Oh, Charlie!

What Have We Learned, Charlie Brown?

Image via Wikipedia

How do you solve a problem like Charlie Sheen? You can’t, because he’s so epically winning, right? BOOM! But you can try to come a bit closer to understanding him if you run him through a few filters first; it’s like watching an eclipse. The sheer awesomenosity could blind you if you didn’t apply some filters. So here is Jimmy Kimmel‘s interpretation of the Sheen interview, with visuals starring that other Charlie.


via CelebratingTheAbsurd

And since this post has already been user-tested for celebrity gossip addict appeal, here are your gossip links for Wednesday:

Baby on Board (raincoaster)

Nicole Kidman could use a sammich (Lolebrity)

London Fashion Week is for the birds (Ayyyy)

I scream! (ManoloFood)

He should fit right in with Lindsay and Gadaffi (AgentBedhead)

Charlie Sheen too busy winning to retain custody of his kids (BusyBeeBlogger)

Justin Bieber sells out to rich witch doctor? (CelebDirtyLaundry)

A simple summit with Lady Gaga (CelebritySmack)

Robert Pattinson cheats on Tai (CelebVIPLounge)

Babies: totally Team Coco (CityRag)

Katie “Sue” Holmes (DailyStab)

Kim Kardashian, Saviour of Autotune (Earsucker)

Save Oprah! (FitFabCeleb)

Another sign Russia is in desperate straights (GirlsTalkinSmack)

Oh man, the ski lobby hates celebrities (HaveUHeard)

ScarJo publicly toejobs Sean Penn (INeedMyFix)

Oh Em Jee, the Oscars are about to get awesome (MathewGuiver)

Britney’s V shots (PoorBritney)

Sad Mugshot Xtina is sad (PopBytes)

Amanda Seyfried’s magically transforming Doc Martens (TheSkinny)

Five Angels, only two backsides among them (TheSkinnyChic)


Enhanced by Zemanta

Sesame Street Sob Story

Ever wonder where Oscar the Grouch came from? Seriously, if ever I saw a character with a backstory, Oscar is it.

Grover paid his dues the old-fashioned way, starting as a shoeshine monster and making his way as a waiter/comedian on the mean streets of Queens, until the day he was talent-scouted by the youthful duo of Ernie and Bert, auditioned for a new television project of theirs, and his fortune was made. Big Bird lucked out and made it on his first audition, if you believe the official storyline; unofficially, it’s believed that his never-seen but well-connected (Bunbury-ish?) Granny Bird had something to do with getting the clueless yet appealing big lug such a high-profile gig.

Elmo? Well, we’ve discussed Elmo.

Oscar’s story is a little different, a little more universal, a little more … dare we say it? Tragic.


Quiz: What would you win an Oscar for?

Um, mebbe. But I reserve the right to be as senselessly dramatic as I choose!

You Would Win Best Documentary Feature

You are very curious about and engaged with the world. Everyone is interesting to you.

You have a variety of interests, and you delve into them quite deeply.

People are impressed by the sheer quantity of stuff you know, and you’re learning more every day.

However, you’re not just informed. You also are very informative. You share what you know in an engaging and interesting way.

Elizabeth Taylor, cinematic icon, heartbreaker, survivor, nutcase

Queen Elizabeth Taylor

She’s STILL big. It’s the pictures that got small.

You know, that woman may or may not be batshit insane but, given the fact that she literally cannot remember a time when she wasn’t world-famous, and given that she has earned her own way to her place in history, it’s hard to begrudge the old bat her jewels, her antics, her men, her millions, or her attitude. Of course she’s on a star trip: she’s THE star! She is, and always has been, Elizabeth Fucking Taylor.

Which reminds me of something Katherine Hepburn said about … was it Ruth Gordon?…

“Of course the bitch is good in closeups. She invented them!”

Britney gets it right

Britney is fat 

Finally. After years of muddling around, pooping out gold records and platinum extensions, dropping babies and husbands in record time, Britney Spears finally has an epiphany.

I’m a fake!”

Yes, dear.

A source told Britain’s News of the World newspaper: “She was crying and shouting, ‘I am the Antichrist!’ Then she started screaming, ‘I’m a fake!’

Of course, that source also told them that the staff at the rehab center was totally freaked out by the incident and suicide attempt, which I am absolutely 100% certain never, ever happens in a rehab, so naturally they were a bit befuddled.

Britney Spears as a kidIn that very six-degrees way, I am connected to Britney. I know a guy whose (cousin? brother-in-law? sumpin’) had the job of driving her around town while she was here filming Crossroads. He said she was a just sweet, dumb Southern girl looking for a fun time who just happened to have millions of dollars and millions of fans. She’d hop in the van at the end of the day and ask, “So where do you want to go for dinner? Can we pick up your friends?” and they would, all twelve or fifteen of them, and Britney would always pay the tab. So all the nasty things one might say have to be mitigated by the fact that she really is just a decent kid at heart.

That said…

a new view!She’s not the world’s greatest actress, but you certainly can’t tell it from the press she’s been getting lately; they’ve swallowed her ridiculous script whole. This is not how people who are going insane actually act; this is how people who are acting insane but whose agent hasn’t been able to get them good material act.

Then again, perhaps it’s her PR who is the Oscar-worthy one, as she’s managed to convince the entire world that Britney has rented an entire wing at Promises when Promises, in fact, does not have any wings at all, not even vestigal ones. She should get at least a Saggie for getting them to swallow the whole “I am the Antichrist!” and suicide attempt, IMHO (btw, I’m so used to Web 2.0 nomenclature I originally spelled that “AntiChrist“; is the Antichrist Web 2.0? I think he’s more machine language, myself, but must look that up in Revelations).

But I love this:

“Justin was distressed to learn about the state Britney was in. Lynne was touched by the gesture but begged him not to go. He promised to hook up with her at a later date.

(c) BANG Media International.

I’ll bet he did, BANG Media. I’ll just bet he did.

But probably not till she’s lost thirty pounds or so.

add to del.icio.us :: Add to Blinkslist :: add to furl :: Digg it :: add to ma.gnolia :: Stumble It! :: add to simpy :: seed the vine :: :: :: TailRank