Category Archives: Work

Heidi Fleiss fails to pimp bigly

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Remember me?

It’s true. Heidi Fleiss does not know how to turn it out. The former leading madam of Hollywood is a dreadful marketer.

Heidi Fleiss cannot pander.

Despite the frenzy of headlines that resulted from news (from the horse’s ass’s mouth) that Mike Tyson would be joining her Daniel Libeskind-designed stud farm in the Nevada desert, today Heidi Fleiss revealed that the mansion of manliness will be doing without his cannibalistic presence.

Helluva lot she knows about marketing.

Seriously, honey. When a story about a potential employee drives the blogosphere into a perfect storm of fetishistic repulsion and attraction, and you are a madam looking for publicity for your new venture featuring exotic men for rent, what you have is not a damage-control situation calling for denials.

What you have is a gift from god.

What do you think of my book?

ad placement o’ the day

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The last thing the millionaire rapist sees will be... 

From the Sun, via Fark, which seems to have totally missed this charming juxtaposition. You must go to the site click here to see one of the adds they’ve got in rotation on this story. I’m thinking somebody’s media buyer just got fired.

Short form: imprisoned rapist Iorworth Hoare wins lottery. Upon release, moves to expensive neighborhood. Is terrorized by giant European Eagle Owl.

Hogwarts 1: rapists 0.

In related news, fellow WordPress blogger and Vancouverite Marcus Frind, president of the Internet dating site Plenty of Fish, helped the US Marshals track down one of their most wanted criminals after he discovered the man was living with a woman he’d met through the site. Not exactly the kind of publicity I’d be hammering home to the public, myself. I mean, the news that my company is cooperating with law enforcement and putting away killers = good. The news that spree killers are trolling my dating site for women = bad.

But maybe that’s just me.

the wit and wisdom of the Simpsons

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to alcohol!

Parents are always complaining that there is nothing educational, life-affirming or decent in children’s television programming. Usually right before they fire up yet another round of Grand Theft Auto.

In any case, we here at the ol’ raincoaster blog beg to differ. There is, in fact, an excellent cartoon show which teaches kids the real life lessons that they will come to rely on as they learn to make their way in this crazy, mixed-up world we live in.

Lessons like “When adults hate their jobs they don’t quit. They just do them really, really half-assed.”

From West Egg via Fark:

Homer to Billy Corgan (of the Smashing Pumpkins): “Thanks to your gloomy, depressing music, my children no longer hope for the future I can not afford to give them.”
Corgan: “Yeah, we try to make a difference.”

Homer: The code of the schoolyard, Marge! The rules that teach a boy to be a man. Let’s see. [enumerates them on his fingers] Don’t tattle. Always make fun of those different from you. Never say anything, unless you’re sure everyone feels exactly the same way you do. What else…
The whole cast

Lisa: [sigh] I’ve got to stop being so petty. I should be Alison’s friend, not her competitor. I mean…she is a wonderful person…
Bart: Way to go, Lis. I mean, why compete with someone who’s just going to kick your butt anyway?
Lisa: [pause] I prefer my phrasing.

Homer: So, I realized that being with my family is more important than being cool.
Bart: Dad, what you just said was powerfully uncool.
Homer: You know what the song says: “It’s hip to be square”.
Lisa: That song is so lame.
Homer: So lame that it’s… cool?
Bart+Lisa: No.
Marge: Am I cool, kids?
Bart+Lisa: No.
Marge: Good. I’m glad. And that’s what makes me cool, not caring, right?
Bart+Lisa: No.
Marge: Well, how the hell do you be cool? I feel like we’ve tried everything here.
Homer: Wait, Marge. Maybe if you’re truly cool, you don’t need to be told you’re cool.
Bart: Well, sure you do.
Lisa: How else would you know?

stay gold, Brian Atene, stay gold

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Or at least gold-plated.

Here’s the real Brian Atene. He’s alive. He’s not fat. He’s still Over-the-Top and if you liked his cheesy bits here’s more of them. Atene Beat fans are logging onto christopherreeve.org and scooping-up those groovey Superman dogtags. Show support. Go forward! Get tagged and enjoy the unlikely life and madness of Brian Atene.

From the ashes of a now-legendary audition tape flameout rises the real 43-year-old Brian Atene, as overacty as ever and more than willing to make a fool of himself on YouTube if it coaxes the public into following his nerdy Master Plan and making the world a better place by buying dog tags from ChristopherReeve.org.

also stolen from Defamer. What can I say, Gawker sux since they hired the twin Hermiones!

moonbat conspiracist on Al Jazeera: The Nobel Prize Is Racist and Stems from the Protocols of the Elders of Zion

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Paranoia will destroy yaIf Al Jazeera‘s going to be interviewing these cryptopaths on a regular basis, I may have to get cable; this interview (from Halloween, no less) is historic in its moonbatty loop-tasticy.

Following are excerpts from an interview with Samir ‘Ubeid, an Iraqi researcher living in Europe, which aired on Al-Jazeera TV on October 31, 2006:

Samir ‘Ubeid: I don’t call it the Nobel prize – I call it the “Hubal” [idol] prize.

Interviewer: Hubal?

Samir ‘Ubeid: Yes, because it often encourages heresy. It encourages attacks against the heritage, and encourages those who scorn their people and their culture…

Interviewer: In other words, if you are a traitor to your country, you deserve this prize.

Samir ‘Ubeid: If you are a traitor to your country, and a heretic, who curses his Prophet, you deserve a Nobel Prize…

Mother Teresa was brought, along with a group of people like her…

Interviewer: Some say the prize was awarded to her for her missionary activity in Africa, India, and so on…

Samir ‘Ubeid: Let’s assume she was righteous, according to the logic of the media, which is now controlled by the Jews and Hollywood. When they awarded the prize to Teresa, they were trying to award an “artificial hymen” or “artificial honor” to this prize. My colleague said that there is democracy. What democracy is there, if out of 1.5 billion Chinese, only two or three were awarded the Nobel? If you examine the Russian scientists and writers, who shook the world with their literature and their knowledge… What about Sakharov, what about Tolstoy? In addition…

Interviewer: But Sakharov was awarded the Nobel prize.

Samir ‘Ubeid: I meant Chekhov. Chekhov! Chekhov!

Yep, some days, thinks the interviewer, it really is worth digging them out of the caves for an interview. Can’t you just picture him patiently steepling his fingers and straightening his notes as he tries hard not to burst into derisive laughter?

“For this,” he thinks, “I went to Oxford.”

Bart's not taking any chances