Zombies in Plain English
Did you know that zombies come from British Columbia? It’s true. It’s a fact.

It’s a well-known fact that the common-or-garden zombie is an unsophisticated creature, preferring the isolation of the countryside, farms, campsites, and small towns to the cramped confines of large metropolii. As with all species, however, urban encroachment upon their natural habitat has led to increasing pressure on the indigenous zombie population, and to increasing incidents of conflict and contact.

So it was that this past Tuesday a zombie was found wandering the semi-rural streets of Langley, a placid suburb of Greater Vancouver, a Lesser Vancouver if you will.

From the Langley Times:

WEB EXTRA: Dead man wandered from accident scene

By Natasha Jones – Langley Times – June 05, 2008

Christopher Edgar Parmiter, 37, of Surrey has been identified as the man whose body was discovered underneath a tractor-trailer unit on Industrial Avenue on Tuesday morning.

The top salesman for Chrysler in Western Canada, Parmiter may have been dead for several hours before he was found at 7:40 a.m.

According to his brother Mark Babor, Parmiter was involved in a low-speed crash involving just his car, a red 2008 Viper, in the area of Fraser Highway and the 208 Street causeway.

His car sustained only minor damage and, Babor said, an autopsy revealed no physical trauma to Parmiter’s body.

If only he had left a blog behind…we could have had some insight into his motivations. Surely, however, disorientation and brain lust must, as always, have been at the forefront. If you doubt, just realize that in life, he was the kind of man who drove a Viper. Obviously, he’d be in need of brains.