China’s Secret WMD Program Revealed!

Just when you thought they’d settled for poisoning your children.

But Nooooooooooo. The Yellow Peril, lurking all this time behind a mask of bland inscrutability and blind greed, has been quietly working since the collapse of the Cold War. Working on a project so secret that even the vast armies of workers working on it don’t know what it is they’re working on. Indeed: so secret they don’t even actually know they’re working at all.

It’s a secret, see? Quality control is so important.

I worry if whoever thought up the term ‘quality control’ thought that
if we didn’t control it, it would get out of hand.
Lily Tomlin

But what have they actually been working on? Oh, we’re glad you asked. For we right here at the ol’ raincoaster blog have got the world exclusive. Yes, we alone know exactly what mighty machine of destruction has been stealthily constructed, right under the very noses of the foreign Olympic-hunting paparazzi. Nothing less than the largest weapon of mass destruction since Britney’s appearance at the VMA’s. Nothing less than the Doomsday Machine Itself.

The Great Beijing National Bomb

Beijing, China: Workmen clean the roof of the National Grand Theatre
Photograph: Adrian Bradshaw/EPA

Oh, how clever these Chinese are. They think we can be taken in by a simple line drawn in Photoshop and a two-bit reflection filter on a photograph that had to pass through vigilant bureaucratic censors. They think we really believe this to be a simple photograph of workers on top of a rounded building, a concert hall, a theatre perhaps. HA! But if you have the skill to remove the slave-created, primitive layers of deception all is revealed after the jump.

A click here, a click there, and voilà! The naked truth is revealed:

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Continue reading

quiz: how much are you worth in bed?

Apparently the average is only $225.82 per hour. Strangely, this is quite a lot more than most of the prostitutes I know earn, but then I do live here.

bedroom toys

Stolen from Stiletto

Hmmm, looks to be quite a lot more lucrative than mommyblogging. Being an agoraphobic, chubby, monitor-tanned old Goth must be more enticing than I’d ever imagined!

I ask, not for the first nor the last time, Does anyone have Steve Jobs‘s number handy?

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raincoasterrolled


via Valleywag and cross-posted to TeenyManolo

So that’s twice in my life. I think that’s a respectably low number of times, and I still owe AA for the first one. That’s not Alcoholics Anonymous (where would *I* ever encounter such people?) it’s Aquarian Angel. As with many of my good friends, I don’t know her actual name; well, I know 50% of it, but I also know she’s both extremely closety about her online life and armed with a shotgun she calls “Betsy.” Why do they always give them girl’s names? Is it like hurricanes or something, where you just look at it and know it’s a “Louisette” or “Martha” or something?

Where was I? Oh, yes: on painkillers.

Mention should be made (today I was out at a client’s, teaching them all about blogging and you just KNOW that mention was made of avoiding the passive voice) of the fact that today my fine heinie is featured over at the Grassy Knoll Institute. Where he got the photo I have no idea, but what can I say? After the winter we’ve had, the tramp stamp needed to be let out for some fresh air.

And this concludes our coverage of April 1, 2008.

YouTube and Vancouver Film School Scholarship Contest

VFS and YouTube have just announced an international scholarship competition that should knock Chris Crocker off the front page and into the obscurity which has hungered for him ever since the Leave Britney Alone fifteen minutes started.

The prize is a full tuition scholarship to internationally-respected Vancouver Film School, the school out of which Kevin Smith dropped to go on to produce the magnum opus, the veritable Big Chill of his generation, Clerks. Like I ever saw that.

I’m old, yo.

Anyhoo. The challenge is to make a compelling YouTube pitch explaining just exactly why you’re the natural choice to win. Anyone with enough self-confidence to go into film should have no problem with this part. The school picks the finalists, and then the viewers on YouTube make the final choice.

Official Rules

Full Press Release (PDF)

A few more details, from the FAQ:

This competition is about making film school accessible to everyone. The YouTube community will award three aspiring artists (that includes directors, animators, actors, sound designers and more) with full-tuition scholarships to the Vancouver Film School program of their choice.

Between March 18th and May 9th, submit a short film, animation or creative pitch addressing the theme “What Matters to You.” You must start your video by identifying the VFS program you wish to attend and you must limit your video to no more than three minutes. On May 20th, we will announce the 10 finalists, selected by Vancouver Film School.

From May 20th to May 27th, the YouTube community will view and vote for their favorite videos.

On May 30th, we will announce the 3 scholarship winners.

What programs are up for scholarship awards?

1. Foundation Visual Art & Design
2. Acting Essentials
3. 3D Animation & Visual Effects
4. Classical Animation
5. Digital Character Animation
6. Houdini™ Certification
7. Acting for Film & Television
8. Digital Design
9. Entertainment Business Management
10. Film Production
11. Game Design
12. Makeup Design for Film & Television
13. Sound Design for Visual Media
14. Writing for Film & Television

Some handy tips:

Be creative. Don’t just tell us what’s important to you – show us. For example, if you’re a director, make a short film or documentary about an issue you care about. If you’re an animator, animate a story about an issue, person, place, etc. that matters to you. If you’re a writer, pitch a fresh screenplay concept about something that matters to you. If you’re a makeup artist, transform a stranger into someone who matters to you. These are just ideas and we know you can do better, but the point is: think creatively!

What gets into the shortlist?

Vancouver Film School will judge submissions based on the following criteria:

a. Creativity and Originality (up to 25 points)
b. Relevance of the video to the particular program of study selected (up to 25 points)
c. Technical Execution: Camera/Sound/Lighting/Editing (up to 25 points)
d. Overall Impression (up to 25 points)

And after that, it’s all up to the community on YouTube, so start sucking up building relationships now!

Celebrity Sex Faces

More from the twisted genius which is DC Lugi. Nice to see Edith Bunker getting some, eh? The only real question is, which of these is Christopher Walken and which is his mother?

I might do a list, except I haven’t had tv for a decade, so I don’t know how half these people are.
Want to give me a hand in the comments section?

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