“Man is least himself when he talks in his own person. Give him a mask, and he will tell you the truth.”
— Oscar Wilde
Category Archives: Literary
Operation Global Media Domination: Blogworth
We’re all familiar with the term “blogworthy” by now. Wil Wheaton has a t-shirt that says “I’m blogging this” but really, for most of us it goes without saying.
It goes without saying that most of what we experience actually isn’t. Blogworthy, that is. Which is sad, when you come to think of it. Ever read a LiveJournal? With rare exceptions (called “aberrant” statistically speaking) LiveJournal is where things that are not blogworthy go to get, after a fashion, blogged.
eg:
Had to take the kitty to the vet today. Not the big one, the little one. The vet was nice. I can’t stand vet’s offices, they smell so bad LOL!!!1 Mike won’t tell me what he’s planning for our anniversary, but I’m so tired of Tahoe. Why can’t he see that I want to do a yoga retreat in the Northwest Territories. He knows I’d vote Democrat, if he’d ever drive me to the polls, but he always says next time, LOL!!!1 He’s so cute, God is good to me. I’m going to post pix of my latest scrapbooking project l8r!
etc. Ad nauseum.
Anyway.
While there is no objective test for what is, or is not, blogworthy (getting Farked, Boinged, or Gawked aside), there is now a (glitchy, somewhat arbitrary) test for what your blog is worth, thanks to Pingoat.
Now, I really don’t know how this works, on a deep-down level. But it must be admitted that I do not actually care, either. Basically what it does is take your Technorati rank and equate it with a dollar figure. Whether a big blog sale or book deal affects the size of each individual “Technorati Unit” I do not know, although it certainly should, as should a market correction, ie the bottom dropping out of the blog market.
It’s not an estimate of the blog’s value as a whole on the open market; that’s far too subjective, given that the market for blogs is so small. It also doesn’t seem to take into account whether the blog accepts advertising or not. I don’t, some are plastered with ads (and thus make money) but that doesn’t make any difference here.
No, the reason I like this tool is simple: since I inserted the wee button in my sidebar it tells me in an instant whether I’m up or down relative to the blogosphere at large. I don’t have to go to Technorati and sign in. I don’t have to check Google Blog Search for links that don’t show up on Technorati. I don’t have to do anything more than look over on my sidebar, and as I am constitutionally lazy, I like that.
Your Blog’s Value is $237.11!
Inbound links: 199
Technorati rank: 48998
Up 3,000 from yesterday, woohoo!
the single most amusing story on the internet
and no, I didn’t write it. And I don’t actually know who did, but I can easily see why he’s not sticking this on his home page, penultimate gem in the crown of humour or not.
Can you imagine having a nice job interview with Graydon Carter and suddenly he cries “Oh, you’re the tapeworm guy!”
Do not, repeat, do not read this if you are even slightly hungover, the teensiest bit nauseated, or about to sit down to a good meal. It is a few years old, but none the worse for that. Originally I think I got it from BoingBoing, but that was back when they were a website, because blogs hadn’t been invented yet.
Yes, that old.
This, ladies and gentlemen, is the tale of the tapeworm.
When I go to the bathroom, I usually expect it to be a non-event. After so many years, there are few surprises left for me sitting on a toilet. Yet that’s where I first discovered an uninvited entity that called me home.
operation global media domination: porn stalker!
Well this is odd. Sometime in the last 72 hours someone (no idea who) labelled my blog as porn, using the handy-dandy WordPress “Label this blog Adult” feature. Someone on the forum told me this is supposed to flag it for review and, if the blog is indeed found to be porn, it’s taken off search engine updates, dropped from the “Next Blog” “Tag Surfer” “Blog of the day” “Top Posts” and “Latest Posts” rolls, and the blogger can no longer post comments, which I found out when I tried to inform whatsername with the Starbucks iced coffee coupon that it is, in fact, legit.
Well, now I have reason to believe that the instant someone tags the fucker with “Porn” it sticks, and only an appeal will get it out of the gutter and back into the starry sky.
So that’s what happened. Sometime last night it dawned on me that my hits were half, count ’em, half what they should normally be, and that for some reason my posts weren’t showing up where they should.
And this does not take me to my happy place.
I posted a question in the forum and sent in a Support Contact Form, as one is supposed to do. About six hours later (in fairness, it WAS the middle of the night) I get an email from Barry saying sorry, we checked your blog, it’s fine, it had been “porned” and it’s not, so you’re good to go.
Surely, I thought, surely that would have given me some kind of period of immunity, like a vaccination.
Silly me.
“Referrers” is a stat table that lists the links that people have come to your blog through, and how many came through each. For today so far, mine looks like this:
| Referrer | Views |
|---|---|
| wordpress.com/tag/porn | 11 |
| wordpress.com/tag/porn/7 | 8 |
| colddesert.blogspot.com | 5 |
| topix.net/who/cloris-leachman | 4 |
| wordpress.com/tag/porn/6 | 3 |
Yes, someone has gone through 8 or more pages of Porn tags on WordPress, looking for mine. No doubt thinking if s/he can whine “oh but she has 22 posts tagged “porn” it’s an open and shut case. Well it’s not, because I have never posted porn on this blog and I defy anyone to say it’s not PG-13. Particularly since Photobucket took down my pictures of large public sculptures; okay, so the Boris Vallejo was a bit edgy. Believe me, I’m well aware of those boundaries, having dealt with that issue for several years.
Let’s take a look at some of the blog entries tagged “Porn” on the ol’ raincoaster blog, shall we? Because we know you like to look at porn.
BoingBoing on TWAT, which reproduced a BoingBoing post of a RyanAir ad about people (small, distant, probably Irish people) taking their clothes off at an airport.
Operation Global Media Domination: The Rear View, in which we discover I’ve been linked to by both LibertyForum and Nastyfuckingporn.com, a link blog.
If Men Wrote Advice Columns, a joke column I found on Fark.
Beaver Shots. The ever-popular. Beavers swimming in the Okanagan.
Check into the Paris Hilton, an SNL skit starring guess who? Dirty puns, nothing more.
Ah yes, the infamous Marketing Tips for Hookers, an original piece of humour blogging from the Downtown EastSide, featuring stories that were just too funny to go in my book.
The Shebeen Club: Book Banning, Free Speech, and Mein Kampf. How ironic.
Had a minor heartflip an hour ago when it appeared I’d been re-porned, but Barry now tells me that’s not the case and probably would advise me to take two asprin and get a life, if he weren’t such a polite lad, but he is, and he can’t help it.
UPDATE: all my comments, including the ones on this very blog, are now being labelled Spam and held for approval. Swellerific.
Lucy Gao’s email
Somehow I knew I could count on Oxford to be on this like pretention on a 21-year-old intern. From the Oxford Gao gossip thread, here’s the original email. Apparently, she’s at Balliol when she’s not at the Ritz or interning in the property department at Citibank. And don’t forget to look through the thread for the comments (as previously discussed…. maybe we need to revisit the intern selection criteria, I think the emphasis on control may be too high!) and the lovely birthday photos.
Dunno what the hell I’m talking about? Check here for the intro to this whole sorry affair, and here for visual evidence that, even if she’s not as well dressed as Mickey Rooney in the above pic, she’s much, much better pleased with herself.
Subject: Details and instructions for Lucy’s Ritz Party
Dear Friends,Thank you for all your replies and I am glad all of you can come this Friday to celebrate my 21st with me.
Please read ALL the following to ensure your entry into the Ritz.Lucy’s 21st Birthday Party
at The Ritz Hotel London Friday, 18th of August
9pm Champagne Reception
10pm Photo Shoots
10:30pm Blowing Candles
“Candles.” Is that what the kids are calling them now?
Mid-night Pangaea, Mayfair
Is that anywhere around midnight? Only with 85% more pretention?
I have arranged the Ritz to host a Champagne Reception with a selection of Ritz Champagne for all my guests, this will be on me so please come and indulge.
And someone please bring the birthday girl a change of punctuation.
A specially made birthday cake has also been ordered and the Ritz waiters will kindly serve you each a generous slice with Ritz cutleries,
etc…also on me.
Those kindly waiters. And they let you use the Ritz cutleries, too? Wow, you must have pull.
INSTRUCTIONS FOR ENTRY:
* When you arrive, take the Hotel entry on the opposite side of the Green Park tube station [Please refer to your arrival time at the
end of this email]
Where are they supposed to take it? Is it heavy?
* When asked “how can I help you Sir/Madame?”, you reply “I am here for Lucy’s Birthday Party at the Rivoli Bar”
Kind of like “the black dog howls at midnight,” only in this case he would be blowing candles at Mid-night.
* You will be escorted to the lounge area next to the Rivoli bar, where you will hopefully see a gorgeous group of ladies.
Okay, I’m not 100% certain about this, but she seems to be indicating that she has laid on hot and cold running hookers; if this is the case, no wonder her email has been forwarded so many times. Bankers can be bitter if they’re not invited.
If you experience any issues getting in or getting to the Ritz, please call my mobile on 07782 205 450 and my PA Ms Gill will kindly deal with your queries between 8:30pm to 10pm.
Is it really that difficult to get into a hotel nowadays? Gee, back when I was 21 we just used to go over the wall like plain folks.
STRICT DRESS CODE:
Gentlemen: Jacket, shirt, and please also bring a tie (no jeans, trainers, flip-flops, polo-shirts)
Ladies: skirt/top, cocktail dress (no denim, min-skirts, flip-flips, bad tastes)
No, we certainly don’t want any bad tastes.
Advice 1: It goes without saying that the more upper-class you dress, the less likely you shall be denied entry.
Advice 2: Photos will be taken between 10pm to 10:30pm, and these will be distributed once processed, therefore you may want to be
well-groomed!
Although certainly not in bad tastes. There is only so much magic Lucy’s PA can work with the Photoshop.
Finally…
I will be accepting cards and small gifts between 9pm to 11pm…<wink
wink> heheheI very much look forward to seeing you all at the Ritz this Friday.
Lucy
ARRIVAL TIMES: [Please stick to these as best as you can, thank you]
9:00pm: Lucy, Sophie Sandner, Kajai, Mandeep, Preet, Sanami, Su, Lisa,
Kate.
9:15pm: Phoebe, Sophie Seugnet, Theo, Dmitry, Ed, Nikolay, Paul, Nick,
Harry.
9:30pm: Marco, Andrea, Jess, Ovi, Yuki, Olga, Kim, Marcelo, Ulyana,
Krystal, Dan.
9:45pm: Sunita, Alan, JingJing, Emma.
10:00pm: Anthony, Rachel, Roger, Uli, Yogi, Gharzi Lucy Gao
Citigroup | Real Estate Equity Research
4th Floor, Citigroup Centre (CGC1)
25 Canada Square, London E14 5LB
Direct Line: +44 207 986 4116
Fax: +44 207 986 4341
Mobile: +44 778 220 5450
Email: lucy.gao@citigroup.com mailto:lucy.gao@citigroup.com
You know that each and every one of those people is pretending not to know this woman today.
“No, no, that’s the other Gharzi!”
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raincoaster 