quiz: what’s your Egyptian zodiac sign?

Yeah, I know. We’ve had a raging snotload of quizzes lately, but a) they’re great for generating comments and b) when I did this one I was so shocked at the accuracy that I just have to post it, so there nyeah. Strangely, I actually know a woman who practices the ancient Egyptian religion. I wonder if she’s done this one.

Stolen from Dykewife, who stole it from Morganor.

  Anubis

 

  Clever, fatalist, deep. Sympathetic, generous, loving and perseverant in proving their view point

  Colors: male: sienna, female: crimson
Compatible Signs:
Bastet, Isis
Dates:
May 8 – May 27, Jun 29 – Jul 13

  Role: God of death and mummification
Appearance:
Jackal or a jackal-headed man
Sacred animals:
jackal

What is Your Egyptian Zodiac Sign?
Designed by CyberWarlock of Warlock’s Quizzles and Quandaries
 

ekranoplan: world’s strangest airplane

and probably the ugliest as well.

KM Ekranoplan

I’m giving this the Squid tag, and Technorati can just sue me, because this has the central core of Squiddiness, the Platonic Ideal of a Squid-like quality, and that is that regardless how loathesome this thing may be you cannot possibly look away, nor think any thought but “KEWL” while you’re looking at it. It’s just frickin’ cool!

Besides which, it is a Sea Monster. Read on…

KM Ekranoplan, front view

Technically speaking this is not an airplane. It’s a WIG (wing in ground, although you shouldn’t put it there cuz it really slows you down) or GEV (ground effect vehicle, which makes a helluva lot more sense, particularly if you already know what the ground effect is, and if you don’t, read on). Them military folks love their TLMs, don’t they?

Planes, as you may already know, have big wings because they need a lot of lift to get off the ground and start flying around and suchlike, which is mostly what planes do, although sometimes they just sit on the taxiway getting de-iced and making people impatient.

But if you’re not really going to fly per se, you don’t really need wings per se. What Orville and Wilber or, in this case Ivan and Sergei probably, discovered was that if you fly very, very close to the ground you can compress the air beneath the wings and get far more lift out of it, substantially reducing the amount of square wingage you need to get off the ground. Which brings us to the Caspian Sea Monster.

This has nothing whatsoever to do with the Voyage of the Dawn Treader, and couldn’t even if it wanted to, as back in the Fifties CS Lewis‘ publisher wasn’t publishing editions of the Chronicles of Narnia in the US, because of a copyright treaty dispute. So, no. Forget it.

anybody got a handy Russian/English translator?

One afternoon in the Sixties a bunch of Americans were sitting around the spy department, looking at some spy photos taken over Russia, and there on the surface of the Caspian Sea they saw the butt-ugliest thingamabobby they’d ever laid eyes on. It was so big and bizarre they dubbed it the Caspian Sea Monster. It looked kinda like a plane, with sawn off wings, but it was wildly out of scale; the damn thing was enormous. It was a monster.

It was, to be precise, 100 metres long, about 540 tons in weight, and was equipped with an alarmingly thorough cadre of ten jet engines. It was obviously meant to go somewhere, fast. Strangely, followup photographs never seemed to show the damn thing in flight, just skimming along the tops of the waves, and by that I mean an altitude of, say, three to ten feet. If it happened to be flying over the sea on a choppy day it would have been like driving through snowbanks until they got up to speed.

One wonders what the poor sturgeons thought of this humungous tin can, ripping over their heads at 350 mph. Can’t have been good for the caviar crop, I’m thinking. A placid sturgeon is a productive sturgeon. I’m pretty sure I saw that on a Social Realist poster somewhere, or if not then I just made it up.

One or the other, for sure, though.

Eventually the program wound down, although not without inadvertently producing some of the Caspian Sea‘s finest new reefs first. Attempts to raise sunken Sea Monsters were abandoned because of the weight and the fact that the Glomar Explorer was already booked for that weekend. There is a diversity of opinion about why the Russians ceased production, but best guesses include: there was a nasty crash in 1975/1980 and the Russians lost heart; the sea water rusted the hell out of the damn things; the Cold War ended and capitalism has no need for such toys; it wasn’t really big enough in the first place; what do you mean ceased production?

Apparently Boeing is working on an updated, and equally ridiculous-looking, iteration of the WIG/GEV/Sea Monster genus, called the Pelican. Don’t hold your breath for this one: the production announcement has been indefinitely delayed since 2002.

Boeing Pelican

This is a turboprop-driven military transport with a 500 ft wingspan and is designed to carry 1300 tons of cargo over a distance of up to 10,000 nautical miles.

At an altitude of 20 ft.

Windsurfers are advised to be prepared to duck.

Source material is found:

WIG

David Zondy.com

The Unknown Aviator

The Russian Aviation Page

and at The Register, although they’ll bleed you dry for pageviews with the story on four damn pages.

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Heidi Fleiss fails to pimp bigly

Remember me?

It’s true. Heidi Fleiss does not know how to turn it out. The former leading madam of Hollywood is a dreadful marketer.

Heidi Fleiss cannot pander.

Despite the frenzy of headlines that resulted from news (from the horse’s ass’s mouth) that Mike Tyson would be joining her Daniel Libeskind-designed stud farm in the Nevada desert, today Heidi Fleiss revealed that the mansion of manliness will be doing without his cannibalistic presence.

Helluva lot she knows about marketing.

Seriously, honey. When a story about a potential employee drives the blogosphere into a perfect storm of fetishistic repulsion and attraction, and you are a madam looking for publicity for your new venture featuring exotic men for rent, what you have is not a damage-control situation calling for denials.

What you have is a gift from god.

What do you think of my book?

ad placement o’ the day

The last thing the millionaire rapist sees will be... 

From the Sun, via Fark, which seems to have totally missed this charming juxtaposition. You must go to the site click here to see one of the adds they’ve got in rotation on this story. I’m thinking somebody’s media buyer just got fired.

Short form: imprisoned rapist Iorworth Hoare wins lottery. Upon release, moves to expensive neighborhood. Is terrorized by giant European Eagle Owl.

Hogwarts 1: rapists 0.

In related news, fellow WordPress blogger and Vancouverite Marcus Frind, president of the Internet dating site Plenty of Fish, helped the US Marshals track down one of their most wanted criminals after he discovered the man was living with a woman he’d met through the site. Not exactly the kind of publicity I’d be hammering home to the public, myself. I mean, the news that my company is cooperating with law enforcement and putting away killers = good. The news that spree killers are trolling my dating site for women = bad.

But maybe that’s just me.

Olbermann on Bush in Vietnam

via Crooks and Liars, thanks for the transcript.

It is a shame — and it is embarrassing to us all — when President Bush travels 8,000 miles, only to wind up avoiding reality, again.

And it is pathetic to listen to the leader of the free world, talk so unrealistically about Vietnam, when it was he who permitted the “Swift-Boating” of not one but two American heroes of that war, in consecutive Presidential campaigns.

But most importantly — important, beyond measure — his avoidance of reality is going to wind up killing more Americans.

And that is indefensible — and fatal.

Asked if there were lessons about Iraq to be found in our experience in Vietnam, Mr. Bush said that there were — and he immediately proved he had no clue what they were.

“One lesson is,” he said, “that we tend to want there to be instant success in the world, and the task in Iraq is going to take a while.”

“We’ll succeed,” the President concluded, “unless we quit.”

If that’s the lesson about Iraq that Mr. Bush sees in Vietnam, then he needs a tutor. Or we need somebody else making the decisions about Iraq.

Mr. Bush, there are a dozen central lessons to be derived from our nightmare in Vietnam, but “we’ll succeed unless we quit” is not one of them.

The primary one — which should be as obvious to you as the latest opinion poll showing that only 31 percent of this country agrees with your tragic Iraq policy– is that if you try to pursue a war for which the nation has lost its stomach, you and it are finished. Ask Lyndon Johnson.

The second most important lesson of Vietnam, Mr. Bush: if you don’t have a stable local government to work with, you can keep sending in Americans until hell freezes over and it will not matter.  Ask South Vietnam’s President Diem, or President Thieu.

The third vital lesson of Vietnam, Mr. Bush: don’t pretend it’s something it’s not. For decades we were warned that if we didn’t stop “communist aggression” in Vietnam, communist agitators would infiltrate and devour the small nations of the world, and make their insidious way, stealthily, to our doorstep.

The war machine of 1968 had this “Domino Theory.”

Your war machine of 2006 has this nonsense about Iraq as “the central front in the war on terror.”

The fourth pivotal lesson of Vietnam, Mr. Bush: if the same idiots who told Lyndon Johnson and Richard Nixon to stay there for the sake of “Peace With Honor,” are now telling you to stay in Iraq, they’re probably just as wrong now, as they were then… Dr. Kissinger.

And the fifth crucial lesson of Vietnam, Mr. Bush, which somebody should’ve told you about, long before you plunged this country into Iraq — is that, if you lie us into a war — your war, and your presidency, will be consigned to the scrapheap of history.

Consider your fellow Texan, sir.

After President Kennedy’s assassination, Lyndon Johnson held the country together after a national tragedy — not unlike you tried to do.

He had lofty goals and tried to reshape society for the better.  And he is remembered for Vietnam and for the lies he and his government told to get us there and keep us there… and for the Americans who needlessly died there.

As you will be remembered for Iraq and for the lies you and your government told to get us there and keep us there… and for the Americans who needlessly died there — and who will needlessly die there tomorrow.

This president has his fictitious Iraqi W-M-D, and his lies (disguised as subtle hints) linking Saddam Hussein to 9/11, and his reason-of-the-week for keeping us there when all the evidence has, for at least three years, told us we needed to get as many of our kids out, as quickly as we could.

That president had his fictitious attacks on Navy ships in the Gulf of Tonkin in 1964, and the next thing any of us knew, the Senate had voted 88-to-2 to approve the blank check with which Lyndon Johnson paid for our trip into hell.

And yet President Bush just saw the grim reminders of that trip into hell:

– Of the 58,000 Americans and millions of Vietnamese killed;

– Of the 10,000 civilians who’ve been blown up by landmines since we pulled out;

– Of the genocide in the neighboring country of Cambodia, which we triggered;

Yet, these parallels — and these lessons — eluded President Bush entirely.  And, in particular, the one over-arching lesson about Iraq that should’ve been written everywhere he looked in Vietnam, went un-seen.

“We’ll succeed unless we quit”?

Mr. Bush, we did quit in Vietnam! A decade later than we should have; 58,000 dead later than we should have; but we finally came to our senses.

The stable, burgeoning, vivid country you just saw there is there, because we finally had the good sense to declare victory and get out!

The Domino Theory was nonsense, sir. Our departure from Vietnam emboldened no one.  Communism did not spread like a contagion around the world.

And most importantly — as President Reagan’s Assistant Secretary of State Lawrence Korb said on this newscast Friday — we were only in a position to win the Cold War because we quit in Vietnam.

We went home. And instead it was the Russians who learned nothing from Vietnam, and who repeated every one of our mistakes when they went into Afghanistan. And alienated their own people, and killed their own children, and bankrupted their own economy, and allowed us to win the Cold War.

We awakened so late — but we did awaken.

Finally, in Vietnam, we learned the lesson. We stopped endlessly squandering lives and treasure and the focus of a nation on an impossible and irrelevant dream.

But you are still doing exactly that, tonight, in Iraq.

And these lessons from Vietnam, Mr. Bush, these priceless, transparent lessons, writ large as if across the very sky, are still a mystery to you.

“We’ll succeed unless we quit.”

No, sir. We will succeed — against terrorism, for our country’s needs, towards binding up the nation’s wounds — when you quit — quit the monumental lie, that is our presence in Iraq.

And in the interim, Mr. Bush, an American kid will be killed there, probably tonight — or, if we’re lucky, not until tomorrow.

And here, sir, endeth the lesson.