RIP Week, TGIF!

Ashes to Ashes, Beer to Pee

Ashes to Ashes, Beer to Pee

This week is over. Let’s raise a glass of … frankly, anything handy; I’m not fussy… to that!

And now, your Friday gossip link roundup:

Happy Canadian Thanksgiving! (raincoaster)
Friday Caption Contest: Shadow of a Superstar (Ayyyy)
Katherine Heigl gets the new Colonic Facial (CelebrityBeehive)
Herman. Pee-Wee Herman. (Lolebrity)
Fresh, free-range Hamm (Gawker)
War Dog of the Week (Warning: sappy) (ForeignPolicy)
That’s no lady! (AgentBedhead)
Two minutes and thirty-nine seconds with James Franco (AmyGrindhouse)
Dolph Lundgren is just asking for it (BusyBeeBlogger)
Dora the Explorer on the rocks (CeleBitchy)
Lindsay Lohan is not such a twit anymore (CelebDirtyLaundry)
Kim Kardashian’s snack tray holds a drink (CelebritySmack)
Britney weaned the kids off Cosmos (CityRag)
Cojo vs Ronald McDonald (CojoStyle)
Amy Winehouse crashes a lap (CrazyDaysAndNights)
Wino has “something” up her nose (INeedMyFix)
I SAID, Pull up yo damn pants! (Crunk&Disorderly)
Awww, I bet on Aeschylus (DailyStab)
Sienna Miller loves dressing up in Grandma’s outfits (DListed)
Is Renee Zellweger Bridget Jones or Jennifer Aniston? (EvilBeet)
Gooooood morning, Republicans! (HaveUHeard)
Snooki is a lobster racist! (IBBB)
80′s cartoon trivia quiz (LitelySalted)
Grover stars in new Old Spice campaign (MovieLine)
Amy Winehouse’s Taxi Driver (PerezHilton)
Weird celebrity fetish news (SeriouslyOMG)
Creepy celebrity dolls (ASL)

Soon, I’ll have enough time to do more than just linkposts! Because if there’s some reason I’m too busy to do them, I will hunt that reason down and I will stab it in the eyeball with a chopstick. I promise.

The Progress Bar Unicorn Chaser

Uniformed Letter Carrier with Child in Mailbag
Image by Smithsonian Institution via Flickr

It’s Wednesday. Is it ever Wednesday. It’s that Wednesday, in fact, when you’re invited to a fabulous cocktail and catering showcase in a swanky hotel and you get there and the staff says Sorry, it’s not in this hotel, it’s in that hotel, and you go to that hotel and wander around, peeping in the ballrooms and concluding (on very little evidence, it must be admitted, except the Board of Trade cards left on one of the tables) that it looks like no balls were had that day, not even those of the cute bellboy, because you were running a bit late and besides, still weren’t entirely convinced you was in the right hotel, and when you ask the staff they say you were worried for good reason because the event is not, in fact, in that hotel, but in still a third one if it’s anywhere, and now you’ve got a 15-minute walk ahead of you in your flowered sandals which are very pretty but definitely more akin to a cheese wire between your toes than one is or should ever become used to, and so you go halfway to the third hotel, decide you’re hungry and your feet hurt, and stop for a #14 with beef and a diet coke.

THAT Wednesday.

That Wednesday when your computer scan renders the system so unstable that you conclude that it, itself, is a threat, and you delete it.

That Wednesday when you’re 48 hours behind on something that isn’t even due yet and you’re already two days late with it.

That Wednesday when the office is full of people having meetings at the back and guys doing construction at the front, and, very definitely, the smell of dairy products gone bad ages ago, perhaps when Elvis was last in the building, and now lying, forgotten, in a dark corner where they are becoming progressively more expensive cheese products by the day.

That Wednesday when, if you open the door to get some fresh air, the crackies chat you up.

That Wednesday when you think THIS would be a good post.

That Wednesday when you fantasize about winning the lottery and opening this:

The Progress Bar, loading in progress

The Progress Bar, loading in progress. I'll take the seat closest the whiskey

Ahhhh, that’s more like it. And so, in the name of progress, we present my inaugural link roundup at the ol’ raincoaster blog, a new tradition which is destined to continue at least until Google has seen the error of its ways and reversed The Soundtrack for Losers Situation. Yes, this is what I get paid for, three times a week.

Mean Disney Girls just a bunch of drama queens (raincoaster)
The Beatles, Captured! (Lolebrity)
Rihanna is disoriented, hideous (Ayyyy)
Reznorvision coming soon to your screens? (AgentBedhead)
The Face of Kotex! (BusyBeeBlogger)
Some people will do ANYTHING to impress Sandra Bullock’s castoffs (CeleBitchy)
Spot the cyborgs among us! (CelebrityCosmeticSurgery)
Violent repeat felon seeks custodianship of Lindsay Lohan (CelebDirtyLaundry)
Michael Bolton, it is FAR too late for respect! (CelebritySmack)
Gaga a Go-Go (CityRag)
Naomi Campbell’s feet are HUGE (CojoStyle)
Yes, everyone but me DOES have a book deal (DailyStab)
Macaroni Rascals (DListed)
A foursome isn’t just for golfing and bridge? (EvilBeet)
Sly, stylin’ (GabbyBabble)
Brigitte Nielson is looking younger (GoFugYourself)
Get your Bieber Babies! (HaveUHeard)
Michael Bolton is the Rodney Dangerfield of show pony has-beens (INeedMyFix)
Catching up with Bristol Palin’s favorite show (IBBB)
Oh holy Jeebus, even Hilary Duff has a book deal (JustJared)
This will be some actress’s lowest career point (MovieLine)
Baby Buble (PerezHilton)
B from the block (PinkIsTheNewBlog)
Backney! (PoorBritney)
The Mysteries of Minnelli (PopBytes)
Jon’s got a Ham in his pants (SeriouslyOMG)

And special bonus links:

What we have here is a failure to communicate: Comments vs no comments; the eternal argument

Bukowski: the worst hangover: (warning, this is NSF Peace of Mind)

Harry Potter and the Homework of Vengeance: A GOOD story about spammers

And I’m selling this link service, so if you run a gossip blog, jump on this bandwagon now by leaving me a comment. When I have five subscribing blogs, the price will go up. That’s what you call high-pressure tactics. I read it on JohnChow.com. And now, if you’ll excuse me, I have a date with an imaginary bartender.

Operation Global Media Domination: the Cocktail Situation

As someone who knows me (all too) well said, now I will be utterly impossible to live with: It will totally go to my head (or at least two or three of them will):

So there you have it: not only did Social Media Club Vancouver have a totally successful Meet the Geek dinner tonight (superthanks to Melody Fury of Vancouver Food Tour) but Operation Global Media Domination got the ultimate accolade: a tribute in booze and nomenclature. Can there be any higher? I think not! And not just because I’ve been drinking!

So, there you have it: a raincoaster cocktail is:

1 oz Gin (Hendricks, Plymouth, Broker’s, Old Raj, Beefeater)

0.5 oz Lillet Blanc

0.5 oz Cointreau

0.5 oz Fresh Lemon Juice

barspoon of Absinthe

stir, strain, add lemon zest (and Jay Jones always adds a great wide swath; none of your chintzy ribbons for him!).

Then, if you’re like me, you show it off to everyone at the bar and offer them sips of “your” cocktail and then before you or anyone who didn’t yet get a sip knows it, you’re staring into the bottom of your beautiful, vintage cocktail glass with the chipped gold rim, and there’s nothing down there but lemon zest and the dregs of regret. Ah, socialism! Perhaps I should cultivate a fondness for vodka instead?

Dorothy Parker, who really looks more Doloresy here

Dorothy Parker, who really looks more Doloresy here

Dry Spell

Those of you who have been following the ol’ raincoaster blog for some time will know that I’ve been on a largely raw vegan die(t) for three months now, with the result that I’ve gone from an XL to an L and no, it was NOT worth it.

It was most particularly not worth it because I had to give up my beloved cocktails; in fact, I believe I only consumed alcohol one day in the month of July and that was my birthday. In August I gave myself a few more “days off” and enjoyed some wine, but it must be said that in this, as in most things in life, Dean Martin had it right.

Dino is my hero

Listen to Dino; he KNOWS!

“I’d hate to be a teetotaler. Imagine getting up in the morning and knowing that’s as good as you’re going to feel all day.”

Well, exactly.

So, how does it feel to be a neo-teetotaler in Lotus Land, when one knows all the best bartenders and they all know it’s a Negroni, up, when you walk in the door unless it’s cold outside and then it’s probably Jack Daniels or if it’s been a very bad day, Champagne? Well, it doesn’t feel good. Have you ever been the only sober person at a blowout? That’s right: it feels like a bad dream. It feels, in fact, just as depicted in this incredible documentary, 28 Drinks Later.

And, lest we forget, here are some words of wisdom from Diogenes:

“What I like to drink most is wine that belongs to others.”

Quiz: Which Celebrity Drunk Are You?

Well, I don’t know which you are, but I’m apparently a closeted lesbian cutter:


Find out what drunk celebrity you are at LiquidGeneration!

Is very weird and possibly even incorrect, as all my friends tell me that when I get drunk I actually get friendlier. The one time someone slipped me Roofies I went up and down the halls of my apartment building, knocking on doors and introducing myself with “it’s high time we said hi!” God, it was hilarious. Or so they tell me.