There are some things lurking in this world which were never meant to be. Absinthe. Uri Geller. The dodo. Nixon. The Tully Monster. Anna Nicole Smith. Ethel Merman‘s disco album. Eventually, a vigilant celestial being becomes aware and takes action against these abominations and outrages against all that is right and good.

We can only hope and pray that S/He takes action promptly against the atrocity known as fiberboard. This loathesome and amorphous agglomeration of unnamed and unnameable materials has long been the mortal enemy of those who respect the craft of carpentry, those who would live in a world free of synthetic imitations, and those whose very bodies reject the presence of formaldahyde-oozing $89 bookcases from Home Depot.

We at the ol’ raincoaster blog have some bad news for you. However shitty you may think this product already is, it’s about to get worse. Much, much worse. The AP has the report. Shit.

Home-buyers of tomorrow could find themselves walking across floors made from manure. Researchers at Michigan State University and the U.S. Department of Agriculture insist it’s no cow pie in the sky dream. They say that fiber from processed and sterilized cow manure could take the place of sawdust in making fiberboard, which is used to make everything from furniture to flooring to store shelves. And the resulting product smells just fine.

Ch’yeah, whatever. Call me when it saves forests and can hold a screw.

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