Pussy tips from Fox: picking the perfect playmate for your cat house

Catwoman relaxing with her humans

Cat houses are notoriously hard to manage and staff. While we’ve all made impulsive choices at one time or another, some decisions are far too important to be left to the whims of the moment. Certainly at the time it seems right. It seems natural. It seems good.

But the next morning, when there are another’s hairs in the sink and breath in our faces, we must ask ourselves: did we really make the right choice?

Fortunately, the ever-dependable Fox News has stepped into the breach and collected a list of tips for picking the perfect pussy. Never again will you face morning-after remorse!

[they] can be a wonderful addition to any household. But many novice — —-rs assume this “pet” will be an aloof alternative to a —, which is far from the truth. While they can stay indoors and do not have the exercise requirements of —s, —s do require attention and stimulation…

Although —s are usually thought of as a low-maintenance ——, they still need play time and care. —s may not need to be taken out for a walk, but that does not mean they do not require a serious commitment.

No matter whether it is a ———– ——– — or Russian —-, the decision to buy a — should be a decision made by every single person in the household…

Baby ——s, especially a wide-eyed ——, can be almost impossible to pass up. Anyone looking for a —— should consider that it is a tiny bundle of energy, very different from the composed demeanor of many adult —-.

“… they tend to be active from 3 to 6 a.m.,” Buchwald said. “It takes a lot of care. We often say, if you don’t feel like being awakened in the middle of the night, then maybe opt for an adult…” [anyone with a teenager would agree]

All ——-s are natural scratchers, according to Tartaglia, so it is important to provide natural surfaces … so ——– behavior does not turn destructive.

For people looking for a specific —, they might want to consider a breeder

And so on. That’s Fox: Not Afraid to Be Servicey.

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Nyotaimori and Nantaimori: eating Japanese

Tuna of the world

So to speak.

Word has come to our shell-like ears of a most delightfully esoteric Japanese custom; indeed, in a land where it sometimes seems as if all the customs are simultaneously bizarre, sexual, and ridiculous, this still stands out as remarkable, largely because it is one of the few that is not only bizarre, sexual and ridiculous, but it’s also low-calorie, tasty and satisfying and no, you’re not horny an hour later.

That would be the well-known “Chinese smorgasbord ritual.”

So what are the twin practices of Nyotaimori and Nantaimori? Nothing more nor less than the practices of eating sushi or sashimi off a naked woman or man, respectively. And we are most respective of our naked sushi bringers around these parts.

These parts in particular… *points*…

What fascinates me are the detailed instructions for preparation of the presentation service. Oh, I agree, proper attention to the plating aesthetics is so, so important.

Before becoming a living sushi platter, the person is trained to lie down for hours without moving. She or he must also be able to withstand the prolonged exposure to the cold food. Body hair, including pubic hair, would also be shaved as a display of pubic hair may be seen as a sexual act. [ed note: oh, perish the thought!]

Before service, the individual would take a bath using a special fragrance-free soap and then finish off with a splash of cold water to cool the body down somewhat for the sushi.

In some parts of the world, in order to comply with sanitation laws, there must be a layer of plastic or other material between the sushi and the body of the woman or man.

Ah, but that’s an entirely different Wikipedia entry, I’m sure…

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Daniel Radcliffe and the Tongue of Many Talents

Daniel Radcliffe’s tongueHonestly, it’s no wonder the boy’s so popular!

From Agent Bedhead:

Daniel proves beyond the shadow of a doubt that his talents go well beyond acting.

The Harry Potter star can also do what he calls “disgusting things with my tongue.”

Just incidentally, I think it’s safe to say that between his fame, his money, and that tongue, Daniel will never, ever lack for a date.

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beavers fondled, sniffed, petted by Wetmore woman

Beaver kissing

This story has it all!

Yes, it has hairy, wet beavers, petting, scratching, groping, sniffing, jail barbers, restraints, cages, and even a bit of wrestling.

“I love that smell. Don’t you just love it? Nothing smells better to me,” says Sherri Tippie, inhaling deeply. “I was born for beavers…we’ve spent too long working against Nature…”

Truly an enlightened perspective. Part-time she trims hair in prisons, full-time she gets down and dirty with some wild hairy beavers. Some people might complain about the workload, but Tippie just can’t get enough!

Some, though, are more cautious.

“Properly managed, beavers can be a great thing,” said Eric Adams, executive director of the nonprofit and educational MacGregor Ranch near Estes Park, where Tippie has delivered the animals.

I guess he’s more into restraint.

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the freakiest story I’m too tired to post

Manta Ray

Seriously weird. Seriously, seriously freaky. Probably fake. “The one that got away” takes on new meaning in this tale of lost loves at sea

Via (where else would you expect?) the Guardian’s Political Diary.

“Almost everybody in the fishing business has had sex with a manta at some point,” Makeburu asserts.

What!!! A manta??? You mean one of those enormous, intimidating winged things with a stinger on their tail that looks like an aquatic Batman?

Yep. After all, fisherman out on ships spend a loooonggg time at sea without ever encountering a woman, and, well, let’s face it, they can get pretty horny. No, dammit, let’s make that incredibly horny. Even desperate enough to do it with a manta. Right?

“Nah,” shrugs Makeburu. “Coastal fishermen poke them too.”

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