Category Archives: government

Assange Analyzed!

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Wikileaks

Yes, yes, I know. We’re two for two here on the ol’ raincoaster blog with the Julian Assange posts, but I’m on a roll and it’s my blog, so you have little to no choice, so just go with it. If you’ve come for celebrity news, I’m going to have to direct you to Lolebrity.net and Ayyyy.com for your fix for the next couple of weeks, as I’m currently in the middle of a panic attack about moving to the frozen tundra and transforming into icecoaster, and that seems to bring out the Julian Assange fangirl in me, for whatever reason God only knows, and if he does I hope he’ll do me the kindness of keeping it to himself.

So, where was I? About to introduce you to this very interesting little bit of analysis from Van in the comments on a post on the JulianAssangeFancier’sGuild tumblr, and better proof all Tumblrs should have comments sections built in, you will not find. And why not? Because you probably weren’t looking for it in the first place, and even now you’re too lazy, ya bum. So that’s why.

Julian Assange’s handwriting (sample size: three words, you’ll note) analyzed:

Publish or Perish Julian Assange or you could just continue to get book deals and ghost writers

Publish or Perish Julian Assange or you could just continue to get book deals and ghost writers

1.  he doesn’t follow rules (letters are not straight and aligned)
2.  but he knows what he wants  (underlining)
3.  he doesn’t always complete things  (letters p and b are not closed)
4.  he’s confident and also careless ( how he dots his i’s)
5.  he’s not patient ( looking at the first letter h)
6.  at times he likes to be private ( looking at letters 4-6 in first word, it’s
close together unlike the other words)
7.  He’s likes children and enjoys playing with them (looking at 2nd word,
it’s written in a child-like way)
8.  He’s strict, does not bend or compromise (looking at the word (“or”)
9.  He’s a dreamer (handwriting slopes upwards)
10.  He’s unusual, different ( looking at letters u and b)
11.  He changes (looking at letters i, s and p)
12.  He’s not romantic (can’t pick up anything….I could be wrong)
nb:  …….these are just guesses……….hope he doesn’t get mad:)

Hmmm. Handwriting analysis: harmless fangirling Ouija board substitute, or dangerous intelligence? Having watched a world-class expert at work once (he worked with the police on the Paul Bernardo/Karla Homolka case, among others) I would say it’s probably more accurate than you’d expect, but less accurate than you can count on. Still, you can say one thing for it unequivocally: it gave me blog fodder when I needed it!

Anon and On

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Anonymous vs the Police which is not exactly a new thing

Anonymous vs the Police which is not exactly a new thing

Dear Nonymite: you do realize you’re flipping off the photographer, not the cops, right? Jesus, EVERYONE hates the paparazzi!

Compare and contrast to our earlier Nony in London:

Work it, V!

Work it, V!

This is a democracy! VOTE, DAMMIT!!!

Whichever you prefer, the mere existence of Anonymous reminds us that the present moment, yes, this exact moment, is one that has never come before, and will never exist again. It won’t be long until existing power structures have either shattered into a new, digital Brownian Motion model of solipsistic yet collaborative civilization OR the fascists have infiltrated and wiped out the free thinkers, resulting in something akin to the Orwellian KleptoReich that Putin’s got going in Russia.

And that, my friends, reminds me of this, from the great prophet Hunter S. Thompson. Think carefully about these words, because for just this particular second of time, they apply again.

“It seems like a lifetime, or at least a Main Era — the kind of peak that never comes again. San Francisco in the middle sixties was a very special time and place to be a part of. Maybe it meant something. Maybe not, in the long run… but no explanation, no mix of words or music or memories can touch that sense of knowing that you were there and alive in that corner of time and the world. Whatever it meant…

History is hard to know, because of all the hired bullshit, but even without being sure of ‘history’ it seems entirely reasonable to think that every now and then the energy of a whole generation comes to a head in a long fine flash, for reasons that nobody really understands at the time — and which never explain, in retrospect, what actually happened

My central memory of that time seems to hang on one or five or maybe forty nights — or very early mornings — when I left the Fillmore half-crazy and, instead of going home, aimed the big 650 Lightning across the Bay Bridge at a hundred miles an hour… booming through the Treasure Island tunnel at the lights of Oakland and Berkeley and Richmond, not quite sure which turnoff to take when I got to the other end… but being absolutely certain that no matter which way I went I would come to a place where people were just as high and wild as I was: no doubt at all about that…

There was madness in any direction, at any hour. If not across the Bay, then up the Golden Gate or down 101 to Los Altos or La Honda… You could strike sparks anywhere. There was a fantastic universal sense that whatever we were doing was right, that we were winning…

And that, I think, was the handle — that sense of inevitable victory over the forces of Old and Evil. Not in any mean or military sense; we didn’t need that. Our energy would simply PREVAIL. There was no point in fighting — on our side or theirs. We had all the momentum; we were riding the crest of a high and beautiful wave…

So now, less than five years later, you can go up on a steep hill in Las Vegas and look West, and with the right kind of eyes you can almost see the high-water mark — that place where the wave finally broke and rolled back.”

Where will you be when it does?

UPDATED: a couple of hours after I posted this, I found the following video, which claims to lay out the one-year plan of Anonymous. Presenting The Plan:

“While the truncheon may be used in lieu of conversation, words will always retain their power.”

I have a copy of the Manual of Afghani Jihad (the CIA translation) and selections from the Japanese Kamikaze documents, and said back then that if we in the West had any documents as spiritually compelling as those, we would have no alienated teens, no existential crises. It’s literally unthinkable to most people in the affluent nations that their individual lives could actually have meaning; why is this so, when their nations wield the greatest financial and political power on the planet? When they enjoy personal freedoms undreamed-of in most of civilization and throughout history? Why is this, when destitute citizens of the poorest states on Earth change history every day as if it’s their birthright?

And it is.

Could this video and plan from Anonymous actually be That Call, the call to the hearts of the people of the West, for which we have been waiting?

Only you can answer that.

Palin Poetry: The Palinleaks Haikus

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New Shakespalin

New Shakespalin

Many and varied are the treasures of the internet, and the greatest of these may be HaikuFinder. After spending far too much time trying to download and run the damn thing (okay, i got the program…and now I need to install Python? And then I need to hack a workaround into Vista, which won’t run Python? And then I need to disable my virus protection so it can run? and whatever, dudes) I find out there’s a website. Paste in the words aye wallah! Your Haiku: dey are fownd.

So, presumably the Python script etcetera exist so you can Haiku-ify top secret documents without the off-chance that Wikileaks will find your sooper-sekrit poetry stash? Okay then!

In related news, it’s obvious to the most casual observer of the Contemporary Poetry Scene that we are not the first to take a stab at finding the poetry in Palinisms: There was Slate’s fictional Palintry roundup, The Utne Reader’s architectonic analysis of an interview, Prospect Magazine (yes, even in the UK, which reminds me, did you see Mike Tyson at the Oxford Union? Oscar Wilde is spinning like a turbine, I’m telling you), and, of course, a year later the Huffington Post. And this book:

Tap that!

Tap that!

And, of course,William Fucking Shatner.

As you may be aware, the Great State and Future Province of Alaska has recently released all of Sarah Palin’s emails (now, Republicknuts, keep your panties on: they’re redacted) for your reading pleasure, and we at the ol’ raincoaster blog have taken this one step further by running said emails through the HaikuFinder, and here are the results [who, by the way, is this “Tibbles” who gets cc’d in on so much? Her cat?]:

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The Truth About Hillary Clinton!

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Hillary Clinton cannot be captured in photographs!

Hillary Clinton cannot be captured in photographs!

Oh, the lamestream media has gotten their greedy, cover-uppy little claws on this shocking photoevidence and their appallingly tepid attempts to spin are fully steaming ahead. According to the Daily What (part of the shady icanhascheezburger network, and are we really sure Rupert Murdoch doesn’t have his fingers in that pie? Hmmmmm?) this series of pictures shows that cultist Israelites made Hillary Clinton vanish from a photo she was in.

Au contraire, mister cheezburger, au contraire.

What it actually proves is that Secretary of State Hillary Clinton (aka Hillary Rodham, aka Hillary Rodham Clinton) cannot, outside of the carefully controlled environs of the White House PR Department, be photographed. Obviously, the top photo is the original which was mistakenly sent out on the wires, and the below, now-iconic image, is the official White House version, sent out only after artful photoshopping to make the S of S visible on film, which she normally is not.

As for conclusions, there can be only one, and it can come as no surprise to anyone who’s followed this woman’s career over the past two decades.

Hillary Clinton is of the Undead.

They took images of Ye Xiangting with other people. They were stunned when the other people showed up in the computer images, but not Ye. Ye Xiangting seemed to have “disappeared” from the photos. In the end, the staff had to give up.
——————————————————————————————
…Maybe he’s a vampire? vampire

Posted by Jackie  on  Fri Jan 13, 2006  at  01:56 PM

No, Jackie, I don’t think he is.Since he is Chinese, if he was a vampire, he would bounce up and down or across the countryside like a kangaroo. There’s no mention of that in the article.

Logical.

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I for one do NOT welcome our same old Robotic Overlords

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Jack Layton is the Redshirt

Jack Layton is the Redshirt

Once Jack Layton figured out the fundamental problem with his campaign wardrobe, it didn’t take him long to move into Stornoway. Clothing doesn’t make the man, but it DOES make the vote margin, it would seem.

Speaking of superficiality, click over the jump for today’s politically-themed celebrity links. Don’t worry, politics is just showbiz for ugly people, right?

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