mine is bigger than yours, Australia

and don’t even start with me, Texas!

Canadian oysters

BC oysters are gargantuan, breathtakingly muscled city-levelling monstrosities from which even Godzilla would flee in terror, tail tucked neatly between giant dinosaurian legs. You don’t mess with our oysters. Our oysters can kick your oysters’ ass.

Especially once I tell them that YOUR oysters need Viagra.

I then turned to my partners and said “boys – we are going to feed our oysters Viagra and other minerals and vitamins that help with erection dysfunction”. They of course thought I was kidding… within the week we had our web sites, business names and a patent pending application lodged.

We then began the process of feeding oysters the Viagra and other minerals etc in glass and stainless steel tanks.

All I can say is that eating a dozen of these Sydney Rock Hard Oysters® sure as heck works!

What? It’s not really for the oysters at all? Well then, who could the Viagra be for? Hello, Australia? Hello?

Funny, everything’s gone quiet on their end. Maybe I intimidated them?

geoduck

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a Sunday night of romance

veiled statue by rich hugunineDorothy Parker has an heir. Please go to max‘s blog and read her story Table for Two; it is all of the things a Dorothy Parker story is except motivated by hopeless unrequited love for a closeted gay man.

I think.

Also related, this Cowboy Junkies song:

lyrics over the jump. Who’d have guessed I’d be all about the wistfulness tonight (or, indeed, ever). It probably has something to do with the first summer storm and the nostalgic smell of hot asphalt sprinkled with raindrops. Seriously, I must be undercaffeinated or sumpin’. If I go for a jog and encounter raccoon babies I might just start snivelling. Awwww, time to dig out the old Meg Ryan movies.

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Continue reading

quiz: what corset are you?

I can hardly wait to see what some of my more testosteronaceous readers get on this one.

Stolen from the theftworthy max.

 


What corset are you?

 

You’re a Victorian-era corset. How refined.
Take this quiz!

 


 

 

Quizilla |
Join

 

| Make A Quiz | More Quizzes | Grab Code

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the most powerful communications tool in the history of the universe

and what do we do with it?

That’s right. We use it to put YouTube videos in our blogs instead of writing something.

Here’s a classic from the WaybackMachine.

Operation Global Media Domination: operation indemnification

TIALook, people, it’s FAKE. It’s not her. Now will you please either go away or read more posts on the blog?

Seriously, 960 hits yesterday, 998 hits the day before, just through searches for “Britney Spears Sex Tape” for which it appears I google rather highly (higher, indeed, than my sources).

Too bad posts tagged “Porn” don’t get counted in Top Posts; I’d own that damn list. Also: innnnnneresting that men surf for porn more on long weekends. Must be spending all that time with the family that does it!

My hits overall are up, but the fact is these literal wankers are not hanging around to contribute to the kaliedoscope of wonderment that is the ol’ raincoaster blog, nossir; they are wimping out limping out and backing out and going back to, presumably, their mothers’ basements to assuage their undying existential pain by giving it up the butt to their stuffed Wookiee yet another bleak and pointless night.

I get the sense they’re not really Digging me! Submit to raincoaster!!! If you do, she might just find a way to give you control of Britney Spears’ Sex Tape after all!

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