer the global media and take over the world. Maybe I can get my library fines cancelled…what can I say? It’s a last-ditch effort.

Operation Global Media Domination: the avatar and blogworth situation

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TIASee my lovely new avatar? WordPress has just added a feature that allows you to upload an avatar which appears in “Latest Posts” and also on the forum when you post a question or response.

I know you’ve seen it before: it’s my icon for Operation Global Media Domination, my relentless pursuit of fame across the blogosphere. If you’re American, you may have seen it even earlier than that, when it was the logo for the US government Office of Total Information Awareness. Nice, eh, and not at all Orwellian. Wasn’t he an immigrant? Don’t worry, at some point someone grew a set of brains and deep-sixed the Office and its logo, at least publicly.

I should really co-opt their motto, too, “Scienta est potentia,” Latin for “Knowledge is power.”

In any case, now that I have a logo and a motto (49 degrees latitude, 360 degrees attitude! fits me so well!) I should be all set to conquer planets, beginning with Pluto, for lo, it will love me because I called it a planet and will fall willingly, at least after a couple of good, strong girly drinks.

I’ve already started playing one blogworth counter against another. Surfing Latests Posts today, I came across a post called “How Much is Your Blog Worth,” which, given recent events, was bound to attract a laserlike focus from moi. It’s from Gauravonomics, and introduces a much more sophisticated blogworth calculator than the aforementioned Pingoat‘s.

Inspired by Tristan Louis’s research into the value of each link to Weblogs Inc, Dane Carlson of Business Opportunities has created this little applet using Technorati’s API which computes and displays a blog’s worth using the same link to dollar ratio as the AOL-Weblogs Inc deal.

Which is hella inflated, but enough about that. It says this blog is worth $30,000+, so do I give a rat’s ass that the numbers are puffy? Hell to the no! I’m not a buyer.

Wonder how soon someone will factor in blogger book deals. I say give MediaBistro four months, Huffpo maybe four weeks. Too much fun for those underemployed, think-tanking economists to play with. They will be powerless to resist!

Operation Global Media Domination: Blogworth

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We’re all familiar with the term “blogworthy” by now. Wil Wheaton has a t-shirt that says “I’m blogging this” but really, for most of us it goes without saying.

It goes without saying that most of what we experience actually isn’t. Blogworthy, that is. Which is sad, when you come to think of it. Ever read a LiveJournal? With rare exceptions (called “aberrant” statistically speaking) LiveJournal is where things that are not blogworthy go to get, after a fashion, blogged.

eg:

Had to take the kitty to the vet today. Not the big one, the little one. The vet was nice. I can’t stand vet’s offices, they smell so bad LOL!!!1 Mike won’t tell me what he’s planning for our anniversary, but I’m so tired of Tahoe. Why can’t he see that I want to do a yoga retreat in the Northwest Territories. He knows I’d vote Democrat, if he’d ever drive me to the polls, but he always says next time, LOL!!!1 He’s so cute, God is good to me. I’m going to post pix of my latest scrapbooking project l8r!

etc. Ad nauseum.

Anyway.

While there is no objective test for what is, or is not, blogworthy (getting Farked, Boinged, or Gawked aside), there is now a (glitchy, somewhat arbitrary) test for what your blog is worth, thanks to Pingoat.

Now, I really don’t know how this works, on a deep-down level. But it must be admitted that I do not actually care, either. Basically what it does is take your Technorati rank and equate it with a dollar figure. Whether a big blog sale or book deal affects the size of each individual “Technorati Unit” I do not know, although it certainly should, as should a market correction, ie the bottom dropping out of the blog market.

It’s not an estimate of the blog’s value as a whole on the open market; that’s far too subjective, given that the market for blogs is so small. It also doesn’t seem to take into account whether the blog accepts advertising or not. I don’t, some are plastered with ads (and thus make money) but that doesn’t make any difference here.

No, the reason I like this tool is simple: since I inserted the wee button in my sidebar it tells me in an instant whether I’m up or down relative to the blogosphere at large. I don’t have to go to Technorati and sign in. I don’t have to check Google Blog Search for links that don’t show up on Technorati. I don’t have to do anything more than look over on my sidebar, and as I am constitutionally lazy, I like that.

Your Blog’s Value is $237.11!

Inbound links: 199
Technorati rank: 48998

Up 3,000 from yesterday, woohoo!

operation global media domination: porn stalker!

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TIAWell this is odd. Sometime in the last 72 hours someone (no idea who) labelled my blog as porn, using the handy-dandy WordPress “Label this blog Adult” feature. Someone on the forum told me this is supposed to flag it for review and, if the blog is indeed found to be porn, it’s taken off search engine updates, dropped from the “Next Blog” “Tag Surfer” “Blog of the day” “Top Posts” and “Latest Posts” rolls, and the blogger can no longer post comments, which I found out when I tried to inform whatsername with the Starbucks iced coffee coupon that it is, in fact, legit.

Well, now I have reason to believe that the instant someone tags the fucker with “Porn” it sticks, and only an appeal will get it out of the gutter and back into the starry sky.

So that’s what happened. Sometime last night it dawned on me that my hits were half, count ’em, half what they should normally be, and that for some reason my posts weren’t showing up where they should.

And this does not take me to my happy place.

I posted a question in the forum and sent in a Support Contact Form, as one is supposed to do. About six hours later (in fairness, it WAS the middle of the night) I get an email from Barry saying sorry, we checked your blog, it’s fine, it had been “porned” and it’s not, so you’re good to go.

Surely, I thought, surely that would have given me some kind of period of immunity, like a vaccination.

Silly me.

“Referrers” is a stat table that lists the links that people have come to your blog through, and how many came through each. For today so far, mine looks like this:

Referrer Views
wordpress.com/tag/porn 11
wordpress.com/tag/porn/7 8
colddesert.blogspot.com 5
topix.net/who/cloris-leachman 4
wordpress.com/tag/porn/6 3

Yes, someone has gone through 8 or more pages of Porn tags on WordPress, looking for mine. No doubt thinking if s/he can whine “oh but she has 22 posts tagged “porn” it’s an open and shut case. Well it’s not, because I have never posted porn on this blog and I defy anyone to say it’s not PG-13. Particularly since Photobucket took down my pictures of large public sculptures; okay, so the Boris Vallejo was a bit edgy. Believe me, I’m well aware of those boundaries, having dealt with that issue for several years.

Let’s take a look at some of the blog entries tagged “Porn” on the ol’ raincoaster blog, shall we? Because we know you like to look at porn.

BoingBoing on TWAT, which reproduced a BoingBoing post of a RyanAir ad about people (small, distant, probably Irish people) taking their clothes off at an airport.

Operation Global Media Domination: The Rear View, in which we discover I’ve been linked to by both LibertyForum and Nastyfuckingporn.com, a link blog.

If Men Wrote Advice Columns, a joke column I found on Fark.

Beaver Shots. The ever-popular. Beavers swimming in the Okanagan.

Check into the Paris Hilton, an SNL skit starring guess who? Dirty puns, nothing more.

Ah yes, the infamous Marketing Tips for Hookers, an original piece of humour blogging from the Downtown EastSide, featuring stories that were just too funny to go in my book.

The Shebeen Club: Book Banning, Free Speech, and Mein Kampf. How ironic.

Had a minor heartflip an hour ago when it appeared I’d been re-porned, but Barry now tells me that’s not the case and probably would advise me to take two asprin and get a life, if he weren’t such a polite lad, but he is, and he can’t help it.

UPDATE: all my comments, including the ones on this very blog, are now being labelled Spam and held for approval. Swellerific.

Operation Global Media Domination: the chronological logical

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TIALike anything timed to a clock makes sense!

Here I am trying, seriously, seriously trying to crank my internal clock around to that of a “normal” person’s, and I’m checking the hits at 2:30 in the morning and thinking “well fuck that!”

There’s a reason they called it a Clockwork Orange.

(OT: there’s also a reason Charo’s hits go up at night)

Operation Global Media Domination: the rear view

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TIAWell and here I was, thinking OGMD wasn’t going too well today. Then I checked the stats.

Not only have I gotten the linkie luv from Liberty Forum, but I’ve also been linked to by nastyfuckingporn.com. May I note as well that this has resulted in a $5 increase in my Pingoat Blog Worth.

My mother would be so proud!

No: you don’t know my mother. She would be!