D’oe!

Audrey Hepburn and her pet deerDon’t you just hate it when you’re minding your own business, just taking your deer out for a walk, and suddenly one little thing sets off the mob and things go all Quentin Tarantino on you? Someone call a recently-reemployed screenwriter and get them on this right away: it’s a soon-to-be-classic, can’t-fail romcom featuring Hayden Panettiere as the ditsy socialite India Vanderhoof and Michael Cera as Fred Fogg, the waiter with a heart of gold, starring in the guaranteed worldwide box office smash Bringing Up Bambi!

All the way from Winston-Salem, North Carolina:

Witnesses eating lunch Sunday at TJ’s Deli in Winston-Salem were startled when they said a woman walking a pet deer on a leash lost control of the animal, causing it to break through a window and run amok through the restaurant’s dining room…

The deer, which witnesses described as a 120 to 140-pound doe, finally ran through the kitchen and out the back door.

No one was injured in the melee, and there’s no word on why the woman had the deer or if charges would be filed against her.”We might add deer jerky (to the menu),” Fogg said laughing

Who should I call about this…Pixar? Steve, Steve, we need to talk.

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Robot Vampire vs the Four Hopping Ninjas of the Apocalypse

Hoo, baby, you don’t want to go up against the Four Hopping Ninjas of the Apocalypse! These fearsome, kangarooian warriors put even the terrible Lo Pan of Big Trouble in Little China to shame. The last time I saw these guys I was leaving the Shebeen late one night and caught the briefest glimpse before they started hopping in a circle around me, faster and faster. Soon, everything was spinning.

And then the pink elephants began to dance

An awesome scene featuring some top class fight choreography and special effects. Witness the titanic struggle of Man-Machine versus not one, not two, not even three but four evil hopping vampires!

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quiz: which great Thoroughbred racehorse are you?

Well, I AM the greatest. But I don’t think they had Ruffian on this, so what the hell kind of a quiz is that? Sexism!


Stolen from kstafford @ TheAspiringHorseplayer. I would, for the record, so TOTALLY have been Ruffian.

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the subprime mortage crisis, explained, plus bonus Jérôme Kerviel details

The Long Johns, John Fortune & John Bird, explain in interview just exactly how the subprime mortgage crisis really happened. Realer than you’d think (stolen from Valleywag)

My current favorite banking scandal-related fact: Jérôme Kerviel, the mild-mannered French rogue banker who lost over €4.9 billion in one month and may have thereby perpetrated the current market cliff-jump, had eleven friends on Facebook.

Parenthetical: Richard Milhous Nixon probably has more friends on Facebook and he’s for reals dead, not just career dead!

But the best part is, after the news broke, one by one as the day continued those eleven friends de-friended him while the journalists of the world watched and snickered. Justice in action! The internet’s revenge is swift, ruthless, and public.

Jérôme KervielFrom the Guardian:

There was speculation he could have been trying to prove himself to the bank, to create his own spectacular method of making profits or simply prove the system could be broken. Union officials warned he might have been caught in a quest for a good bonus…”If he was a genius, then we didn’t spot it, ” said Dominique Chabert, his university tutor. He was “not a student who made an impression on his year, either in a good or bad way”.

Apparently France’s tolerance for tragically mediocre Walter Mitty figures is less than its tolerance for Mickey Rourke.

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When Worlds Collide: The Pot Vending Machine

Medical Marijuana growers get into the stashIn a post sure to incite frantic giggling and mild sweating all over the blogosphere, Thrillist (via Defamer)has announced that the State of California now offers medical marijuana in vending machines available at four locations, 24 hours a day.

They open for business on Monday, will be closed by Tuesday to extract the bodies of overly-eager clients from underneath their crushing bulk.

After cinching up your doctor’s consultation, hit an AVM location to get your prescription approved, fingerprint taken, and a prepaid credit card loaded with your profile: dosage (3.5 or 7 grams, up to 1oz a week) and strain preference (choice of five, including OG Cush and Granddaddy Purple, the mildly hallucinogenic forebear to Prince). Then day or night, all you do is hit a machine and walk away with enough vacuum-sealed, plastic-encapsulated cheeba to adequately treat your illness, and guarantee your car never smells like new leather again.

No, they don’t carry the Root Beer strain.

No word on whether they carry Doritos.

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