Jizz In My Pants

To be quite frank, it’s been quite some time since there was jizz or, in fact, anything but me, in my pants, unless someone’s gotten up to something I don’t know about in the laundry room.

Ew.

Lyrics from thelonelyisland:

Lock eyes from across the room

down my drink while the rhythms boom

take your hand and skip the names

no need here for the silly games

make our way through the smoke and crowd

the club is the sky and I’m on your cloud

move in close as the lasers fly

our bodies touch and the angels cry

leave this place go back to yours

our lips first touch outside your doors

a whole night what we’ve got in store

whisper in my ear that you want some more

and I

JIZZ IN MY PANTS

This really never happens you can take my word

I won’t apoligise, that’s just absurd

Mainly your fault from the way that you dance

and now I

JIZZ IN MY PANTS

don’t tell your friends or I’ll say your a slut

plus its your fault, you were rubbing my butt

I’m very sensitive, some would say thats a plus

Now I’ll go home and change

(JORMA) I need a few things from the grocery

do things alone now mostly

left me heart broken not lookin’ for love

surprised in my eyes when I looked above

the check out counter and I saw a face

My heart stood still so did time and space

Never felt that I could feel real again

But the look in her eyes said I need a friend

She turned to me thats when she said it

Looked me dead in the face, asked “Cash or Credit?”

And I

JIZZED IN MY PANTS

It’s perfectly normal, nothing wrong with me

But we’re going to need a clean up on aisle 3

And now I’m posed in an awkward stance because I

JIZZED IN MY PANTS

To be fair you were flirting a lot

plus the way you bag cans got me bothered and hot

please stop acting like you’re not impressed

One more thing, I’m gonna play by cheque

Last week – I saw a film

As I recall it was a horror film

Walked outside into the rain

Checked my phone and saw you rang and I

JIZZED IN MY PANTS

(JORMA)Speeding down the street when the red lights flash

need to get away need to make a dash

A song comes on that reminds me of you and I

JIZZ IN MY PANTS

(ANDY) The next day my alarm goes off and I

JIZZ IN MY PANTS

Open my window and a breeze rolls in and I

JIZZ IN MY PANTS

When Bruce Willis was dead at the end of sixth sense I

JIZZED IN MY PANTS

I just ate a grape and I

JIZZED…IN…MY PANTS

JIZZED…IN…MY PANTS

Ok seriously you guys can we…ok…

I JIZZ RIGHT IN MY PANTS EVERY TIME YOU’RE NEXT TO ME

AND WHEN WE’RE HOLDING HANDS ITS LIKE HAVING SEX TO ME

YOU SAY IM PREMATURE I JUST CALL IT ECSTASY

I WEAR A RUBBER AT ALL TIMES ITS A NECESSITY

Cuz I

JIZZ…IN…MY PANTS

(I jizz in my pants, I jizz in my pants, yes I jizz in my pants, yes I jizz in my pants)

yes I JIZZ…IN…MY PANTS

(I jizz in my pants (AKIVA!), I jizz in my pants)

ANDY & JORMA

AKIVA as the DJ

JT as the Janitor
Molly Sims & Jamie Lynn Sigler

Leslie Harpold sez Merry Zombie Christmas!

advent to ascent

So there it was.

White. Bright. Practically dewy with freshness, dated Monday, December 8 2008 (I quadruple-checked the year)(which the literal-minded will note was not even technically the case in my time zone when I encountered it) sitting there on my monitor for all the world as if it were a regular article waiting patiently to be read, with a perky, amusing author bio in the sidebar looking as normal as all get out.

TMN Contributing Writer Leslie Harpold is a writer and designer with a long list of publications she’s marred with her work. She is working on a novel and dreams alternately of an über urban or ultra rural future, as she is not one to do things by halves. After misspending her 20s in New York City, Leslie now lives in Grosse Pointe, Mich. She makes pie crust from scratch.

Only, it wasn’t.

Normal.

Leslie Harpold, you see, has been dead for exactly two years today. [thanks to Wendie for the correction; I had it at one year. Freakouts are so fresh!] I remember her death particularly, because for several years friends had been telling me how much I, the Christmas nut, would love her annual online Advent Calendar. Which I’m sure I would have, only by the time I finally clicked around to it December 14th of 2006, it was frozen at the 7th. Which date it has been frozen on ever since, because December 7th was the last full day she was alive. She was found by friends several days after her death, in part because of curiosity generated by the failure to update her famous Advent Calendar.

So, naturally, the appearance of a brand-new and highly chipper-sounding article by the aforesaid deceased, most particularly exactly two years after her death and seasonal at that, rather freaked me out.

Mind you, it’s not the first time someone has blogged from beyond the grave.

I just wish they could manage it without:

  1. freaking me out
  2. making me feel even guiltier about my work ethic.

Hot Chick Post: Bettie Page, Living Legend, In Critical Condition

Bettie Page, the notorious
Bettie Page, the notorious

Bettie Page, the wholesomest stripper the world has ever seen and probably the original model for BOTH Betty and Veronica, is hospitalized in critical condition in Los Angeles after a heart attack. The 85-year-old legend is reported to be in a coma at an unnamed LA-area hospital.

Here is some video of Bettie in her glory days of 1950, stripping with her trademark smile and a wink (and slight White Girl’s Rhythm).

from CelebritySmack

Sarah Palin’s Christmas Special!

You just can’t keep a bad ex-candidate down. Yes, the Dan Quayle of Alaska is back, with a retro holiday special sure to bring a tear to the eye.

from Jimmy Kimmel via SeriouslyOMG

I don’t know who he is but he should call me

Seriously. Louis CK, whoever the hell he is, should call me. We could hook up. It would be a good thing for the universe.