Category Archives: humor

and fur wat?

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and now, for a musical interlude…

what did elise ever do fur this?

what did elise ever do fur this?

Which reminds me of the time I lived in a basement apartment, underneath the living room of a woman who was practicing hard for the extremely, extremely, Southern girls you’re not even in it; you don’t have Tiger Mothers, EXTREMELY competitive Miss Chinatown contest.

Every night, she would play the piano; just one piece, over and over, loudly, with an oompah beat and great gusts of ambition, although apparently no past history of experience with the instrument. She practiced this bouncy Germanic tune nightly for about six weeks before my roommate looked up from her book, turned to me with tragic spaniel eyes, and said, “It’s the Moonlight Sonata.”

And so it was.

As if that weren’t soul-killing enough, here are your celebrity gossip links for the day:

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The Importance of Being Guido

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Snooki is the Rocking Horse Loser

Snooki is the Rocking Horse Loser

What do you get when you take two actors currently starring in The Importance of Being Earnest and give them transcripts from the Jersey Shore and instructions to stay in character?

This:

via EmilyGracey

and part two:

Really? With TAMPONS???

and part three:

and part four:

Seriously, what IS it about grilled cheese that makes people like this?

and five:

You’re welcome.

Servicey Sunday!

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Southeast Asian Sea Life: Memorize and BE PREPARED

Southeast Asian Sea Life: Memorize and BE PREPARED

I hope that clears up any confusion about spotting the mimic octopus in the wild. Simply put: you can’t.

If you wonder, on occasion, why this blog is quite so tentactular, think about this; the Mimic Octopus was discovered in 1998 off the coast of Sulawesi. In 1997 I was swimming in the ocean off the coast of Sulawesi and THESE THINGS WERE DOWN THERE, probably looking like other things or like no things at all but they were DOWN THERE THE WHOLE TIME BEING STEALTHY AND WE DIDN’T KNOW IT.

Goddam.

Seriously, this is why I don’t swim anymore. Who needs aliens when we have cephalopods?

When Worlds Collide!!!

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Emma Watson and Cameron Adams/Hermione Granger and Himmione Grainghim

Emma Watson and Cameron Adams/Hermione Granger and Himmione Grainghim

via Gawker

This right here? This is the streams crossing. This is the polarity reversing back on itself and swallowing its own tail. This, my friends and stalkers, is the moment for which the celebrity-internet culture was made. Even if it did mortify one of them into deleting his Twitter account (after tweeting a no-doubt-heartfelt “Awkward!“).

This is a picture of fresh-faced ingenue Emma Watson and her perky gay pornalike, Cameron Adams, who played Himmione Grainghim in the extremely NSFchirruns Whorry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Balls.

SFW no, but amusing, yes. Yes, yes, YES!

From commenter JamesFromCambridge comes this positively magical trailer.

And I’m spent! If you’re not, toddle over to that comments section on Gawker for the biggest damn roundup of filthy Potter puns this side of Repressed Housewife Fanficdom!

Or you could just click past the jump and read some more gossip, if you’ve got the endurance! Once more into the breeches!

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Keep Calm and Ph’nglui mglw’nafh Cthulhu R’lyeh wgah’nagl fhtagn

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Keep Calm and Hail Cthulhu

Keep Calm and Hail Cthulhu

I think this will look very nice painted on the wall of my new place. over and over. in human blood.

The most merciful thing in the world, I think, is the inability of the human mind to correlate all its contents. We live on a placid island of ignorance in the midst of black seas of infinity, and it was not meant that we should voyage far. The sciences, each straining in its own direction, have hitherto harmed us little; but some day the piecing together of dissociated knowledge will open up such terrifying vistas of reality, and of our frightful position therein, that we shall either go mad from the revelation or flee from the deadly light into the peace and safety of a new dark age.

Word up, yo.