You’ve seen the Original…
Now see the derivative, post-postmodern, watered-down American version!
An epic battle of apathetic grandeur.
STARRING
Announcer Greg Berman – Taige Jensen (voice)
Announcer Neil Tafoya – Ryan Hunter (voice)
Reporter Conica Friesbee – Jenn Lyon
#1, Sasha Pinrod III – Taige Jensen
#2, Larken Trebek – Maggie Ross
#3, Nolan Shelby – Ryan Hunter
#4, Zac Zuro – Ryan Hall
#5, Gideon Zidoushe – Dave Powell
Referee Wally Masters – Will Connell
Square Sean Ericsson – Eric Sherertz
DISCLAIMER:
POYKPAC™ and POYKPAC Sports™ have no affiliation with Pabst Brewing Company, American Apparel, Myspace.com, cocaine, Pitchfork Media, The Elephant 6 Recording Company, Domino Recording Company Ltd, EMI, MoTown Records, or Vice Magazine Publishing Inc. All products and companies portrayed were done so satirically.
This short film is, however, a shameless tribute to Monty Python‘s “The Upperclass Twit of the Year.” All that being said: Let the lawsuits commence!
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I’m just going to assume you know what I’m talking about, because after all, we’re all adults on the internets and we have been around a turn or two, didn’t just fall off the novelty USB device truck, we’ve had it in the ear before.
So. Goatse And The Eight Phases Thereof: a photoessay
A phenomenon known as “goatse” has taken the internet by storm, in what has become the fad from hell that just won’t die. Don’t know what goatse is? It’s a picture, go look it up, can’t miss it. Unfortunately, no one can be told what the goatse is…you must see it for yourself….
And when you do…
Phase 1: Shock
“OMGWTF!” *MINIMIZE……*
all the way to:
Phase 7: Enchantment
“Only on teh intranet! What a delight!”
And beyond!
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I’ve been meaning to steal this for some time, but have been holding off because the blogger from whom I stole it was threatened right off the Internet by that anal retentive egotist “Hitchens‘ little brother,” not to be confused with his more powerful and eloquent brother, nor with The Hitch, who is far more amusing and not afraid of god or man, much less a snivelling, brittle journalist. I was hoping she’d come back online, but “the other Hitchens” has probably gone so far as to rip up the power lines delivering electricity to her house, restoring her to a state not unlike those pre-Industrial peasants for whom he bears such apparent fondness.
But she’s gone. Hope somewhere a desperately enema-deprived hack is happily snickering into his posset. And drunkenly spilling it right into his shrivelled and dusty lap.
Anyway, here’s four whining Yorkshiremen: Eddie Izzard, Harry Enfield, Vic Reeves and the Voice of God himself, Alan Rickman.
And transcript, courtesy of BadKittyCat over the jump.
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Well, a hedge fund manager explains in unique, hedge fund managerial style; which is to say, you might as well take a hit of acid, down a few fingers (say, nine) of tequila, and put on an audiotape of the Math Olympics while watching an old 16mm reel of The Candidate simultaneous with a laserdisc copy of How to Get Ahead in Advertising. It’s Fear and Loathing in East Hampton, baby, so fasten your seatbelts; it’s going to be a bumpy ride.
Well, for those of you with money, anyway. I, on the other hand, haven’t lost a cent! Ha, ha, ha! Where did I put that Janis Joplin album…?
So here, without further ado, is the simple, straightforward explanation of the global economic brainfart that just wiped out a significant, if small, percentage of the money of really, really obscenely stinkin’ rich people. Warm up your teensy, tinesy violins.
Hedge-Fund Guy Atones for
His Subprime Bond Sins
By Mark GilbertAug. 16 (Bloomberg) — Dear investor, we’d like to take this opportunity to update you on the recent performance of our hedge fund, Short-Term Capital Mismanagement LLP.
As you know, market selection for the entire fund is guided by a proprietary investing tool we like to call “a dartboard.” Once the asset classes are decided, individual security selections are generated by digitizing our unique hexagonal cuboid models.
Unfortunately, it transpires that our hexagonal cuboids are not as unique as we thought. Hundreds of other hedge funds possess identical dice. The technical term for this is a “crowded trade.” You may also see it referred to as “climbing on a bandwagon already headed for the wall.”
As our alpha generation collapses, our beta has turned negative, our delta hedging has gone toxic and, trust me, you do not want to hear about our gamma. We can’t even find our epsilons in the dark with both hands…
and so on, at length. I think their bonus is calculated by the wordcount.
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raincoaster 