Category Archives: Operation Global Media Domination

Just what it sounds like. My quest to conquer the global media and take over the world. Maybe I can get my library fines cancelled…what can I say? It’s a last-ditch effort.

The Sweet Smell of Success

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Totally stole this entire thing, but since I stole it from two different sources it works out to being independently verified twice! So, yeah. So there!

America done right

 Sitting together on a train, travelling through the
Canadian Rockies,  were an American guy, a Canadian guy, a little old Greek lady,  and a young blond German girl with large breasts.
 
The Train goes into a dark tunnel and a few seconds later there is the sound of a loud slap. When the train emerges from the tunnel, the American has a bright red hand print on his cheek.  No one speaks.
 
The old Greek lady thinks: The American guy must have groped the blonde in the dark and she slapped his cheek. The German girl thinks: That American guy must have tried to grope me in the dark, but missed and fondled the old lady and she slapped his cheek. 

The American thinks: The Canadian guy must have groped the blonde in the dark. She tried to slap him but missed and got me instead.
 
The Canadian thinks: I can't wait for another tunnel, just so I can smack the American again.

The State of the Blogosphere (IP) Address

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Okay, it's a cheap pun. But I'm not afraid to own it.

Bloggers in Context

David Sifry, Mr. Technoratus, has posted an analysis of the state of the Blogosphere. And there's more to come, apparently.

It looks like people who start blogs are more likely to keep them going than they were a few years ago, possibly a function of the lower barrier to entry. With automatic tools to do most of our formatting, we really don't need to know HTML THANK THE GOOD LORD! Because until that little snag was overcome we had to be content with very limited templates, or we had to go over to the dark side. And if you knew HTML, what in god's name were you doing with a dinky little blog anyway? You could have a website, man. It's like having a bicycle when you could have a jet-enabled Transformer. Blogs are for the civilians.

There are no shortage of techie bloggers, though. Does this mean I'm wrong? Oh, perish the thought, bitches. It means that even techies get tired of having their whole posts go POOF cuz they forgot one single "/" or something. They are able to recognize something damn useful just as quick as anybody else, and they jumped on it. As previously posted on this blog (I'll find the link when I'm less lazy) technical blogging, while still dominant, is in decline. Again, this is a barrier to entry thing; before, only techies and those willing to put up with a great deal of crap and/or learn a completely new and artificial language could blog with any degree of proficiency. Now, anybody who can type (and many people who can merely type, rather than spell or think) can blog. So the techies are being diluted. As well, at a certain point you don't neccessarily want to pontificate, you want to communicate; the livejournalers go to chat, the techies go to IM. And, increasingly, to meatspace.

Imagine that: Facetime! It's the new hotness.

In summary:

  • Technorati now tracks over 35.3 Million blogs
  • The blogosphere is doubling in size every 6 months
  • It is now over 60 times bigger than it was 3 years ago
  • On average, a new weblog is created every second of every day
  • 19.4 million bloggers (55%) are still posting 3 months after their blogs are created
  • Technorati tracks about 1.2 Million new blog posts each day, about 50,000 per hour

Some Jokes Just Never Get Old

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Particularly if you can't make head or tail of them. If you get this, please comment for the benefit of those of us who only got A's on our algebra exams. I mean, I get the arc, I get the punchline, it's the syntax that sort of throws me. Like when you're travelling and your only words in the language are "restaurant" "washroom" and "police" and yet you still end up safe and sound and fed and where you meant to go in the first place. Yeah, like that.

Giving it an Allegory tag anyway, what the hell and for the sake of Operation Global Media Domination (I believe this is the only blog on WordPress with an Allegory tag; they're sure to jump on the bandwagon once Narnia goes to DVD though).

                a = b
              a^2 = ab
          a^2-b^2 = ab-b^2
       (a+b)(a-b) = b(a-b)
              a+b = b
               2b = b
                2 = 1

                x = (Pi+3)/2
               2x = Pi+3
         2x(Pi-3) = (Pi+3)(Pi-3)
          2Pix-6x = Pi^2-9
             9-6x = Pi^2-2Pix
         9-6x+x^2 = Pi^2-2Pix+x^2
          (3-x)^2 = (Pi-x)^2
              3-x = Pi-x
               Pi = 3   

               -1 = -1
             -1/1 = -1/1
             -1/1 = 1/-1
       sqrt(-1/1) = sqrt(1/-1)
              i/1 = 1/i
                i = 1/i
            i * i = 1
               -1 = 1

Shebeen Club: My Life in Crime

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Truman, very TruTake two: the first attempt at posting this went kapoof!

Apparently, this little press release of mine has stirred up quite a response. The presenter emailed me a bit anxiously, noting that he's in every paper in town today. Funny, that. I found myself to be considerably less upset about it. Good thing he doesn't know Granta is on the list, along with every literary magazine in the US and Canada (all the ones I could find emails for, anyway). Hey, sooner or later everyone comes through Vancouver, and that woman in Georgia said some very nice things in January.

Someone told Maikopunk that the release was "tasteless and glib." While I fully cop to the glibitude, I must protest the characterization of this missive as "tasteless." As with the finest works of the esteemed cinematic genius Mr. John Waters, it is in the very best of Bad Taste.

Vulgar is the new black.Holmes and Watson

 

In any case, her friend was perversely piqued and intrigued by her put-downs, and once I actually posted the word "Harumph" on her blog, signed up for two tickets.

As the great Gawker says,

It's Not Whoring If You Do It For Free

For immediate release: post/forward at will!

Who: The Shebeen Club presents Jeremy Hainsworth, crime reporter extraordinaire

What: My Life in Crime!  When: 7-9pm Tuesday, April 18th, 2006 (3rd Tuesday ea month)

Where: The Shebeen, behind the Irish Heather, 217 Carrall

Why: Voyeurism runs deep, baby! Find out what it really takes to do this job. It’s not all fedoras and dive bars. 

How (much)? $20 before April 14th, $25 thereafter

reservations and media inquiries: lorraine.murphy at gmail dot com.

Admission includes a criminally good dinner/drink combo! This month it will be a Bloody Mary and your choice of blood pudding and a side of fries/salad OR a vegetarian blood orange entree salad. Bloody marvelous!

 Background: https://raincoaster.wordpress.com/2006/03/18/the-shebeen-club-a-history-in-press-releases/ 

Putting the “laughter” in “manslaughter.”

 

With patented black humour, Jeremy will lead us down the dark and twisted alleys of a crime reporter’s life. From paperwork to prison visits, we’ll become one with the sordid underbelly of Vancouver. It’s Blood Alley, so we’re halfway there!

Jeremy will also be discussing (and bringing a copy of) the publication ban on the Pickton trial.

Dress: Clark Kent, Lois Lane, or Raymond Chandler. Ann Rule doesn’t know how to dress!  

Bio: Jeremy Hainsworth is one of a handful of journalists writing for the international media from Vancouver. As B.C correspondent for the AP, he has had the dubious honour of covering the ongoing hearings of alleged serial killer Robert Pickton and the Air India terrorism case. He has freelanced for Reuters, was senior crime reporter for The Calgary Herald, senior editor of Sterling News Service (his office was below that of Conrad Black's partner David Radler), and managing editor of the Dawson Creek daily paper where he covered his first murder from seeing the body to the release of the convicted youths.

He has a diploma in journalism from Langara and a BA from UBC. His work has appeared in many of the world's major newspapers on every continent except Antarctica where penguins cannot read. 

The ShebeenMeet & Mingle 7-7:30

Listen & Learn 7:30-8

Wistful reminiscences of hookers with hearts of gold 8-9

 

The Holy…Quadruplicity????

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The Blogosphere is marking Holy Week with one hell of a roundup. First the Judas Gospels teaser then the Da Vinci case (is that da Da Vinci case?), and finally Cthulhu peeps. Those, ladies and gentlemen, were warmups.

For this:

Pantera, Father of God...is it the one on the left?

According to some nutty religio-cryptarchaeologist, Jesus‘ real father was Pantera. Well, something had to account for their popularity, eh? Ever heard their music? Divine intervention might just do it.

This Easter is turning out to be especially grim for those who worship a virgin Jesus who was executed and then came back from the dead.

Between the outrageous heresy of the Gospel of Judas, disturbing scientific investigations of Jesus’ alleged crucifixion, mundane explanations for his miracles and the latest media circus around “The Da Vinci Code” and “Holy Blood, Holy Grail,” it was already a very bad spring for Christians.

It just got worse. A stunning new book by religious-history archeologist Dr. James A. Tabor — “The Jesus Dynasty: A New Historical Investigation of Jesus, His Royal Family, and the Birth of Christianity” — went on sale this week.

<snip>

Just as Osama bin Laden means “Osama, son of Laden,” the name Jesus bar Pantera means “Jesus, son of Pantera.”

And apparently, it’s all the fault of the bloody Germans. Well, it would be. (is xenophobia good for hits? Guess we’ll find out eh?)