Category Archives: Sports

Cobra Hunter: Toronto!

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king cobra. Your majesty is welcome here.Riiiiiiiiiight, you’re thinking. But it’s true: Toronto, capital of Ontario and of banality, is host to a professional reptile hunter, and yet he hasn’t even touched the ones in Bay Street.

Let’s enter the squamous, deadly world of Josh Feltham, Canadian Cobra Hunter. Crikey, Steve Irwin would be so proud.

Aside from a few sightings more than three months ago, the deadly scaled fugitive has vanished without a trace.The hunt for the venomous snake has shut down the rooming house, sent its five tenants packing and left the landlord, Philip Belanger, $20,000 poorer from lost rent and damage. Belanger says he’s heard estimates that the City of Toronto has spent $100,000 in its bid to find the snake, calling in the police, fire department, paramedics and experts from the Toronto Zoo and Animal Services. The city will not confirm any figure.

“The thing about snakes is they’ve evolved to be elusive,” Josh Feltham, a reptile expert, says. “If I was that snake I’d be having a great time in that house. There’s food around. It can explore. What more do you need … A female maybe…”

Think like a snake; there’s your first step. Politicians and bankers looking for alternative career choices are perfectly adapted for this option, and we should all do our best to encourage them to become cobra hunters. Let’s start with Stephen Harper, shall we?

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motivational video of the year: Impossible is the opposite of possible, by Michael Cera

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Stolen from Gawker. Sure, Aleksey Vayner‘s video was so over the top as to constitute unintentional self-parody, but I’m all for piling on when you smell blood, and Vayner‘s been hemoragging ever since Dealbreaker got ahold of the damn thing and broke it worldwide. Wonder what he’s doing now? I expect the phrase “Would you like that Venti-sized?” figures large in his workday.

In any case, here is Michael Cera, former Arrested Development star, kicking sand in the eyes of the hapless Uzbek. I’d like to take this opportunity to point out that I was the first person to question whether or not that was him in the skiing section, a point obviously not lost on Cera.

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new game: the raincoaster challenge

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TIALookie everybody! All that famewhoring paid off: I’ve got my own game.

Me and Kevin Bacon, we’re likethis. Even William Fucking Shatner hasn’t got a GAME! If you thought I was insufferable before, just watch out, you ain’t seen nuthin’ yet!

Check it out: the raincoaster challenge, by Richard Mahoney over at Envelope Filter: tasty harmonics in a creamy static sauce.

  • Anyone can play. Everyone should play. Tell your friends.
  • Raincoaster should be in the first 10 results, partial credit for first 20.
  • Successful searches should be posted in the comments.
  • Use of the term ‘raincoaster’ in the entry kind of defeats the point, in case you hadn’t guessed.
  • Funniest/weirdest term wins bragging rights.
  • Visitors to the site should hit google with the search terms in the comments. If we get over twenty or so in a day it turns up in her blog stats.

But the FIRST RULE of the raincoaster challenge is, you must go show the luv to the inventor of the game. G’wan, give him a hit; he deserves to be hit, for feeding my ego!

I'm so totally important, though. Just ask anyone! Well, anyone who's heard of me.

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Happy New Year from Vancouver

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It’s been that kind of a year. Here’s to a better 2007!

The crowd down at the Heather. I told Sean not to have a sunken bar!

I resolve to go out no more than once a week, unless I can afford it (sorry Sean and all at the Heather). I resolve to get a nice, self-sufficient quantity of writing and editing clients. I resolve to make a deal for at least one book for an agency client this year. I resolve to work out so I can fit back into those damn jeans.

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pic o’ the day: snowglobe warning

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Snow Globe Warning!

This is sheer brilliance! Unfortunately, as Gawker reports, it’s not an actual sign but an ad, an ad which Entertainment Weekly refuses to run, thus endangering at least 50% of Hollywood over the holiday season. I wonder how long before some wag at Whistler puts these up just for the hell of it?

Snowglobes: no laughing matter! Betcha anything Canadian Tire will be stocking Therma-Curves before the winter is out.

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