From the Department of Bad Advice

John Cusack and I are both magnets for bad advice

John Cusack and I are both magnets for bad advice

Beneficial for whom? Do you have any IDEA what people like Cusack and me do to mainstreams into which we attempt to integrate? Roughly what a wolverine that’s on fire and radioactive to boot does to a toilet paper roll it’s trying to crawl through, that’s what. See this picture?

Hunter S Thompson John Cusack and Johnny Depp plus one

Pamela Anderson's looking a little rough. Hunter S Thompson John Cusack and Johnny Depp plus one

Do you REALLY want these people in your Bell Curve? No. No, you do not. These aren’t the droids you’re looking for.

These are:

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A Love Story for Our Time

Internet Love never works out

Internet Love never works out. Lavalife has a lot to answer for.

Haven’t we all had that experience? The tall, handsome, male charmer online somehow morphs, in between tweeting and meeting, into a stubby, Faces-of-Meth, hermaphroditic, spectrum disorder-having bedwetter. Oh, there may be plenty of fish out there, but YOU try getting one to make conversation over a nice entree.

 

The Booty Call of Cthulhu

The Booty Call of Cthulhu

Kate Gosselin will settle for just ANYONE.

Anybody need a stiff drink after that? Apparently I need a Bloody Mary:


You Are a Bloody Mary


You’re a fairly serious drinker who’s experimented a lot with different drinks.

You know what you like to drink, but you’re not a snob. You’ll drink anything in a pinch. 

You’re a drunk, but you are a stable drunk. You don’t ever let your drinking get out of control.

You’re the one who keeps everyone levelheaded, even if you’ve had the most to drink.

If you don’t feel like a drink but have been inspired to take quite a different kind of action, here’s the “what kind of toilet user are you” quiz that you didn’t know you were waiting for.


Your Toilet Personality is Social


You’ll go anywhere, anytime, with anyone. In fact, you secretly talk on the phone when you’re in your “office.”

For you, going to the bathroom is no big deal. And you going shouldn’t be for anyone else either. 

You don’t mind public restrooms – in fact, you sort of like the energy they bring to the act.

When you’re on the toilet, you consider yourself a bit of a performance artist.

As always, your mileage may vary. And so via natural progression to the celebrity gossip links for today.
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The Julian Assange Action Figure

Julian Assange Action Figure

Julian Assange Action Figure

Fangirl alert: Julian Assange IN AN INDIANA JONES OUTFIT!!!

I’ll wait while you pick yourself up off the floor.

And go wash your hands.

For extra-serious fangirlism, for $60 you can buy just the head and attach it to “your own 12 inch action figurine”. Or whatever you may have handy.

I’d be the filling in a Steve Jobs/Jeff Goldblum sandwich (Lolebrity)

The Lord of the Kingdom of the Undead does not approve of this floozy (Ayyyy)

Roundup of news from Japan (raincoaster)

Matthew McConaughey is turning into a greyhound before our eyes (AgentBedhead)

Joan Jett is better than RedBull (BusyBeeBlogger)

Olivia Wilde thinks she can upgrade from an Italian prince (CelebDirtyLaundry)

She looks like Crispin Glover in an Edith Prickley costume (CelebritySmack)

Lindsay Lohan will stop at nothing (CelebrityVIPLounge)

Charlie Sheen, Celebrity Chef? (DailyStab)

Disney is REALLY scraping the bottom of the barrel (EarSucker)

They may be immortal, but they’re still not taking any chances (FitFabCeleb)

Scary clownceleb faces (GirlsTalkinSmack)

Celebrities care! Or at least fake it plausibly! (HaveUHeard)

The latest in celebrity injustices (HollywoodHiccups)

Tony Dunzo (INeedMyFix)

Justin Timberlake has a new plus one (MathewGuiver)

Martha Stewart is a surrogramma (TheSkinny)

 

 

James Bond supports International Women’s Day

 

Blond Bond done good

Blond Bond cleans up well

Yay, I finally found a reason to like Blond Bond. This little video is aweome.

Finally, some relief from the tsunami of tsheen this week.

Liveblogging morphine (raincoaster)

Charlie Sheen in the New Yorker (Lolebrity)

State of Grace (Ayyyy)

Mush! Mush! (ManoloFood)

Universal Studios > Cthulhu??? (AgentBedhead)

Jennifer Aniston’s video is viral the way herpes is (BusyBeeBlogger)

Job opportunity of the year for a gossip blogger (CelebDirtyLaundry)

RIP OD (CelebritySmack)

REM RT (CelebrityVIPLounge)

WINNING! photoshops (CityRag)

SO FAR, Demi. So far… (DailyStab)

Adele is pro-gossip (DippedInCream)

Everybody but me has a book deal and a sex tape (EarSucker)

Three planets that size make a solar plexus system (FitFabCeleb)

Remember Lily Allen? (GirlsTalkinSmack)

One gets Africa, one gets New York? (HaveUHeard)

Aw man, don’t bling that thing! (HollywoodHiccups)

They have country music in Belgium? (INeedMyFix)

Roseanne Barr and Charlie Sheen? (MathewGuiver)

KFed/FedX Xpands (PoorBritney)

“Country Music’s newest star” (PopBytes)

TURBAN SIGHTING!!! (TheSkinny)

Bikini baby bump (TheSkinnyChic)

 

Oh, Charlie!

What Have We Learned, Charlie Brown?

Image via Wikipedia

How do you solve a problem like Charlie Sheen? You can’t, because he’s so epically winning, right? BOOM! But you can try to come a bit closer to understanding him if you run him through a few filters first; it’s like watching an eclipse. The sheer awesomenosity could blind you if you didn’t apply some filters. So here is Jimmy Kimmel‘s interpretation of the Sheen interview, with visuals starring that other Charlie.

Brown.

via CelebratingTheAbsurd

And since this post has already been user-tested for celebrity gossip addict appeal, here are your gossip links for Wednesday:

Baby on Board (raincoaster)

Nicole Kidman could use a sammich (Lolebrity)

London Fashion Week is for the birds (Ayyyy)

I scream! (ManoloFood)

He should fit right in with Lindsay and Gadaffi (AgentBedhead)

Charlie Sheen too busy winning to retain custody of his kids (BusyBeeBlogger)

Justin Bieber sells out to rich witch doctor? (CelebDirtyLaundry)

A simple summit with Lady Gaga (CelebritySmack)

Robert Pattinson cheats on Tai (CelebVIPLounge)

Babies: totally Team Coco (CityRag)

Katie “Sue” Holmes (DailyStab)

Kim Kardashian, Saviour of Autotune (Earsucker)

Save Oprah! (FitFabCeleb)

Another sign Russia is in desperate straights (GirlsTalkinSmack)

Oh man, the ski lobby hates celebrities (HaveUHeard)

ScarJo publicly toejobs Sean Penn (INeedMyFix)

Oh Em Jee, the Oscars are about to get awesome (MathewGuiver)

Britney’s V shots (PoorBritney)

Sad Mugshot Xtina is sad (PopBytes)

Amanda Seyfried’s magically transforming Doc Martens (TheSkinny)

Five Angels, only two backsides among them (TheSkinnyChic)

 

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