Category Archives: Uncategorized

review o’ the day: Geoffrey Chaucer on video games

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Gower, take thatte!G-Chaus is back, with a roundup of the hottest video games on the market.

From TYGER WOODSES HUNTINGE AND HAWKINGE to GRANDE THEFTE, COLLUSIOUN, AND MAYNTENANCE, he gives his loyale readeres the hot poop on slick tech products that we’ve come to expect of the fourteenth century’s most prolific blogger.

Bonus points for using the Latinate “Margaritae“.

O my gentil rederes, it hath been a thinge of muche difficultee and laboure for to type euen the smallest entrie in myn blogge. For somer, lyk vnto a songe of Barry Manilow, hath ydrawn alle the spirit and vigor from my limbes and hert. For the gretre part of the hot moneth of July ich laye in my garden on my comfortable lawn-chaire and langwisshed lyk vnto sum yonge lover who hath ydumpede been. Ich daubede myn foreheed wyth a moyste towel and did drinke mvch of somer drinkes swich as margaritae and daquiri…
 

And so, my noble rederes, vntil the hete of somer fullie abateth, ich shal be up wyth litel Lowys, in hys attic room, playinge of video games and drinkinge depe draughtes of mountayne dewe. C U L8re, gentilz!

Ich Pwne Noobs

Operation Global Media Domination: Blackzilla, conqueror of blogs

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TIACrushing all in its path, Blackzilla has taken giant strides to the head of the raincoaster blog, with over 100 google hits over the past two days. Darren and Joanne? Ovah. Beautiful Agony? Suffering. Mad mentos and diet coke Scientists? Sputtering out.

The upcoming newcomers, all of whom have had their thunder stolen by my several-days-old Blackzilla posting, include T.W.A.T. in the Air, which several clueless commentors failed to identify as a joke, thus making themselves into punchlines; the Canadian patriotic post Beaver Shots (inexplicable; whodathunk Canadians would be so popular, eh?); and We Are All Gwyneth, for who among us is not, really?

British terror suspects named

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Fuck Censorship!The Guardian reports that pressure has been brought to bear on the media by the Metropolitan Police, the Home Secretary and the Attorney General of the UK to prevent media coverage of the suspects, amid fears that such coverage may prejudice a trail.

Of course, this begs the question of how fair can it be show greater respect for privacy of these particular suspects than any regular old suspects, who could and would be named with impunity. If the system is so irrevocably broken that merely stating “Mr. So-and-So has been arrested” will prejudice the trial, how then can it be fair to name other suspects in other crimes?

Let justice be blind; either outlaw the release of names or allow it. Interference by the judiciary, the legislature, or law enforcement in the dissemination of information is arbitrary and truly prejudicial. Does this interference mean that all other trials in Britain are unjust, and we’re okay with that?

The suspects:

The names on the Bank of England website are:

Walthamstow, London E17

Muhammed Usman Saddique, 24, lives in Albert Road. Attends Queens Road mosque

Waheed Zaman, 22, head of Islamic Society at London Metropolitan University

Assan Abdullah Khan, 21, lives in Banbury Road with brother and fellow suspect Abdula Ahmed Ali

Waheed Arafat Khan, 25, lives in Farnan Avenue

Cossor Ali, 23

Osman Adam Khatib, 19, lives in Wellington Road

Amin Asmin Tariq, 23, security guard at Heathrow

Abdula Ahmed Ali, 25, lives in Banbury Road with brother and fellow suspect Assan Abdullah Khan

Ibrahim Savant, 25, lives in Alkam Road. Changed name from Oliver Savant when converted to Islam. Attends Queens Road mosque

Poplar, London E14

Umair Hussain, 24

Stoke Newington, London

Shamin Mohammed Uddin, 35, oldest of the known suspects

Chingford, Essex

Nabeel Hussain, 22

Leyton, London E10

Tanvir Hussain, 25

Clapton, London E5

Abdul Muneem Patel, 17, youngest known suspect

High Wycombe, Buckinghamshire

Waseem Kayani, 29, reported to have recently returned from Pakistan, where he married

Umar Islam, 28, West Indian Christian background; changed name from Brian Young when converted to Islam

Assad Sarwar, 26, believed to have attended the Muslim Education Centre in Totteridge Drive. Brother of suspect Amjad Sarwar

Shazad Khuram Ali, 27, believed to have attended the Muslim Education Centre in Totteridge Drive. Runs car import business, AKZ Trading. Brother of suspect Haider Ali

Birmingham

Tayib Rauf, 22, lives in Ward End. Works with brother at father’s cake business, Classic Confectionery Supplies. Brother, Rashid, arrested in Pakistan

Not on the Bank of England list:

Walthamstow

Atika Sidyot, wife of Ibrahim Savant. Reportedly pregnant

High Wycombe

Amjad Sarwar, 28, works at Shazad Khuram Ali’s car business, AKZ. Brother of Assad Sarwar UPDATE not arrested, not questioned. The Bank of England apparently released as “arrested” the name of a man who wasn’t even interviewed.

Adbul Waheed (or Wahid), 21, changed name from Don Stewart-Whyte when converted to Islam

Haider Ali, works for his brother Shazad Khuram Ali’s car business, AKZ

Unnamed, woman in her twenties with a six-month-old child

on your knees for the Church of Tom Jones

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No, seriously. There’s a Church of Tom Jones. In California, of course. What’s slightly worrying is that it’s in the state’s capital city, a place we’d thought had more than its RDA of showbiz nuttiness already, what with the Gouvernator and all.

Thanks to FE for the video, and to the BBC, via Fark, for the story.

A US preacher who has set up a church dedicated to the Welsh sex symbol and crooner Tom Jones has denied using religion in vain.

Pastor Jack Stahl said Jones‘s “soulful, spiritual and supernatural” voice helps him contact God.

Would this have anything to do with all those women yelling “Oh God, oh God,” at certain moments? Just close your eyes and think of Tom Jones…

“It’s weird, but a positive thing,” he said. “I inspired Pastor Jack. He saw the light through me, so it works.”

for the necrophiliac in your life

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Men of Mortuaries

Get your ghoul on and help fight cancer by buying this Men of Mortuaries hawt undertaker calendar. Cuz really, aren’t we all over our fireman fetish by now?

The 2007 Men of Mortuaries™ Calendar is scheduled to be available in October of 2006. You may reserve your copy by giving us your e-mail address at the bottom of this page. When the calendars become available we will inform you.

Monies raised from the calendar will directly benefit KAMM foundation dedicated to the caring and assistance of people who are going through the treatment of breast cancer. Proceeds will provide these people assistance with such necessities as child care costs and groceries, to name just two. The primary goal of KAMM is to provide people going through cancer with more opportunities to make their lives better.