Double Rainbow AutoTune Unicorn Chaser

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It’s a bad sign when you need a Unicorn Chaser for the week and it’s only dawn on Wednesday. At least this is a good one: the world-famous OH MY GOD DOUBLE RAINBOW video, autotuned into perhaps the greatest piece of music since Yanni retired.

If you would like to do your part to cheer me up, you can either send booze or drop a comment on my Mummified Fairy post: it needs fewer than 90 to get to an even 2000 comments! I’m somewhat cheered up to note that I outrank BoingBoing and Snopes on searches for “Mummified fairy,” but it can’t hurt to add a comment anyway, I might backslide at any moment!

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Operation Global Media Domination: the Double Millennial Situation

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kids today

Want to cheer up a bummed out blogger who’s ALSO gotten death threats from rabid Michael Jackson fans in the last week (I mean, what an undignified way to die, at the hands of rabid Michael Jackson fans, ones who re no doubt wearing sweatpants with words across the ass)?

Comment on this post.

Not this one. THIS one. Because it needs fewer than 100 comments to make it to an even 2000 AND it’s my birthday on Saturday and you weren’t gonna buy me anything anyway.

But it’s okay. I’ve still got my poetry.

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Operation Global Media Domination: To Whom It May Concern

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True/Slant tells us the news is more than what happens, so here's what happened

True/Slant

“NEWS IS MORE THAN WHAT HAPPENS.”

Certified Mail –

Return Receipt Requested

June 22, 2010

RE: Content License Agreements

Dear Contributor:

As you are probably aware True/Slant Inc. has been bought by and merged into Forbes. This transaction means great changes for True/Slant. Unfortunately it means that at this time we must exercise our right to terminate our Agreement with you effective 30 days hence. We will be working with you to move your content to a WordPress blog; we’ll send details on that shortly. While at the moment we do not have a need for your services, we forsee the possibility down the road of contacting you again.

I wanted to personally thank you for all that you have done to make True/Slant what it is today. We wish you good luck and hope that our paths cross again in the future.

Very truly yours,

Lewis Dvorkin

549 BROADWAY SUITE 1012    NEW YORK, NY 10012     INFO@TRUESLANT.COM
TRUESLANT.COM
.


God knows, I’ve been laid off before. Just usually by people who knew my name.

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For those of you who are interested, no, the Michael Jackson posts didn’t do it. It’d be a sorry-ass news site indeed that would fire somebody for getting hate mail. Coates and I had a lot of talks before I got hired, and one of the things that made him say Yes was my ability to generate controversy. Which hasn’t gotten my work posted to the front page ever since I started talking about Michael Jackson, but who knows? Maybe Steve Forbes is a big fan. I actually have no complaints about the way I was treated, except the one about a non-specific noun rather than a personal one in that greeting. May I be excused my emo moment?

It’s okay, I’ve still got my poetry.

By the way, for trivia fans no, they did not in fact send it Certified Mail, so I guess this will have to do as a return receipt.

I’ll be very, very sorry to see this gig go. It was never going to be a millionaire-maker, nor was my drawing power something that had Matt Taibbi staying up nights, but I was proud of the work I did there (and, I guess, will continue to do right up till the end of July, just because I’m so nice) and having briefly had one, I will never again underestimate the power of a site that has the attention of the New York media.

John Cusack retweeted my post about him, and said (somewhat loopily, as usual) “I liek lorriane!” Ian McKellen retweeted my post about him.

It’s not supposed to matter, but it does. At least they know my name.

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Operation Global Media Domination: The Michael Jackson Situation

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Wacko Jacko Heart AttackoI can’t say I didn’t know what I was getting into. I was getting into something like a cross between a rabid wolverine in a disco and the battle of Ypres. That I got out alive surprises everyone, including the Michael Jackson fan who repeatedly threatened me with a visitation from the undead Zombie Michael Jackson. Why?

Here’s why:

Yes, he made some terrific songs. He could dance up a storm. He was a fantastic entertainer, one of the greatest. And overcame a background of terrible abuse to become his own man and direct his own course.

But the truth is, he gave children as young as eight or nine alcohol without their knowledge, slept with little boys, and bought off or threatened the parents into silence. Something about this makes me uncomfortable describing his death as a loss.

It is a truth universally acknowledged that in the universe of fandom there are no fans as wacko as Jacko’s (which reminds me of Guido’s brilliant headline announcing the death: Wacko Jacko Heart Attacko) not even Apple fanboys or Twihards. So it wasn’t unexpected.

But it was ugly.

First of all, I’d like to thank the over 100 people who hate my guts and yet posted my article to their Facebook walls. You will always have the enduring gratitude of Operation Global Media Domination. And to the 27 or so who tweeted the link, again, you have my sincere appreciation. Plus the 30 or so new Twitter followers that resulted.

This is sort of what Obi Wan meant when he said “If you strike me down I shall become more powerful than you could possibly imagine,” which is particularly appropriate in this case, as I rather doubt any of them have much imagination. And the 34 commenters; you have a special place in my heart. Where I can keep an eye on you.

And then there’s what it looked like on Twitter. I suggest you click on the link and read from the bottom up, as that’s the time-line:

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Pic O’ the Day: The Flowers

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please don't pick the flowers

This is a wicked-cool pic by my friend, the wicked-cool Gena Thompson. The backstory here, not that the image needs one, is that this was taken from a plot of land across the street from a car repair shop. Many years ago, one guy at the car repair shop though that plot of land should have some flowers on it, so he planted roses, and to this day the rose garden he planted has endured. It’s in the heart of the Downtown Eastside, where many would simply assume the flowers would be stripped, but year in and year out they endure, jammed between the repair shop and the railway yards, on a strip of grass no wider than a man can reach.

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