stats: the forbidden love

This is the so-called lecture, in actuality dialogue, that I gave at Moosecamp, which is the first, more free-form day, of the Northern Voice Blogging Conference. It was my intention to get people talking about the simple right to care about hits, but it turned out that this was taken as a given and we went off on all kinds of tangents. I’m a big tangent person, so I love this. Here’s the whole podcast, thanks to Podcastspot.com; I shall never again question the relevance of podcasts.

I’ll snippet the bits of wisdom and the URL’s later.

http://northernvoice.podcastspot.com/episodes/61B26D/download/mp3_96

add to del.icio.us :: Add to Blinkslist :: add to furl :: Digg it :: add to ma.gnolia :: Stumble It! :: add to simpy :: seed the vine :: :: :: TailRank

I got a raise!

Well, theoretically I did. If you know me at all you know that for me, money generally exists on the theoretical plane rather than the material one.

In any case, I went from this:


My blog is worth $57,583.08.
How much is your blog worth?

to this:


My blog is worth $90,326.40.
How much is your blog worth?

Now, if I just knew a bank that would give me a loan against equity…

del.icio.us: I got a raise!
blinklist: I got a raise!
furl: I got a raise!
Digg it: I got a raise!
ma.gnolia: I got a raise!
Stumble it: I got a raise!
simpy: I got a raise!
newsvine: I got a raise!
reddit: I got a raise!
fark: I got a raise!
Technorati Favorite me!

tag cloud nine

raincoaster's tag cloud is so way taggier than yours, yo!So there it is: the raincoaster tag cloud, which idea I got from Seismic Twitch who got the Cthulhu chandelier from me so that is what you call fair trade. Thanks to WordPress.com and their security restrictions it’s not dynamic, but at least it does exist and feature Cthulhu rather prominently, even though it appears to imply that God hates Helen Mirren, which even if it were true I would have no way of knowing, so call off the lawyers and the priests already!

When you cast your bread upon the waters, it often returns to you in strange and unusual forms, even if an thousandfold. I mean, who needs that much bread pudding? But after casting nearly two thousand blog posts upon the blog pond, the internet gave a great heave and tossed the following back at me:

the raincoaster game!
Jessica Coen says so!

I have my own game! Mother would be so proud!

In moderately unrelated news, Google has recently re-jiggered their jigs and re-mastered their masters and greased up the series of tubes known as the internet and as a result my Page Rank, which had been a solid and more than respectobiggle 6 back in the day, but which had plummeted to a juicy 0 after the domain change, has clambered back up to a moderately impressive 5, although there is still lost ground to be regained. Operation Global Media Domination has suffered setbacks before, but it can no more be killed than it can be exorcise: like antimatter, OGMD is inherent in the very nature of the universe and should it be eliminated by some unthinkable and unspeakable metaphysical conflict, the existence of existence itself would cease to be, the snake would swallow its own tail, and the world as we know it would vanish in a puff of hyacinth-scented fairy dust.

And nobody wants that to happen, do they?

Got credited “submitted by” on BoingBoing for submitting Helm’s Deep in Candy, which they and TORn picked up: did fuckall for my hits, actually, and Technorati is still steadfastly refusing to see the damn link. They hate me. Mutual, babes, mutual. But I still get up to twenty hits a day from my comments on the Helm’s Deep post: very strange, but I’ll take ’em!

BTW, I outTechnorati BoingBoing on a search for Helm’s Deep in Candy. *thrilled*

Also, the Guardian picked up my Fart Tax story, which I got from the Guardian, and named it “Best of the web” but of course I didn’t get a screenshot. D’oh! Going on the resume anyway. It is a strange kind of incestuousness indeed that makes the participants BOTH look good, but god knows I’m not proud. Arrogant, yes: proud, no.

Rev it up, baby! 

In extremely-related news, I found this delightful little metric on Blogpond. How could raincoaster here resist something called EgoSurfing? I ax ya. My results, which vary between 10,000 and 12,000, give me a ranking of “Common” which is surely the first and last time someone will be able to get away with calling me that; you can insult me, but only if you manage also to give the impression that I am original in my sordid vileness: is that too much to ask?

Recently I was whining about the effect of blog quietude on hits and a friend of mine expressed complete bafflement at my interest in the subject; more than this, he managed to imply that working for fame was invalid, whereas working for money was right and good. More on this some other time, but being, as I knew he was, of a quantifiable turn of mind, I simply looked at him and quietly said “During the time I’ve been visiting you I’ve gone up seven thousand, five hundred places on Technorati.”

Where is your 2% annual raise now?

And finally tonight, also in OGMD news, we present some of the top searches that have led people to the ol’ raincoaster blog. Let us give thanks to Donnie Davies, may he rest in peace, Helen Mirren‘s tits, and the immortal triad of Beautiful Agony, Beaver Shots, and Blackzilla.

Strangely, nobody wants to look at Doug‘s beaver shots. They much prefer Lori’s. Maybe I should host a sort of photographic carnival of beaver shots, an internet-wide challenge for the best beaver shots out there. But that would artificially game the hits, and that would be so, so very far beneath me.

Wouldn’t it?

del.icio.us: tag cloud nine
blinklist: tag cloud nine
furl: tag cloud nine
Digg it: tag cloud nine
ma.gnolia: tag cloud nine
Stumble it: tag cloud nine
simpy: tag cloud nine
newsvine: tag cloud nine
reddit: tag cloud nine
fark: tag cloud nine
Technorati Favorite me!

and Jake Gyllenhaal is telling you…

tia.jpgSo it appears, it doth, that I didn’t make the shortlist for the coveted Bloggies. And I didn’t make the shortlist for the Weblog Awards, either. But will that stop me from pimping my blog out for the Koufax Awards, the Engtech Contest, and any other ego rocketfuel I can find? Hell to the no!

Let’s sit back and let the great dramatic actor Jake Gyllenhaal explain it to you.

Shakespeare is a virus

go ahead, make Samuel L. Jackson's day, punk.

or at least a meme. Try this if you dare! Ærchie rushed in where tenured profs fear to type, and here’s a sample:

The quality of WordPress is not strain’d,
It droppeth little hints as the gentle rain
From DrMike upon the wordpress forum: it is twice blest;
It blesseth him that writes and him that reads:
‘Tis mightiest in the blogosphere: it becomes
The throned monarch much better than all competition;
His stats show the force of technorati power,
The attributes of Andy’s widgets surpass all,
Wherein askimet doth ease the fear of spam…

Read the rest of this moving masterwork before Kenneth Branagh buys up the rights.

Show me the luv at the Bloggie Awards, people!

del.icio.us: Shakespeare is a virus
blinklist: Shakespeare is a virus
Digg it: Shakespeare is a virus
ma.gnolia: Shakespeare is a virus
Stumble it: Shakespeare is a virus
simpy: Shakespeare is a virus
newsvine: Shakespeare is a virus
reddit: Shakespeare is a virus
fark: Shakespeare is a virus
Technorati me!