Category Archives: Allegory

operation global media domination: porn stalker!

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TIAWell this is odd. Sometime in the last 72 hours someone (no idea who) labelled my blog as porn, using the handy-dandy WordPress “Label this blog Adult” feature. Someone on the forum told me this is supposed to flag it for review and, if the blog is indeed found to be porn, it’s taken off search engine updates, dropped from the “Next Blog” “Tag Surfer” “Blog of the day” “Top Posts” and “Latest Posts” rolls, and the blogger can no longer post comments, which I found out when I tried to inform whatsername with the Starbucks iced coffee coupon that it is, in fact, legit.

Well, now I have reason to believe that the instant someone tags the fucker with “Porn” it sticks, and only an appeal will get it out of the gutter and back into the starry sky.

So that’s what happened. Sometime last night it dawned on me that my hits were half, count ’em, half what they should normally be, and that for some reason my posts weren’t showing up where they should.

And this does not take me to my happy place.

I posted a question in the forum and sent in a Support Contact Form, as one is supposed to do. About six hours later (in fairness, it WAS the middle of the night) I get an email from Barry saying sorry, we checked your blog, it’s fine, it had been “porned” and it’s not, so you’re good to go.

Surely, I thought, surely that would have given me some kind of period of immunity, like a vaccination.

Silly me.

“Referrers” is a stat table that lists the links that people have come to your blog through, and how many came through each. For today so far, mine looks like this:

Referrer Views
wordpress.com/tag/porn 11
wordpress.com/tag/porn/7 8
colddesert.blogspot.com 5
topix.net/who/cloris-leachman 4
wordpress.com/tag/porn/6 3

Yes, someone has gone through 8 or more pages of Porn tags on WordPress, looking for mine. No doubt thinking if s/he can whine “oh but she has 22 posts tagged “porn” it’s an open and shut case. Well it’s not, because I have never posted porn on this blog and I defy anyone to say it’s not PG-13. Particularly since Photobucket took down my pictures of large public sculptures; okay, so the Boris Vallejo was a bit edgy. Believe me, I’m well aware of those boundaries, having dealt with that issue for several years.

Let’s take a look at some of the blog entries tagged “Porn” on the ol’ raincoaster blog, shall we? Because we know you like to look at porn.

BoingBoing on TWAT, which reproduced a BoingBoing post of a RyanAir ad about people (small, distant, probably Irish people) taking their clothes off at an airport.

Operation Global Media Domination: The Rear View, in which we discover I’ve been linked to by both LibertyForum and Nastyfuckingporn.com, a link blog.

If Men Wrote Advice Columns, a joke column I found on Fark.

Beaver Shots. The ever-popular. Beavers swimming in the Okanagan.

Check into the Paris Hilton, an SNL skit starring guess who? Dirty puns, nothing more.

Ah yes, the infamous Marketing Tips for Hookers, an original piece of humour blogging from the Downtown EastSide, featuring stories that were just too funny to go in my book.

The Shebeen Club: Book Banning, Free Speech, and Mein Kampf. How ironic.

Had a minor heartflip an hour ago when it appeared I’d been re-porned, but Barry now tells me that’s not the case and probably would advise me to take two asprin and get a life, if he weren’t such a polite lad, but he is, and he can’t help it.

UPDATE: all my comments, including the ones on this very blog, are now being labelled Spam and held for approval. Swellerific.

cybermen call centre

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Now, really, doesn’t this explain everything?

I love it when Daleks get pissy. “All you do is pro-cras-tin-ate! Pro-cras-tin-ate!”

marketing ploy o’ the day: Lakehead University

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Hmmm, wonder what that says?

Hey, that’s kind of a nifty-looking poster. Wonder what it actually says.

Let’s take a closer look, shall we?

Yale Shmale we say to the male

Graduating from
an Ivy League university
doesn’t necessarily mean you’re smart.

Lakehead University, a teensy-tinsey little school out in the boondocks near my aunt’s place (which actually describes all of the places near all of my aunts, come to think of it, except Dodie) has come up with a killer of a marketing ploy, if a bit late for September registrations.

A little background; it’s not exactly Ivy League, but it was considered appropriate for His Royal Highness Randy Andy when he did his time in the Colonies. It has a vaguely preppy, vaguely party reputation, but the draw for parents is that it’s so isolated you can’t really end up passed out at Younge and Bloor at dawn; that they assume you’ll dedicate your time to studying instead of drinking is a testament not only to their optimism, but also to the scarcity of really good booze up there. When I went to university, Lakehead had about 2500 students, roughly as many as my sister’s high school.

Apparently, they’ve decided to do a bit of outreach and in this their historically quirky, smartassed attitude has done them proud. Check out the Yale Shmale website and, if you’re still looking for something to do in September, keep them in mind.

We wouldn’t want you to end up like that guy in the poster!

this man has ten inches, huge stones

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This aught to be good for hits: welcome, pervs!

via Fark. Seriously, this man has ten inches, huge stones, and they’re worth a helluva lot of money. Check them out:

Twin EmeraldsYou would have to admit, looking at them, that those are some seriously impressive rocks.

And much easier to make into decorative accessories, don’t you think?

According to this report, there are ten inches and 581 carats of emerald there, not exactly gem quality (note the chartreuse colour, rather than…uh…emerald green) but it would still make a pretty nifty museum exhibit.

Not to mention it would make the world’s prettiest and most expensive wind chimes, should he care to sliver some slices off.

I shall leave you with this image, from the article.

“I had a fit,” the ever-energetic Hill said Thursday. “I about hyperventilated.”

After Hill cleaned up … and his staff took photos of him holding it, he laid it in a box filled with cotton batting and called his marketing consultants.

Who probably spent too much time working up a press release and not nearly enough asking bloggers to come up with dirty headlines!

never argue with a woman

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From Mistress Cowfish:

Never Argue with a WomanOne morning the husband returns after several hours of
fishing and decides to take a nap. Although not familiar
with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out.
She motors out a short distance, anchors, and reads her
book. Along comes a Game Warden in his boat. He pulls
up alongside the woman and says, “Good morning, Ma’am.
What are you doing?”
“Reading a book,” she replies, (thinking, “Isn’t that
obvious?”)
‘You’re in a Restricted Fishing Area,” he informs her.
“I’m sorry, officer, but I’m not fishing. I’m reading.”
“Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you
could start at any moment. I’ll have to take you in and write you
up”. “If you do that, I’ll have to charge you with sexual
assault, “says the woman.
“But I haven’t even touched you,” says the game warden.
“That’s true, but you have all the equipment. For all
I know you could start at any moment.”
“Have a nice day ma’am,” and he left.

MORAL: Never argue with a woman who reads. It’s likely she
can also think. Send this to four women who are thinkers.