Snooki is the Rocking Horse Loser
What do you get when you take two actors currently starring in The Importance of Being Earnest and give them transcripts from the Jersey Shore and instructions to stay in character?
This:
via EmilyGracey
and part two:
Really? With TAMPONS???
and part three:
and part four:
Seriously, what IS it about grilled cheese that makes people like this?
and five:
You’re welcome.
Emma Watson and Cameron Adams/Hermione Granger and Himmione Grainghim
via Gawker
This right here? This is the streams crossing. This is the polarity reversing back on itself and swallowing its own tail. This, my friends and stalkers, is the moment for which the celebrity-internet culture was made. Even if it did mortify one of them into deleting his Twitter account (after tweeting a no-doubt-heartfelt “Awkward!“).
This is a picture of fresh-faced ingenue Emma Watson and her perky gay pornalike, Cameron Adams, who played Himmione Grainghim in the extremely NSFchirruns Whorry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Balls.
SFW no, but amusing, yes. Yes, yes, YES!
From commenter JamesFromCambridge comes this positively magical trailer.
And I’m spent! If you’re not, toddle over to that comments section on Gawker for the biggest damn roundup of filthy Potter puns this side of Repressed Housewife Fanficdom!
Or you could just click past the jump and read some more gossip, if you’ve got the endurance! Once more into the breeches!
Ia! Ia! Baby work it! Insanely fabulous!
First things first: who knew the frozen tundra was absofuckingloutely roasting in the summertime? I guess 24 hours of sunlight and no clouds, ever, will do that to you.
The remedy? BOOZE POPS! I’m wondering what kind of rum I can get at the liquor store to mix into these, because the freezer I’ve got can turn a bottle of lukewarm coke into a coke slurpee in about 15 minutes.
Everybody dance now!
via Brosnakes
Yeah, okay. Maybe just that one guy dance, and everybody else watch him. And here I thought hipsters couldn’t move in those skinny pants! The fact that he performs this (and you really have to give it more than 30 seconds) in what looks like the setting for the world’s seediest amateur porn only makes the whole thing more fabulous.
Now that we’ve set the mood, the guests have started to arrive. The occasion, in case you’re wondering: a joint party (no puns, I hate smelly, dull people who mumble nonstop about pizza) for the birthdays of Julian Assange and myself. And look: everyone’s sitting down to dinner.
Happy Birthday, Mister President of Wikileaks
Who else was there? Oh, all the top celebrities. And what did they talk about? Each other, of course. And if you click over the jump to the celebrity gossip roundup, you’ll be able to read the whole thing.
Oft and oft have I been asked the purpose of that oblique, self-referential sphere of the interwebs known as Tumblr. And as oft as I have been asked, I have either answered or have asked for cash dollars upfront. But here, ladies and gentlemen and the undecided, here at last is the justification for tumblr, laid out as plainly as the schnozz on your pan. This, my friends, cannot be topped, not even by Jake Gyllenhaal on a late and sloppy Friday night.
If you got a letter saying you were accepted at Hogwarts:
You’d look up from whatever you were doing like:
You would then spend the next couple of days like:
You would then go to diagon alley and you’d be all like:
You’d go from shop to shop like:
Then, on september 1st you’d run through the barrier on platform 9 3/4 like:
You’d meet people on the hogwarts express like:
You would realise they’re just like you and you’d be all like:
Then you would jam for the rest of the year like:
THIS post right here? This is what Tumblr was invented for.
Well, I dunno about you. I only know about me. I’m solipsistic that way. But if I were John Cusack, I probably wouldn’t record anything as sweet and hipstery-dweebish as this song.
If I Were John Cusack, by Dr Pants and sorry about the All Caps: obviously the lyrics decoder was just trying to give it a bit of hip-hop energy or something.
IF I WERE JOHN CUSACK
I DON’T KNOW WHAT IT’D BE LIKE
CUZ I DON’T KNOW MUCH ABOUT HIM
I ONLY KNOW THE CHARACTERS HE’S PLAYED
IF I WERE JOHN CUSACK
THE CHICKS MIGHT DIG ME MORE
BUT IT DOESN’T REALLY MATTER
CUZ I’M ALREADY MARRIED ANYWAY
BUT IN TRIBUTE TO JOHN, I JUST WANNA SING
LANE MEYER AND LLOYD DOBLER
MARTIN BLANK AND ROB GORDON
IF I WERE JOHN CUSACK
I’D MAKE HIGH FIDELITY 2
AND I’D MAKE IT TOTALLY AWESOME
IT WOULD BE THE GREATEST MOVIE EVER MADE
IF I WERE JOHN CUSACK
I’D STAY AWAY FROM ACTION FILMS
CUZ I WOULD KNOW THE TRUTH
ABOUT HOW IS AMPLE GENIUS IS BEST SERVED
AND IN TRIBUTE TO JOHN, I WILL ALWAYS SING
LANE MEYER AND LLOYD DOBLER
MARTIN BLANK AND ROB GORDON
JOHN, MY FRIEND, YOU’VE HELPED ME THROUGH A LOT
SO IF I WERE YOU, I’D SHAKE MY OWN HAND
CUZ WHEN MOVIES START TO SUCK, AND THERE’S NOT A GOOD FILM TO BE FOUND
YOU’RE ALWAYS THERE, READY TO TAKE A STAND
John Cusack stars in Quoth Anything
raincoaster 