Feast your eyes upon perhaps the greatest fucking goddam motivational sales video in the fucking history of the goddam fucking internets, brought to you by Defamer.
Seriously, I’m thinking that Arthur Miller scripted it and it’s some rough cut of an unreleased “Death of a Winnebago Salesman” project. Wikipedia begs for the update…
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Okay, so it’s a foreign country. Am I about to pass up a day dedicated to appreciation of the salami, just because it’s only declared south of the 49th parallel? Hardly; you just know that, as with all other trends, it’ll be in Vancouver in 26 months anyway.
So word reaches us at the ol’ raincoaster blog, via cafe cj, that September 7th is, in fact and in actuality, National Salami Appreciation Day. And lo, this is verily exactly the kind of holiday we here can get behind or even in front of, if asked nicely, for in truth we appreciate the salami to no small degree.
What’s your favorite way to celebrate National Salami Appreciation Day? Cafe CJ suggests a number of wholesome activities, although I must confess to a weakness for playing Hide the Salami. You?
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I’m late on this, but I’m sure you’ll understand it took me some time to work through my feelings. Pavarotti was a greatly talented man, and perhaps the highest iteration of a particular type, ie the man possessed of immortal talent who doesn’t mind trotting it out at his Mom’s every damn Sunday dinner, or singing at a friend’s birthday party, or showing up for any benefit concert that will have him, provided they lay on the pasta spread.
And I love people like that. To the other, equally talented individuals who hoard their gifts as if they are MRE’s in the face of Katrina, we say: can I buy you an enema, darling?
Luciano Pavarotti, perhaps the greatest opera singer of the 20th Century, and disco diva/supermodel Grace Jones, at a benefit for Angola.
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Is this the right place to pass along the information that Angelina Jolie‘s pickup line used to be “five bucks if you can guess what’s real”?
Yes, yes it is.
In related news, the OSI, a branch of the CIA has released a statement via Funnimetrics indicating that, if you wait for the next 30% off sale at Future Shop or something and use all the rebate coupons that have been gathering dust on top of the tv, you can live every Seventies’ adolescent male’s dream and build your own bionic woman, FOR FREE!
For realz.
With the decreasing price of computer equipment and electronics in general, the parts for a bionic person, at one time a prohibitive six million dollars, now costs less that three hundred dollars. During sale weekends at Fry‘s electronics, the OSI claims it can lower that price to zero, or free (sales tax not included). The new motto for the bionic woman project will be, “better…stronger…faster…and cheaper…”
“I remember we had to buy this big Betamax VCR to observe Jamie and Austin’s training. That thing cost thousands…” said retired OSI head of bionic projects, Oscar Goldman.
The government study cost seven million dollars.
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Stolen from The Virtual Roadside, via the Generator Blog, and truly random in that fewer than half of the results are actually fortunes. I did get “you will have a fight with your supervisor” but given the fact that I am completely unsupervised, it fades towards meaninglessness…as does everything, really.
But it’s okay. I’ve still got my poetry.
A doctor, an architect, and a computer scientist were arguing about
whose profession was the oldest. In the course of their arguments, they
got all the way back to the Garden of Eden, whereupon the doctor said, “The
medical profession is clearly the oldest, because Eve was made from Adam’s
rib, as the story goes, and that was a simply incredible surgical feat.”
The architect did not agree. He said, “But if you look at the Garden
itself, in the beginning there was chaos and void, and out of that the Garden
and the world were created. So God must have been an architect.”
The computer scientist, who’d listened carefully to all of this, then
commented, “Yes, but where do you think the chaos came from?”
raincoaster 