Peeler Video!
23 Jun 2010 9 Comments
in Crabs, Cthulhu, Scientology, Weird, beaver, gross
This shocking video must be seen to be believed! Prepare to be mind-blown as you watch this leggy beauty take it aaaaaaaaaaall off!
Your cognition has never been so dissonated!
(except by this)
Beaver Shots: golden shower on video
13 Nov 2009 5 Comments
in Allegory, Entertainment, Humour, Science, Weird, YouTube, animals, beaver, fetish, gross, humor, news, tasteless
It’s become fashionable, particularly among journalists, to lament the sorry state of contemporary journalism. Papers may be folding, reporters may be getting laid off, sure, but that doesn’t stop devoted professionals from bringing you the news that matters, day after day.
Take Debbye Turner Bell here of CBS‘s The Early Show.
Make that DOCTOR Debbye Turner Bell, former Miss America.
Since she was crowned Miss America 1990, Dr. Debbye Turner has spoken to 500,000 students at hundreds of schools, youth organizations, and college campuses. Her topics include personal excellence, unrelenting determination, goal setting, and the importance of a solid education. She strongly believes that any person has the potential for success no matter their race, socio-economic background, or gender. She uses her own life as an example of triumphing over the odds. It took seven years, eleven tries, in two states to get to the Miss America Pageant.
Heartwarming, is it not? Why, her parents must be so proud. It must be a great joy to them to turn the television on and see their little girl, all grown up and getting sprayed with urine by a flailing Canadian beaver.
THERE SHE IS, MISS AMERICA
From “The Miss America Pageant”
(Bernie Wayne)
There she is, Miss America
There she is, your ideal
The dream of a million girls who are more than pretty can come true
in Atlantic City
For she may turn out to be the Queen of femininity
There she is, Miss America
There she is, your ideal
With so many beauties she took the town by storm
With her all-American face and form
And there she is
Walking on air, she is
Fairest of the fair, she is
There she is – Miss America
Beaver Shots: how to eat beaver
11 Nov 2009 27 Comments
in Canada, Culture, Etiquette, Hoaxes, Humour, Porn, Sex, Weird, animals, beaver, cooking, fetish, humor, meme, tasteless
Yes, this is a post about how to eat beaver. Not just ANY beaver, you understand; we have us some STANDARDS around these parts (these ones right down…here) and will not show you how to gnaw on gristly old beaver, the kind like an old baseball mitt made out of bbq jerky.
The wife coyly tried to explain her purchase of a new pair of expensive imported panties. “After all, dear,” she said to her husband, “You wouldn’t expect to find fine perfume in a cheap bottle, would you?”
“No,” her husband replied. “Nor would I expect to find gift wrapping on a dead beaver.”
No indeed!
We’re all about the fresh, young beaver here. Although perhaps not as much as the lesbians down at Lick might like, now that we think of it.
Where were we? Oh yes, speaking of ourselves in the second-person plural, for no reason we can fathom other than it’s practice for when Randy Andy comes to his senses, loses some weight, and gets his butt off the golf course and marries me. Or Hot Ginge, I’m easy.
Anyway, it does look like some people could use instructions for the most basic things, like the great Canadian (yes, it’s Canadian, check out the website) art of beaver-eating. Why, we’ve even got 1/24th of each day devoted to beaver!
Dude, it’s too late for us to help you. Whereas, in my country beaver-eating is a competitive sport.
And the Aussies are no slouches at taking care of beavers, as you can see in this video that Metro has been waiting almost exactly one year for me to steal.
The Brits, on the other hand, have to go to great, bureaucracy-enveloping lengths to be reintroduced to beavers. What, they don’t have Lavalife there? Apparently, they killed every one they could find, thus bringing to life the old cliche about, If I see something I’ve never seen before, I’ll shoot it. Boarding school has a lot to answer for, I’m telling you.
Russia, of course, being somewhat desperate and all out of ponies and small children since Yeltsin sold every mammal larger than a husky, has developed its own way to prepare beaver for eating, and here it is, with photos. Warning! Very wet and lots of bare flesh!
The Catholic Church, surprisingly, has no issue with the Beav, and encourages people to eat it on Friday. Well, it’s a start, I guess.
The 17th century Catholic Church actually declared beavers to be a fish according to dietary restrictions, meaning they are ok to eat on both Fridays and throughout Lent.
Well, this should be more widely known, is all I have to say about the matter!
Some organizations can be so forward-thinking. Look at the Boy Scouts, for instance:
Did you know that the US Cub Scouts give a Silver Beaver award? I nearly got thrown out of the leader’s meeting for laughing so much when they gave it to a retired woman with grey hair.
Hmmm, it’s given for Outstanding Service to Youth. I know more than one or two beavers that would qualify under those criteria!
In the spirit of these fine organizations and countries comes a post from Bug Girl on her serendipitous discovery of a tome of wisdom devoted, at least in substantial part, to instructions on pleasing one’s wife with wild games and, of course, the preparation and consumption of beaver.
The author claims the meat is “dark, moist and tender”; Hmmmm, sounds like somebody’s got a touch of Jungle Fever.
I wonder if it has some tips on how to stuff a beaver? It’s been so long I’ve forgotten.
Amateur Beaver Video: wet and wild beaver shots!
15 Aug 2009 11 Comments
in Allegory, Canada, Hoaxes, Humour, Porn, Sex, animals, beaver, humor, meme
Yes, here it is, just what you’re looking for. LITERALLY what you’re looking for, if you came via a search: amateur beaver video, shot outdoors, and soaking wet. Feast your eyes on this beauty:
Don’t say I never did nuthin’ for ya!
Beaver Shots: Wild Road Beaver
09 Mar 2009 17 Comments
in Canada, Culture, Etiquette, Hoaxes, Humour, Porn, Sex, Weird, Wildlife, YouTube, animals, beaver, fetish, humor, meme, tasteless
Beaver is, of course, the national animal of Canada, and for good reason: who doesn’t like a friendly beaver? Why, there’s nothing so welcoming to travel-weary tourists as the sight of a naked beaver straddling the dotted line in the middle of the highway, greeting the newcomers with what passes for wild abandon here in Canuckistan.
You’ve heard, perhaps, of the Canadian who asked the US border guard to say “Please?” He got pepper sprayed.
And a few years ago there was a lineup at an ATM in Montreal. A Canadian got to the front of the line, got his money from the machine, said “Thank you,” to the machine…
And the American in line behind him beat him up.
Chocolate Beaver Shot!
22 Jan 2009 10 Comments
in Canada, Etiquette, Fearless City, Hoaxes, Humour, Literary, Porn, Vancouver, beaver, fetish, humor, tasteless
Chocolate beaver is available for sale right in broad daylight on Robson Street! It’s really quite brazen the way they pose in the window, hoping to entice some passerby in a moment of weakneses to give in to his baser instincts!
photo by April Smith, intrepid Fearless photographer
Beaver Movie Goes On the Down Low to Come Out On Top
11 Dec 2008 13 Comments
in Allegory, Culture, Entertainment, Hoaxes, Humour, Movies, Operation Global Media Domination, Weird, animals, beaver, fetish, humor, sad
Beaver shots are, indeed, one of our evergreen subjects around these parts, although if yours is green I’d recommend that Monistat stuff or maybe some nutritious, low-cal cranberry and yogurt smoothies.
Ahem.
And so it is that, once again, we are posting about beaver. Well, everybody loves beaver, right? Why, it’s the national animal of Canada! But specifically today, we are posting about The Beaver.
The. Beaver.
The forbidden beaver!
For as our trusty allies at Defamer report, The Beaver is possibly the hottest, best, most popular thing in Hollywood right now, but even so, The Beaver can’t get a contract.
Sigh. How many times have we heard it, my friends? How many more times must we hear this sad tale of neglected beavitude?
From The Black List, a list of greatest unproduced screenplays:
1. THE BEAVER, Kyle Killen
Walter Black, a depressed toy manufacturer, loses his family and his business. But then Walter tries on a hand puppet — a chatty British rodent called ”The Beaver” — and his personality is transformed. It’s all good at first, but things turn ugly when the puppet won’t let go.
That, too, is a tale oft told. But ask any girl: Walter totally has it coming. You can’t pick up a discarded beaver, talk to it nice, fist it, and then expect to just walk away.
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