Michael Jackson, polarizing cultural icon, musician, actor, dancer, and child molester, has been dead exactly one year. Despite the worldwide health-focused publicity at the time of the tragic event, some people are only now waking up to “Michael Jacksonism” and realizing what critical health issues they should have addressed long ago.
Like condoms for kindergarteners.
I forget who said that, and am far too lazy to google it, but s/he could well have been talking to the victim of this particular food blogger. Allow me to present (yes, our third YouTube in a row, but it’s too good to pass up) the trailer for Bitter Feast, the tale of one chef’s revenge on a whorish, mean-spirited, lowest-common-denominator pandering food blogger:
via ManoloFood, which says:
The film centers around celebrity chef Peter Gray whose career is ostensibly ruined by a scathing review on the ficticious food blog “Gastropunks.” When Chef Gray is fired (by none other than Mario Batali in a cameo as a restaurant owner improbably named Gordon), he exacts revenge, taking the blogger hostage and torturing him in a series of Food Network worthy extreme cooking challenges. If the blogger can cook a perfect over easy egg, he can eat it; if not he’s got egg on his face — literally and delivered by way of a sizzling frying pan to the noggin.
Which is (bear with me here) funny. Before you run off screaming and accusing me of being all coldblooded Eating Raul
Can you IMAGINE what things would be like if there were, say, an island of truly snarky, untamed bloggers roaming free? It’d be like…Manhattan!
I couldn’t find any “what kind of food critic are you” quizzes, but I did find a Personality Disorder test, a What Nut Are You quiz (you MUST be one, if you’re a blogger, right?), What Herb Are You (I’d rather be Kiki!), and What Taste Are You (you’ll have to ask my ex). So, enjoy?
You Are a Pistachio |
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You’re very different than anyone you know. There’s no way you’re changing the way you are… Which is good, because no one wants you to change. |
You Are Cinnamon |
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You are passionate to the point of being overpowering. People can’t ignore your presence. You are always questioning and learning in your life. You’re on a bit of a spiritual journey. You are drawn toward power and success. You are never quite satisfied with your achievements. |
You Are Bitter |
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Instead, you are sophisticated and cultured. You appreciate acquired tastes. You are very powerful. You have the ability to change a room’s energy. While some may find you disagreeable, your points of view are intelligent and interesting. |
This shocking video must be seen to be believed! Prepare to be mind-blown as you watch this leggy beauty take it aaaaaaaaaaall off!
Your cognition has never been so dissonated!
(except by this)
It’s been quite some time since we had any decent Kirk/Spock sexual innuendo around these parts. That’s a terrible cultural drought, one which is about to get washed away in a warm bath of cheese. Ladies and gentlemen, and those readers of this blog who know you are neither and are reconciled to the fact, we present Captain James Tiberius Kirk and First Officer and Science Officer Spock in “You Spin Me Round“:
several long, thoughtful posts coming soon. But not on any kind of regular schedule; the neighbors with the wifi seem to have moved away. Ah, primitive surroundings.
raincoaster 