So it’s not Wednesday. It feels like it: I’ve already blown through half my work hours allowed for the week at the Daily Dot and a fat lot of good it did me so it’s time for a little break.
Welcome to Honorary Hump Day.
Here’s a great video from our old friend Mark Day, who made a lightning visit to Burning Man (not that we’re jellus) and is now looking more Californian than we’ve ever seen him. Congratulations, you’ve made a nearly full recovery from your Hebridean upbringing. Stay till the end for bonus AWWWWWW.
Well, it had to happen. Everybody’s favorite/least favorite Anon/talking head/fameball Barrett Brown once again drew the attention of law enforcement. Being a very 21st Century character, he was half-naked, seemingly baked, and on video when it all went down.
Here is that video.
Full report will be up tomorrow on the Daily Dot. You’re welcome.
When first one begins to make new life choices, there is only one place for an intrepid change-maker to start: self-analysis. And for quality self-analysis, I always turn to internet quizzes.
You tend to be very obsessive. Once you focus your attention on something or someone, it’s all you think about.You are also very secretive. People don’t know much about the life that you lead.
You are attracted to weak people. You may want to prey on them, but you also may just want to help them.You need attention, and you can get desperate if you aren’t getting attention from the right person. You’ll do about anything to get noticed.
Check, check, check, and CHECK. That’s the hard part over with.
Next stop: the wardrobe department! As you can see from the GPOY at the top of the post, that’s all taken care of.
Sadly, the bottom has dropped out of the formerly-lucrative blackmail market. In a world currently enduring its sixth season of Jersey Shore, there is no market for shame whatsoever.
This leaves me with the unanswered critical question: how in hell do I make a living from this particular assortment of talents? I hate the thought of going into politics!
One of my good friends has started a FB thread asking how many people would leave Vancouver if they could, but remain only for family reasons. Quite a lot of people say they would leave if they could. Several of the best people I know have, in fact, left; I myself left to go to Yellowknife last year. And people from outside wonder why.
Wonder no more. Read and learn.
A different friend of mine was welcomed to the board of Vancouver Is Awesome. Great. Awesome. However.
Lorraine Murphy Tell them to unBlock me on Twitter. They got awful touchy when I pointed out they Followed Jason Priestly and they blocked me.
Wayne Shaddow They blocked you Lorraine? See, this kind of thing worries me. Sounds like a “if you say anything against us, you’ll be blacklisted” thing. Out the window goes the ‘social’.
Lorraine Murphy Yep, they blocked me. They were talking to someone else, and said “Sorry we don’t follow you but we only Follow accounts that list awesome events in Vancouver.” That’s when I asked how many Vancouver events Jason Priestly posts and BAM! Blocked. I get that people can have a bad day. God knows, I get that. But you’ve got to make it right. Or Jason Priestly better start posting events!
Lorraine, I blocked you (2 years ago now?) after you randomly knocked me with a few unsolicited snarky remarks. From what I remember I had no interactions with you aside from the times you felt like hurling something at me. I don’t enjoy be
ing pecked at, so I blocked you. Please move on. It’s been a long time.
Wayne, please don’t let it worry you. If you were standing in front of me in real life and did the same, a bunch of times, I would block you with my hand and then walk away and likely avoid having interactions with you in the future. Like blocking on Twitter. “Social” online means the same to me as social in person, and I don’t socialize by hurling snarky remarks at people before I even properly introduce myself. That’s called heckling.
Anyway… this board of advisors is SO AWESOME and I am honoured to have you on board, Rebecca.
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Lorraine Murphy Bob, you really aren’t recalling this accurately. And you do need to move on.
Welcome to Sunday. Sunday is, quite obviously, the most important day of the week.
It is the day the restaurants close.
In an age of over-adequate labour supplies and chefs, sous chefs, and assistant-sub-sous chefs, there can, of course, be only one reason for EVERY FUCKING RESTAURANT I WANT TO GO TO being closed on a Sunday. TWICE IN A ROW.
Everyone on staff has gone off to worship.
Cthulhu worship
For those of you picturing neat rows of Episcopalian pews filled with shiny, freshly-scrubbed food and beverage staffer faces, allow me to shatter your dreams now. Think back to the last time you were at a good restaurant. The bartender, the waitstaff, the chef, the buspersons…did they look familiar from church? Did they even look like the type of person who goes to your church? I think not. I very much think not.
Yet, Sunday closures. Therefore, they must be Cthulhu worshipppers. It’s the only logical conclusion. When everything impossible has been eliminated whatever is left, however improbable, must be the truth, and you KNOW those people don’t show up at your church, now do they? So does it really matter what flavour of damnation they choose, whether it’s Lutheranism or SisterWifeism or Whateverism? No. But restaurant staffers, if they’re clever, know exactly how to play the angles. They know how to pick a winner and glom on to him like there’s no tomorrow, which is why Gordon Ramsay’s busboy is the same as he was twenty years ago, only with more scars.
Hence, Cthulhuism.
Cthulhu Worship for doubters
Now there’s a religion that pays out for your investment. The stars are going to align almost any day now and when they do, acolytes of the Cult of Cthulhu such as myself and all non-fast-food restaurant staffers are going to be on the top of the world, along with loathesome, towering monstrosities of which you’ve never dreamed in your worst nightmares. If you really, truly doubt that Cthulhuism has infiltrated, influenced, and irrevocably changed mainstream culture, listen up: has there not been a VAST increase in the number of women insisting on being eaten first?
raincoaster 