Category Archives: Sex

Helen Mirren topless: tardis companion hot

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See? Totally tardis-worthyThe ever-classy Sun has provided us today with one of the true greats in the field of service journalism, an immortal story that will live long in infamy and on fansites…well, at least till this time next year.

They have dug up topless shots of all of the Oscar nominees for Best Supporting Actress, and what an eyefull it is, too. Defamer brought the story stateside, where I found and lifted it for your viewing pleasure. Naturally, let it not go unsaid that the Sun link is NOT SAFE FOR WORK, SCHOOL, REHAB, OR THE COMPUTER ON THE SEX OFFENDER WARD. And NEITHER IS THE FULL TOPLESS HELEN MIRREN PIC ON LOLEBRITY.

My favorite part of the whole thing is the headline “Mirren was GRIPPED by fear” just under her picture. Although it must be said that the dark horse winner is Dame Judi Dench, whose 100% natural A-list knockers easily lead the pack by a head or at least an erect nipple or pair of carefully-placed leaves.

DAME Judi gives an elegant performance as the appropriately named Titania in this unique 1968 interpretation of a Shakespeare classic.

The judges felt her sense of ironic joie de vivre, along with two of the best knockers in the business, made her a candidate we couldn’t ignore.

A real trip down Mammary Lane . . .

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I married a spy…and all I got was this lousy cottage in Essex

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Works great on bloodstains...also gunpowder residueWell I, personally, didn’t marry a spy, although there’s still time (interested parties leave contact details in comments section, plz). No indeed, this is a piece from the Guardian, interviews with three wives of, all of whom are well past their “tempt the Russian delegation with your best meatballs, won’t you dear?” stage, and only some of whom have recovered. Fascinating reading, if only for the satisfaction of thinking to yourself Well, I’d at least have shot someone for fuck’s sake! Might as well stay in the playgroup, you lot of wankers.

Special bonus pointlessly salacious and juvenile tidbit: the interviewer’s name is Fanny.

In 1939, 18-year-old Betty Farmer was being wooed by a man who was not only good-looking and charismatic, but also, apparently, had a job “in the film business”. When he whisked her off for a few days holiday in Jersey, she was surprised by the two rather shady looking men who accompanied them, but kept her concerns to herself.

On their second day away, over Sunday lunch, with the sunshine dancing on the sea outside, Betty‘s paramour kissed her briefly, before hurling himself through a closed window and running down the beach, chased by the police. Betty had no choice but to rely on his repeated promise: “I shall go, but I shall always come back.”

With a lede like that, how can you not finish the piece?
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quiz: which French stereotype are you?

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Zees queez fhrom Jhoovaynal, eet ees ab-seurd! Aye aym newt a hway-teur!
I AM THE SNOOTY WAITER! Which French Stereotype Are You?
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fart-proof panties

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Fartypants, yoAlso excellent for birth control, as anyone who sees that you wear these horrific remedial incontinent-Grandma pants will cut (out) like the wind.

The Under-Ease pants have an in-built multi-layered, replaceable filter made of felt, charcoal and fibreglass wool.

Having recently returned from the Valley of the Shadow of Conservatism, I must take a moment to note for posterity that, no matter what the level of fine or otherwise dining one may be enjoying there, the main course is always accompanied by a hearty serving of boiled, frozen broccoli and cauliflower. Always. I believe this to be a subtle yet effective adaptation to the climate; a clever way of ensuring that Ontarians do not freeze in their sleep, as their beds will be cosily heated for hours from the pre-heated gaseous emissions resulting from the breakdown of said side-dish cruciferousness. Cruciferocity. Whatever; it’s nothing to do with Catholicism. There is obviously no market for these pants in Ontario, regardless of the religious demographics.

I’m wondering if, after a certain point of flatulence and resultant inflatuation while wearing these pants, one achieves the ability to fly, Hindenburg-style? I can just see currently-sexagenarian Richard Branson snarfing down some quick Taco Bell and attempting to set a new record for underwear-powered flight. And, of course, if this method of transportation catches on it could revolutionize the car and aerospace industries as well as meaningfully reduce global warming and cause the entire tax system to be re-evaluated. I forsee a boom in the legume and dried turkish apricot markets very soon.

Buy low, sell high.
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God hates a fag, but Andrew Sullivan loves Donnie Davies

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The very reverend Mr. Donnie Davies has posted a new video at YouTube in response to all the controversy over his church, Love God’s Way, their CHOPS program for de-gaying people, his band, Evening Service, and their original song The Bible Says whose video was censored by the Tube. (backstory here and once fallen, now arisen video here)

Let’s go to the Tubes for a look at some quotes, shall we?

“…thank you so much, Andrew Sullivan, for getting behind me…
…I’ve lost 120 lbs. I was born with a thyriod disorder, my whole family has it, it’s a genetic disorder, and sometimes I try so hard to control those urges, but I just can’t. I was born this way. But people still want to lampoon me about it and I think that is a terrible, ugly way to live…”

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