Osama bin Makeover

Osama bin Makeover

Is it October already? Quel suprise!

Much attention has been paid to the “latest” video which purports to be from Osama bin Laden. Less attention, unfortunately, has been paid to the remarkable differences in his appearance between this video and the “last” video, which was released back in July and shows bin Laden as he appeared back in, say, 2002 or so. In fact, there are no pictures up until this past week which have been identified as bin Laden post-2002.
Naturally, if you’ve been rocking the same look that long, it’s high time for a makeover. From the looks of this “latest” vid, he got one: why, the transformation is positively Swan-worthy. It’s like he’s a different man! Note in particular the Osama bin Rhinoplasty‘d, the Osama bin Browplucked, and the Osama bin Restylaned mouth and nasal folds, the whole region of which appears to be so changed that it is almost as if it belonged to another person.

Almost, eh?

The great fashion blogger (and, not coincidentally my boss) The Manolo has fisked Osama‘s new look over on Pajamas Media, and for once we at the deeply Red ol’ raincoaster blog will encourage you to click over to a site owned by the Great Right Wing Conspiracy to get some good old-fashioned belly laughs. If only Stacy and Clinton could get their hands on this boy!

In the simple phrase, we now have witnessed the arrival of “Osama bin Metrosexual”.

With the freshly dyed beard, it is obvious that here is yet another sorry example of the aging man who has resorted to the Grecian Formula SPF50 in order to stave off the ravages of time; the man for whom the grey beard is not the mark of honor and of the life well lived, but of the irretrievable loss of youth.

Trust the Manolo, Osama, this look is not working for you.

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Thou shalt always kill

And thou shalt always steal and post when thou comest acrost something this good. I stole it from Bared Feet and Teeth.

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Build your own Bionic Woman: free after rebates!

Lindsay

Is this the right place to pass along the information that Angelina Jolie‘s pickup line used to be “five bucks if you can guess what’s real”?

Yes, yes it is.

In related news, the OSI, a branch of the CIA has released a statement via Funnimetrics indicating that, if you wait for the next 30% off sale at Future Shop or something and use all the rebate coupons that have been gathering dust on top of the tv, you can live every Seventies’ adolescent male’s dream and build your own bionic woman, FOR FREE!

For realz.

With the decreasing price of computer equipment and electronics in general, the parts for a bionic person, at one time a prohibitive six million dollars, now costs less that three hundred dollars. During sale weekends at Fry‘s electronics, the OSI claims it can lower that price to zero, or free (sales tax not included). The new motto for the bionic woman project will be, “better…stronger…faster…and cheaper…”

“I remember we had to buy this big Betamax VCR to observe Jamie and Austin’s training. That thing cost thousands…” said retired OSI head of bionic projects, Oscar Goldman.

The government study cost seven million dollars.

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Fox News: not exactly rocket scientists

or they’d have recognized this as the breakup of a Soyuz rocket over Denver, as opposed to the bullshit astronomical phenomenon they Googled in the last five minutes before air. You must listen to all the meaningless jabber that spews from this gibbering idiot. You can practically hear the marbles clacking in the vast emptiness of cranium.

…it’s amazing to me that the new anchors reporting this have no clue about what they are talking about. Extinct constellation? Quandrant-Tits? WFT?

Update! Turns out it wasn’t a meteor at all!

DENVER FIREBALL: Something from space disintegrated over Denver, Colorado, this morning around 6:20 am MST (1320 UT). Witnesses describe it as “brilliant, slow, twinkling, sparkly and full of rainbow colors.” It was not a meteor. The fireball was the decaying body of a Soyuz U rocket that launched the French COROT space telescope on Dec. 27th. The re-entry caused no damage on the ground–just a beautiful display in the sky.

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look here!

television

and now for some words from our sponsors:

Henry Rollins

and

Todd Alcott

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