I’d like to thank the academy

Vintage Bollywood...where's our one-sheet?of drama at Miskatonic University for enabling me to produce the following Bestial Bollywood action drama. Truly, it is a remarkable and possibly unique cinematic achievement and a touchstone in the history of man/beast homosadomasochistic rasslin’. Best supporting enabler award goes to the Bombay TV Bollywood movie generator, and first runner-up is the Generator Blog.

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Cthulhu and Bart Simpson: the dream team

though some might call them “Nightmare“.

Ia, whatever dude.

Indeed…

Where is your God now? Eh? Tell me that, you whippersnapper! Why in my day we used to snap your kind like twigs...

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Donnie Davies: the dream is over

 Joey Oglesby/Donnie Davies?

So it is over.

Or is it? Can these unconfirmed internet natterings really be the truth? Can Donnie Davies, merciless scourge of teh gheys and flaming beacon of Fundie righteousness, actually be nothing less than the fiendish creation of the devious and twisted mind of some underemployed and presumably oversexed Dallas musical theatre artiste?

But we can’t be too hard on Joey Oglesby. Haven’t we all gone deep inside ourselves and spent many a happy hour inventing the man of our dreams? Donnie Davies, pink-shirted paragon, international Internet sensation, a man with a sweet way with a musical and a six-string woody, and flaming brand of Christian uprightness, is quite a catch by any measure. And it wouldn’t be the first time some internet guy ended up with nothing more than an imaginary friend.

Donnie if you’re still out there somewhere: We’ll always have the comments section.

Actor Joey Oglesby pawed Serber as a football player in Debbie and gets to do it again as one of the dancing Aggies visiting the Best Little Whorehouse. When director Lemons told Oglesby he’d be wearing a jockstrap, and little else, for one of the numbers, the actor headed for the gym. “I have my 10-year high school reunion coming up, too, so I guess that’s a good thing,” he says. “I’ve never been opposed to taking off my clothes for laughs.”

A Baylor grad who’s also part of the Second Thought Theatre company, Oglesby says his Southern Baptist parents are “pretty open-minded” but refused to see Debbie Does Dallas, which was several notches raunchier than Whorehouse.

Maybe best not to tell them, or Zindler, who’s still on the air at Houston’s ABC station, that CTD occupies a two-story building off Lower Greenville Avenue that formerly served as a house of worship.

Says Sue Loncar, “Yep, we’ve put the hos in church. We’re probably all going to hell for that.”

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tag cloud nine

raincoaster's tag cloud is so way taggier than yours, yo!So there it is: the raincoaster tag cloud, which idea I got from Seismic Twitch who got the Cthulhu chandelier from me so that is what you call fair trade. Thanks to WordPress.com and their security restrictions it’s not dynamic, but at least it does exist and feature Cthulhu rather prominently, even though it appears to imply that God hates Helen Mirren, which even if it were true I would have no way of knowing, so call off the lawyers and the priests already!

When you cast your bread upon the waters, it often returns to you in strange and unusual forms, even if an thousandfold. I mean, who needs that much bread pudding? But after casting nearly two thousand blog posts upon the blog pond, the internet gave a great heave and tossed the following back at me:

the raincoaster game!
Jessica Coen says so!

I have my own game! Mother would be so proud!

In moderately unrelated news, Google has recently re-jiggered their jigs and re-mastered their masters and greased up the series of tubes known as the internet and as a result my Page Rank, which had been a solid and more than respectobiggle 6 back in the day, but which had plummeted to a juicy 0 after the domain change, has clambered back up to a moderately impressive 5, although there is still lost ground to be regained. Operation Global Media Domination has suffered setbacks before, but it can no more be killed than it can be exorcise: like antimatter, OGMD is inherent in the very nature of the universe and should it be eliminated by some unthinkable and unspeakable metaphysical conflict, the existence of existence itself would cease to be, the snake would swallow its own tail, and the world as we know it would vanish in a puff of hyacinth-scented fairy dust.

And nobody wants that to happen, do they?

Got credited “submitted by” on BoingBoing for submitting Helm’s Deep in Candy, which they and TORn picked up: did fuckall for my hits, actually, and Technorati is still steadfastly refusing to see the damn link. They hate me. Mutual, babes, mutual. But I still get up to twenty hits a day from my comments on the Helm’s Deep post: very strange, but I’ll take ’em!

BTW, I outTechnorati BoingBoing on a search for Helm’s Deep in Candy. *thrilled*

Also, the Guardian picked up my Fart Tax story, which I got from the Guardian, and named it “Best of the web” but of course I didn’t get a screenshot. D’oh! Going on the resume anyway. It is a strange kind of incestuousness indeed that makes the participants BOTH look good, but god knows I’m not proud. Arrogant, yes: proud, no.

Rev it up, baby! 

In extremely-related news, I found this delightful little metric on Blogpond. How could raincoaster here resist something called EgoSurfing? I ax ya. My results, which vary between 10,000 and 12,000, give me a ranking of “Common” which is surely the first and last time someone will be able to get away with calling me that; you can insult me, but only if you manage also to give the impression that I am original in my sordid vileness: is that too much to ask?

Recently I was whining about the effect of blog quietude on hits and a friend of mine expressed complete bafflement at my interest in the subject; more than this, he managed to imply that working for fame was invalid, whereas working for money was right and good. More on this some other time, but being, as I knew he was, of a quantifiable turn of mind, I simply looked at him and quietly said “During the time I’ve been visiting you I’ve gone up seven thousand, five hundred places on Technorati.”

Where is your 2% annual raise now?

And finally tonight, also in OGMD news, we present some of the top searches that have led people to the ol’ raincoaster blog. Let us give thanks to Donnie Davies, may he rest in peace, Helen Mirren‘s tits, and the immortal triad of Beautiful Agony, Beaver Shots, and Blackzilla.

Strangely, nobody wants to look at Doug‘s beaver shots. They much prefer Lori’s. Maybe I should host a sort of photographic carnival of beaver shots, an internet-wide challenge for the best beaver shots out there. But that would artificially game the hits, and that would be so, so very far beneath me.

Wouldn’t it?

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one more reason to drink gin

St. Mary MartiniAll the Polonium 210 in tea.

”This is all lies, provocation and government propaganda by the United Kingdom,” he said. ”They are trying to make up for their weak hand…”

Investigators have identified the teapot believed to have contained the radioactive tea, which eventually killed Litvinenko in November, Sky News said, citing unnamed Scotland Yard officials. ABC News had a similar report, citing an unidentified official…

ABC News said the teapot, found at the Millennium Hotel, remained in use for several weeks after the poisoning, adding that its radiation readings were extremely high.

Of the 13 people who tested positive for contamination with Polonium-210 since Litvinenko was poisoned, eight worked at the hotel. Two others who tested positive for the rare radioactive material also visited the hotel’s bar.

Litvinenko, 43, died on Nov. 23. The former KGB agent fled to Britain after leaving Russia and was granted asylum. In exile, he became a vocal opponent of Russian President Vladimir Putin, accusing him in a deathbed statement of masterminding his death…

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