Sorry folks, our standard operating procedures here at the ol’ raincoaster blog, wherein our armies of tiny elf reporters surf the farthest tubes of the internets in search of edutainment of suitable refinement for your rarified sensibilities, have had something of a critical collapse in the past 24 hours.
Normal service will be restored shortly. Oh who am I kidding: we’ve never been normal!
We like to take credit where credit is due, and sometimes where it isn’t, but we at the ol’ raincoaster blog do think we were on this Shakespearean meme first. Still, we welcome the appearance of more classically-trained bloggers.
In related news:
The Most Improbable Meme in the World Soldiers On
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Probably Edwards‘.
Note that the notoriously blunt freeze-dried conservative didn’t actually call Edwards a faggot. Rather, she expressed her belief that if you use the word you get sent to rehab.
At least now we know what Britney‘s abusing: the English language. I suppose that was on Fox, so I missed it.
Video over the jump, if you really need to see it. But you might want to take a gander just because the work she had done recently seems to have turned out rather better than her usual “just lipo and tan everything below the hairline” look.
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Finally. After years of muddling around, pooping out gold records and platinum extensions, dropping babies and husbands in record time, Britney Spears finally has an epiphany.
“I’m a fake!”
Yes, dear.
A source told Britain’s News of the World newspaper: “She was crying and shouting, ‘I am the Antichrist!’ Then she started screaming, ‘I’m a fake!’
Of course, that source also told them that the staff at the rehab center was totally freaked out by the incident and suicide attempt, which I am absolutely 100% certain never, ever happens in a rehab, so naturally they were a bit befuddled.
In that very six-degrees way, I am connected to Britney. I know a guy whose (cousin? brother-in-law? sumpin’) had the job of driving her around town while she was here filming Crossroads. He said she was a just sweet, dumb Southern girl looking for a fun time who just happened to have millions of dollars and millions of fans. She’d hop in the van at the end of the day and ask, “So where do you want to go for dinner? Can we pick up your friends?” and they would, all twelve or fifteen of them, and Britney would always pay the tab. So all the nasty things one might say have to be mitigated by the fact that she really is just a decent kid at heart.
That said…
She’s not the world’s greatest actress, but you certainly can’t tell it from the press she’s been getting lately; they’ve swallowed her ridiculous script whole. This is not how people who are going insane actually act; this is how people who are acting insane but whose agent hasn’t been able to get them good material act.
Then again, perhaps it’s her PR who is the Oscar-worthy one, as she’s managed to convince the entire world that Britney has rented an entire wing at Promises when Promises, in fact, does not have any wings at all, not even vestigal ones. She should get at least a Saggie for getting them to swallow the whole “I am the Antichrist!” and suicide attempt, IMHO (btw, I’m so used to Web 2.0 nomenclature I originally spelled that “AntiChrist“; is the Antichrist Web 2.0? I think he’s more machine language, myself, but must look that up in Revelations).
But I love this:
“Justin was distressed to learn about the state Britney was in. Lynne was touched by the gesture but begged him not to go. He promised to hook up with her at a later date.”
(c) BANG Media International.
I’ll bet he did, BANG Media. I’ll just bet he did.
But probably not till she’s lost thirty pounds or so.
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for realz. This is not some Borat-inspired joke, this is the real thing. Stolen from Gawker.
Dear Sir/Madam, The Cultural Center of Kazakhstan, Inc. in New York proudly presents the Project “From Kazakhstan with Love”, which will take place on 24 March of 2007. This event will allow professional ballet masters, singers and musicians from country of Republic of Kazakhstan, to have an opportunity to show their master skills and top level of the arts of the Republic of Kazakhstan in the city of New York. The participants will perform alongside with the distinguished American performers and American Kazakhstan performers, achieved a high recognition abroad as Prima Ballerina of New Jersey State Theater Saule Rakhmedova, Ballet dancer Tuvshin Bold, and a winner of the International competitions pianist Alia Alhan Malkeeva. The performances will take place on of the best stage of the city New York, at the Time Warnerner building Allen Hall (capacity of 427 people). The importance of this event is essential for the promotion of the culture of the Republic of Kazakhstan in the United States, and especially in the city of New York, which is considered as the Capital of the World for the arts and music. While living in the United States, we still struggle to explain what is our beloved country, and we dream of the great and peaceful representation of our country here through the cosmopolitan language of the arts.. We also offering the presence of your representative on these events, where we assure you the best attention and care of the arrived guests and free tickets for this events. Under your decision we are offering the speech of your representative on the events. We would like to kindly request your help for the successful completion of this event. Your help could be addressed to the Cultural center of Kazakhstan, Inc. bank account, through the web site of the organization. We are officially assuring you to follow all of your requests.Sincerely,
President of The Cultural Center of Kazakhstan, Inc,
Alia Alhan Mal’keeva, Ph.D.
www.kzculture.com
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raincoaster 