Operation Global Media Domination: the celebrity situation

You can’t touch this.
http://twitter.com/#!/raincoaster/status/27594335937
No, seriously, you can’t touch this.
http://twitter.com/#!/johncusack/status/27595857284
Because it’s pixels on a computer monitor, silly.

And also because it was followed by two DMs and a Follow from @johncusack, but it’s cool. It’s no big deal. Because I’m not That Creepy Fan. Nope, not me.

Guess the Goth (Ayyyy)
Bieber-bashing, a sport for the whole famdamily!(CelebrityBeehive)
Jerry Lewis has the secret to happiness (raincoaster)
Vladimir Putin vs Conde Nasty (Lolebrity)
Cthulhu vs Jackass (AgentBedhead)
As god is my witness, I thought NFL has-beens could fly(BusyBeeBlogger)
Celine Dion is keeping her fingers AND legs crossed (CeleBitchy)
Mad Men spoilers don’t make ME angry (CelebrityDirtyLaundry)
Death to Duckface! (CityRag)
By the ghost of Auntie Grizelda!!! (SeriouslyOMG)
Latoya is a vision…(Cojostyle)
Tyra Banks kidnaps teen sex addict? (DailyStab)
Fembot popstar NO this isn’t about Pussycat Dolls (DListed)
Yes, Colin, we still remember the Britney thing (LaineyGossip)
Save the boobies!!! (INeedMyFix)
Kate Hudson with a pretty dress and a face full of Botox(JustJared)
Johnny Depp continues path to canonization (PerezHilton)
Cindy Crawford is still Cindy Freaking Crawford (PopBytes)

The Secret of Enjoying Life

Come on, GET FUCKING HAPPY!!!!

Jerry Lewis has the secret of happiness

Another quote o’ the day, this time one from HP Lovecraft, never known as a barrel of laughs at the best of times, but one of the very sharpest knives in all the cutlery drawer.

And he said, of an acquaintance…

He enjoys life — as do all who are spared the curse of intelligence.

Thinkabowdit. All I’m sayin’.

Paris Hilton’s Bunny Hutch

 

Paris Hilton was in Donnie Darko? I don't remember that part.

Paris Hilton was in Donnie Darko? I don't remember that part. These remakes have gone too far.

imaj: Lolebrity
sorse: Fark

Mind you, if Jake Gyllenhaal is in this one too, I’d totally watch it. Some people wonder why Paris Hilton has a movie career, but think about it: House of Wax on DVD = $7 to watch Paris Hilton die!

And now, yes, your Gossip Links. It’s only three times a week, shut up!

Hipster Potter and the Philosophers, Stoned (raincoaster)
Friday Caption Contest: Cravat Edition (Ayyyy)
Ozzy and Slash: pocket queens (Lolebrity)
The Gruesome Twosome are no more (CelebrityBeehive)
Kate Moss is just dicking with Pete Doherty now (AgentBedhead)
Alicia Keys popped! (BusyBeeBlogger)
Pink gets on the horn (CelebDirtyLaundry)
We’ll have no Beyonceing here! (CelebritySmack)
Eva Longoria Parker poses next to a Paula Abdul impersonator (DailyStab)
Kim Kardashian’s butt armor needs a blacksmith ASAP (GabbyBabble)
NPH officially world’s coolest dad (HaveUHeard)
Katy Perry is no Julie Newmar (INeedMyFix)
What happens in Vegas stays…on PerezHilton (PerezHilton)
St Britney (PinkIsTheNewBlog)
10 best-dressed authors (Flavorwire)

Happy Birthday, Margaret Thatcher

Zombies among us!

Zombies Among Us!


Width 666. I love that.
Hugh Muir here stole the words right out of my mouth:

Finally, quite a few people have been in touch to wish Margaret Hilda Thatcher a happy 85th – notwithstanding her bout of flu, from which we wish her a speedy recovery. They point out that on her birthday the news was full of stories about the courage and fortitude of miners. They seemed to enjoy the juxtaposition. Funny how things turn out.

And, of course, Elvis Costello.

I saw a newspaper picture from the political
campaign
A woman was kissing a child, who was obviously
in pain
She spills with compassion, as that young child’s
face in her hands she grips
Can you imagine all that greed and avarice
coming down on that child’s lips Well I hope I don’t die too soon
I pray the Lord my soul to save
Oh I’ll be a good boy, I’m trying so hard to behave
Because there’s one thing I know, I’d like to live
long enough to savour
That’s when they finally put you in the ground
I’ll stand on your grave and tramp the dirt down

When England was the whore of the world
Margeret [sic] was her madam
And the future looked as bright and as clear as
the black tarmacadam
Well I hope that she sleeps well at night, isn’t
haunted by every tiny detail
‘Cos when she held that lovely face in her hands
all she thought of was betrayal

And now the cynical ones say that it all ends
the same in the long run
Try telling that to the desperate father who just
squeezed the life from his only son
And how it’s only voices in your head and
dreams you never dreamt
Try telling him the subtle difference between
justice and contempt
Try telling me she isn’t angry with this pitiful
discontent
When they flaunt it in your face as you line up
for punishment
And then expect you to say “Thank you”
straighten up, look proud and pleased
Because you’ve only got the symptoms, you
haven’t got the whole disease
Just like a schoolboy, whose head’s like a tin-can
filled up with dreams then poured down
the drain
Try telling that to the boys on both sides, being
blown to bits or beaten and maimed
Who takes all the glory and none of the shame

Well I hope you live long now, I pray the Lord
your soul to keep
I think I’ll be going before we fold our arms
and start to weep
I never thought for a moment that human life
could be so cheap
‘Cos when they finally put you in the ground
They’ll stand there laughing and tramp the
dirt down

UPDATE: Now, with extra bitterness, via Facebook:

Frankie Boyle on TV just now:

I hear there’s a debate over whether Thatcher should be given a state funeral. The only debate most people I know are having us whether she needs to be dead before we bury her. Three million quid to bury that woman? For that money we could buy everyone in the country a shovel and dig a hole deep enough to hand her over to Satan personally.

 

Hipster Potter and the Philosophers, Stoned

Hipster Potter and the Order of the Phen-Tex

Hipster Potter and the Order of the Phentex

What’s Phentex you ask? Oh, silly little person. Don’t worry, it’s quite esoteric and you’ve probably never heard of it.

And, yes, more gossip links. I’ve just gotten a huge project off my desk, so no worries, I’m going to have more time for REAL blogging now.

Chairdancing With The Hotties (raincoaster)
Bobby Trendy, Big Mouth (Ayyyy)
Johnny Depp-O-Rama (Lolebrity)
Lindsay Lohan’s badass, coke-seeing escape attempt (CelebrityBeehive)
Heather Graham has swimmer’s ear (AgentBedhead)
David Arquette mistakes Howard Stern for Oprah Winfrey (AmyGrindhouse)
Caaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan!!!! (BusyBeeBlogger)
Suddenly, there’s not a dry seat in the house! (CeleBitchy)
The end days are upon us: even men hate Jennifer Aniston now (CelebDirtyLaundry)
Bad Panda! (DListed)
That’s a whole LOTTA tablecloth, Keira (GoFugYourself)
Taylor Swift is still an angsty teen (HaveUHeard)
Raisin on board! (INeedMyFix)
Perez Hilton, nice guy? (PerezHilton)
Does Britney Spears have a crush on George Stephanopoulos (PoorBritney)
Michael J. Fox goes back to Back to the Future! (SeriouslyOMG)
Adam Sandler makes a lousy lesbian (ASL)