Operation Global Media Domination: the Chinese Gwyneth Paltrow Situation

social mediaLooking at my stats for the past hour, it appears that someone who reads Valleywag but doesn’t officially work there thinks I’m Lainey. Because presumably the people who work there know very well that I linked to them from the gossip blog only a few days ago, and they know it’s not Lainey‘s. So, am I Lainey?

This would be a “no.”

My gossip, however non-lucrative, is at least not consistently four days late. Seriously, when I started I wanted to give homegirl the luv, since all I do is link to other gossip blogs and she is a famously bootstrapping local. But after a couple of weeks trawling through the digital equivalent of stale, tepid bile drawn from the liver of a superannuated Robson Street barfly, I gave up. If it’s vicious, I can’t use it unless it’s also really funny. But if it’s stale and/or dull, I can’t use it at all.

So, keep looking. I’m still not going to blog about you. Levin, maybe.

so, it’s 2:30 in the morning and…

WRONG! ON THE INTERNET

Passed along by Bug Girl

Anonymous vs ME!!!!!

OMG WTF!?!?!?!?! Anonymous is after ME now! Shitgoddamholyfuckyikes! I knew that this gossip blogging gig would be trouble!

Maybe Scientology will protect me?

Stolen from Valleywag

Hello. Internet Gossip Bloggers. We are The Z-List Celebrities.

Over the years we have been watching you. Watching us. Your blog posts, showing our drunkenness, our nip slips, our public breakdowns, have caught our eye. With the rise of your blog traffic and general influence in the entertainment industry, we, The Z-List Celebrities, have decided that you must be destroyed.

For the good of your readers, for the good of society and, most of all, for the good of our failing shit-tastic careers we will systematically expel your blogs from the internet and dismantle your growing sphere of influence.

No longer will we be your birthday sluts.

No longer will TMZ’s cameras ambush us outside restaurants.

No longer will you draw cocks on our faces.

We recognize you as serious opponents and do not expect our mission to succeed in a short time frame. Regardless we will no longer tolerate you mocking members of our organization. Like Tara Reid for example, leave her alone. She’s really talented. Sure her tits are weird but she just needs the right part to showcase her abilities, You’ll see.

You have nowhere to hide. Because we are everywhere. You will have no recourse of attack because for every reality star that falls, ten more will take their place.

We are The Z-List Celebrities.

We are Legion.

We do not forgive.

WE DO NOT FORGET.

Expect us.

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Dear BC Hydro

Who, exactly, is the person responsible for the rolling blackouts over the past two days? You know, the one that appears to have blown up my shiny new server and driven my router into fits from which only (and ironically) electroshock therapy can return it. I just need an address and body weight, to calculate the dosage.

drunk beaver shot

Beaver shots have naturally, month after month, continued to be one of the most popular features here on the ol’ raincoaster blog. From Old Parliamentary Beavers to Beavers sniffed, fondled, played with by Wetmore Woman, to the cyborg perversions of the Hairy Robot Beaver, we have endeavored to bring you all the up to the minute, hot, breaking beaver shots.

Although we have never actually broken a beaver. Why, not so much as given one a rash.

Yet.

So now we bring you news of a brand new, and very sticky, moist beaver indeed. Click on for details…if you’re old enough!

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