Daily Archives: September 13, 2006

Steve Irwin wants you to get a life!

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Seriously, people, you’re freaking me out here. Steve Says Go for a Walk, Mate!Much as I dislike seeing searchers for Mango Porno on my blog, and as tired as I got of Lucy Fucking Gao and her merry band of email forwarders, I’m really quite sick of this now.

Searches that led to my blog yesterday:

beautiful agony 100
watch steve irwin die 73
blackzilla 48
Lucy Gao 43
steve irwin die video 20
beaver shots 17
Stingray killing 17
Steve Irwin die 17
steve irwin video 13
watch steve irwin death video 10

Why doncha watch some nice Star Trek Slash Videos or sumpin’?

keep rocking, Lebanon!

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In a followup to this post of mine, Ahmad over at Cold Desert has posted a couple more liquor ads. It’s amazing how patriotic a good marketing company can make getting pissed, eh? We saw it here first, but these guys just don’t stop! They may be hungover, but they’re still on the ball; still, there goes the sales in Southern Florida.

Check out the latest Absolut ads in Beirut:

absolut return

and

absolut determination

Rebuilding a country is thirsty work. Man, I could really use a drink right now…

for medicinal purposes only

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 Shake it up, baby now!

W.C. Fields claimed he only drank brandy as a cure for the bite of a venomous snake, which, he said, “I also keep handy.” But, as always, we must look to James Bond for true leadership, yea, even in the field of medical mixology.

Canadian researchers decided to see if martinis had anything to do with Bond’s apparent good health — remember he was Bond. James Bond.cleared for duty by a medical professional in The World Is Not Enough. The researchers’ objectives: “As Mr Bond is not afflicted by cataracts or cardiovascular disease, an investigation was conducted to determine whether the mode of preparing martinis has an influence on their antioxidant capacity.”

The experiment found that shaken martinis contain more antioxidants than the stirred variety, and antioxidants have been shown to help ward off cancer and other common killers like heart disease.

the Yellow Submarine

And unlike in Ogden Nash‘s famous poem, it is the vermouth.

There is something about a Martini,
A tingle remarkably pleasant;
A yellow, a mellow Martini;
I wish I had one at present.
There is something about a Martini,
Ere the dining and dancing begin,
And to tell you the truth,
It is not the vermouth
–I think that perhaps it’s the gin.

Ogden Nash

September Shebeen Club: Making the Most of a Writers’ Conference

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kc dyerFor immediate release: post/forward at will!

Who: The Shebeen Club presents kc dyer, author of the Eagle Glen Trilogy

What: Making the Most of a Writers’ Conference!

When: 7-10 pm Tuesday, September 19th, 2006
Meet & Mingle 7:00-8
Listen & Learn 8-8:30
Trililoquizing and behaving like Young Adults 8:30-10

Where: The Shebeen, behind the Irish Heather, 217 Carrall

Why: Because we’ve got the Word on the Street, Surrey International Writers’ Conference, Vancouver Writers’ and Readers’ Festival, and Jewish Book Festival all coming up in the next six weeks!

Because if there’s a writer in this hemisphere that knows how to get the most out of a conference, it is kc dyer. She works a lunch table full of strangers like nobody else!

It seems but yesterday she was a dewy-eyed newbie accepting the Special Achievement Award at the SIWC, and now she’s seized absolute control as next year’s coordinator. Since that distant day, she’s found time to run the SIWC’s (huge) annual writing competition as well as become an integral part of the North Vancouver literary community. Somehow, she’s also managed to complete her acclaimed Eagle Glen trilogy for young adults, develop teaching materials for the books, and begin a fourth novel. Her books are: SHADES OF RED, SECRET OF LIGHT & SEEDS OF TIME, all published by The Dundurn Group.

How (much)? $15 before September 16, $20 thereafter, includes your choice of bangers and mash or vegetarian pasta, plus a glass of beer or wine; networking over food is a key conference skill!

Reservations and media inquiries: lorraine.murphyatgmaildotcom

Bio: kc dyer (www.kcdyer.com) was born in Calgary, and after a peripatetic decade or two now lives with her children (and other animals) north of Vancouver, British Columbia, where she works as a freelance writer. kc is the author of a number of books for young adults that are published in North America and the UK. Having a secret fondness for inducing nausea in teens, she can often be found sharing some of the greatest grotesque moments in history with large groups of high school students. Unable to see the folly of her ways, she continues to write and most days can be found sitting at her desk, staring out the window and trying to think of the perfect word.

the ultimate blog posts

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TIAThis is a clever strategy to promote your blog: tell anyone who will listen that you were a guest blogger on one of the most popular blogs, and given how pathetic the search boxes are on most of them, corroboration, if it existed, would be impossible to find anyway.

So Wired has done a handy-dandy list of the ultimate blog posts for each of the top blogs, sorta like that time I pitched the Province on the “single welfare foster mom of Aboriginal, dyslexic pit bull orphans wins lottery, gets impregnated by Brad Pitt, steals car from Surrey mall” story, and it shouldn’t be long now until she finally manifests and I can write the damn thing.

Ultimate blog post for raincoaster: Cthulhu rises from Rl’yeh, exposes Stephen Harper as an inhuman Fungi from Yuggoth and destroys him, all slavering right-wingers awake from their mind controlled walking comas, surviving Watergate Plumbers drop dead from the shock, worldwide communal anarchy is declared; the YouTube video (soundtrack by Nine Inch Nails, bonus appearance by the Monkees)

While blogging has only reached prominence in the last few years, it was actually invented by the ancient Romans who built a majestic blog in 200 BC from marble, granite and links they stole from the Greeks.

“Blog” itself is short for “weblog,” which is short for “we blog because we weren’t very popular in high school and we’re trying to gain respect and admiration without actually having to be around people.”

Creating your own blog is about as easy as creating your own urine, and you’re about as likely to find someone else interested in it…

blogdogs

Boing Boing: Crocheted replica of subway map cracks DRM on collection of old video games.

Kottke: Elwin Festerator is the unsung inventor of the curly telephone cord. “I looked at a straight telephone cord, and I asked myself, Elwin, why can’t that be curly? So I went out and got my brand-new curling gun, and I curled the hell out of it.” Related link: New Yorker article on the Olympic curling team.

Daily Kos: Bush caught in three-way with Ann Coulter and Rush Limbaugh.

Little Green Footballs: Bush enjoys triumphant three-way with Ann Coulter and Rush Limbaugh.

Gawker: Paris Hilton does pretty much anything.

Cute Overload: A kitten licks a puppy while the puppy licks a bunny.

Fleshbot: Same as Cute Overload, only with coeds.

MAKE blog: How to create a nuclear accelerator using a Flash drive, a Commodore 64 and a guy named Roger.

Metafilter: Unhelpful link text. Extra links added for padding that have little to do with the main topic of the entry. Are extremely loaded rhetorical questions the only thing that can save us now?

It’s a blog, Metafilterites. What do you think?