Hump Day Unicorn Chaser: I want to go to there, part 2

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Baroque theater

I would happily live here in a sleeping bag, with a little Coleman stove to cook on. Of course, it’s not actually abandoned yet, so I’d have to start a rumour the seats were infected with the Ass Plague or something, but no great takeover was ever accomplished except by bold action.

OH, wait, another illusion shattered:

The set is an illusion that makes the stage look extremely deep… it’s actually quite small

But double wait: I think I’d rather live in a beautiful illusion, as long as I knew it was an illusion. Or maybe I already do.

Lyrics over the jump:

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Oh, Charlie!

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What Have We Learned, Charlie Brown?

Image via Wikipedia

How do you solve a problem like Charlie Sheen? You can’t, because he’s so epically winning, right? BOOM! But you can try to come a bit closer to understanding him if you run him through a few filters first; it’s like watching an eclipse. The sheer awesomenosity could blind you if you didn’t apply some filters. So here is Jimmy Kimmel‘s interpretation of the Sheen interview, with visuals starring that other Charlie.

Brown.

via CelebratingTheAbsurd

And since this post has already been user-tested for celebrity gossip addict appeal, here are your gossip links for Wednesday:

Baby on Board (raincoaster)

Nicole Kidman could use a sammich (Lolebrity)

London Fashion Week is for the birds (Ayyyy)

I scream! (ManoloFood)

He should fit right in with Lindsay and Gadaffi (AgentBedhead)

Charlie Sheen too busy winning to retain custody of his kids (BusyBeeBlogger)

Justin Bieber sells out to rich witch doctor? (CelebDirtyLaundry)

A simple summit with Lady Gaga (CelebritySmack)

Robert Pattinson cheats on Tai (CelebVIPLounge)

Babies: totally Team Coco (CityRag)

Katie “Sue” Holmes (DailyStab)

Kim Kardashian, Saviour of Autotune (Earsucker)

Save Oprah! (FitFabCeleb)

Another sign Russia is in desperate straights (GirlsTalkinSmack)

Oh man, the ski lobby hates celebrities (HaveUHeard)

ScarJo publicly toejobs Sean Penn (INeedMyFix)

Oh Em Jee, the Oscars are about to get awesome (MathewGuiver)

Britney’s V shots (PoorBritney)

Sad Mugshot Xtina is sad (PopBytes)

Amanda Seyfried’s magically transforming Doc Martens (TheSkinny)

Five Angels, only two backsides among them (TheSkinnyChic)

 

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The Most Beautiful Anti-Vivisection Music Video You Will See Today

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Guaranteed. Nothing gross here, just the beautiful and the sad. Never let it be said that Mylene Farmer doesn’t go all-out with her videos; California was the most expensive music video ever made. This one is called Si j’avais au moins… Sharp-eyed readers may spot the hypocrisy inherent in such an avid cosmetic surgery fan doing a video like this, but hey: PRETTY!

There, I THINK that video will play now. I hate YouTube.

Operation Global Media Domination: the Thank God It’s Not Me edition

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Total Information Awareness

Scientia est Potentia

As longtime readers of the ol’ raincoaster blog know, occasionally we take a good long look at our stats, indeed, nearly disappearing into our own fundamentals from time to time, most particularly when something has either gone spectacularly well or when it has gone spectacularly badly. We call this Operation Global Media Domination.

As you, gentle reader, are doubtless also aware, recently things have been going spectacularly badly with the exception of the unfortunately shortly-lived Cusack Effect. You may be sure that I am doing all in my power to drag my hits out of the ditch in which Automattic has thrown them (and a long, technical rant on why will doubtless be forthcoming) including appearing on podcasts, speaking at conferences (four this month: FOUR) and pimping out my blog in my linkblogging every chance I get.

It’s paying off slowly, as we’ve gone from about 650 hits a day in May up to 1100, but when Automattic made the link from the global tag pages NoFollow, they basically threw me off a cliff, or at least my hits. My graph:

I die! I DIE!!!

Is it any wonder I'm so fucking CRANKY?????

But there’s something worse than facing that graph: facing THIS graph:

Nick Denton is not a happy man

Nick Denton is not a happy man

Can you guess when the new Gawker redesign was implemented? Can you believe a man as smart as Denton has a cash bet that pageviews are going UP? Can you believe he still doesn’t see the problem?

Can you ever be thankful enough that that’s not you???

Nick Denton BOOM Winning. Just ask him.

Nick Denton BOOM Winning. Just ask him.

Baby on Board!

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Baby on Board, what does it LOOK like?

Baby on Board, what does it LOOK like?

I cannot be the only person on the face of the Earth who is literal-minded enough to be annoyed when seeing one of those smug “Baby on Board” stickers and NOT seeing any baby in the car. Dude, someone stole your baby! CALL THE POLICE! MISSING BABY! HOW IS BABBY MADE?

Oh wait, that’s “dogging” isn’t it?

Do pregnant women walk around with Baby On Board shirts? Apparently they do, for the people who are blind and cannot see that they are pregnant, although unless the shirts are in Braille those poor people won’t be able to see the shirt either, so I guess it’s just for the convenience of really, really stupid people who are also inclined to judge people based on their size.