The sad tale of Harry Potter‘s pathetic adulthood of relentless, asexual underachievement. From the television series spun off from the movie based on the top-secret Eighth Harry Potter Book!!!! Oh, my life’s not worth a plugged nickel after releasing this to the public: that agent is going to kill me! Still, something about it is vaguely familiar.
stolen from Defamer
Sorry about the laugh track; it was the Seventies!
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It’s a long story.
First of all, the zombie hamsters were created by rigging up surplus military material to nuke them back to life after they were frozen solid by the Mad Scientists of Mill Hill.
No, I am not making this up.
Second of all, the scientist in charge of hamster zombification was James Lovelock, who later originated the Gaia Hypothesis, for which he is alternately vilified and deified by the Global Warming is an Apocalypse/Global Warming is a Hoax crowd, depending on how literal-minded the reader happens to be at that particular moment.
Third, the Gaia Hypothesis itself was named by the man who wrote Lord of the Flies. Which gives one pause, especially if one is a happy hippie kumbaya life-in-harmony type. Maybe the “Red in Tooth and Claw Hypothesis” was taken?
Fourth, to obtain the components for the hamster zombification machine, Lovelock had to delve deeply into the Red Light district of London, an area whose denizens, it is claimed, held no charms for him. That’s our boy! I’m sure those spinster novelists who were responsible for the creation of the archetype of respectable “confirmed bachelor” would be proud of him.
Actually (fifth!), microwaving the hamsters was an improvement over what they were doing before, which was putting heated spoons on their chests until their hearts restarted. Was one of those Mill Hillers a freebaser, perchance?
In any case (sixth!), it’s a long, strange journey from reanimating cryorodents to inventing the Grand Unified Theory of Planet Earth. But once you realize that the central question is: what is life, the flight plan makes more sense.
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Not much going on visually in this vid, but then if you’re really getting into the spirit of the thing what would you care/how would you know, because of course you’d be headbanging yourself and unable to focus, let alone read. It’s neither Metallica nor Megadeth, it’s some band you never heard of; their lead singer sounds like Elmer Fudd, so is it any wonder you’ve never heard of them? He’s Ozzy Fudd, Mark McCollum, if you must know.
From the Department of Useless Trivia, which is, naturellement, the most crucial department in the whole of raincoasterbloglandia, comes the stunning news that the great Loony Tune known as “What’s Opera, Doc” is fifty ears years old this week.
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Lyrics over the jump: Continue reading
Now, I could be wrong but I don’t believe I’ve explained how I came to be in possession of an Indonesian vampire carved out of human bone.
Stop me if you’ve heard this one…
So, I was touring the hidden souvenir shop with the CIA agent, and I found a wee statue of an Indonesian vampire, and lo, those are not something that are common, even among Indonesiacs, and so I not unnaturally was curious, all the old Gothisms rising up in me and saying quite clearly “Edgar Alan Poe would be so totally jealous of you if you owned this” and I flipped it over and there was the price, 1500, or about three bucks. And I said to the enormous nun, “what kind of bone is this,” a not unnatural question, given that it was in fact carven of bone rather than casten of concrete or such, and lo did she answer, quite offhandedly, too, “Oh, I think it’s human” which really went well with her whole “the archbishop went to visit the headhunters. Oh, they’re so well mannered. They’d never do it IN FRONT OF HIM…” etc. This was the Stainless Steel Nun.
And it is a fact universally acknowledged that an old Goth in possession of three bucks must be in want of a carven representative of the spirit of a vengeful, unquenchable female spirit.
So that’s the story.
raincoaster 