Damn Beaver Dam Beaver Snatcher Snatched

Beaver alert! Don't let him get too close!

Lodged at the jail till further notice. From the Fond du Lac Reporter, via Fark.

A 27-year-old Beaver Dam man charged with groping two Beaver Dam police officers has been bound over for trial.

Benjamin L. Greenleaf faces three counts of felony bail-jumping, three misdemeanor counts of fourth-degree sexual assault and three counts of disorderly conduct stemming from two incidents during a party on Dec. 8 at a Beaver Dam residence.

It’s a little-known fact that “Fond du Lac” actually translates as “Lake of Fondlers,” a reference to the original Ojibway name for the area, “Ophissurgr Oper,” meaning “place where I totally felt up the Great Beaver.”

Yvonne de Carlo/Peggy Yvonne Middleton, RIP

Yvonne de Carlo, Vancouverite

Decades after ensuring her place in immortality by playing the captivating vampiress Lily Munster, Yvonne de Carlo, Great Vancouverite, Great Canadian, and even better Eccentric Hollywood Diva, has transcended life. No word on the stake/cross/garlic situation, but it can’t hurt to take any chances.

She would expect it of you, fandom!

…for TV viewers, she will always be known as Lily Munster in the 1964-1966 slapstick horror-movie spoof “The Munsters.” The series (the name allegedly derived from “fun-monsters”) offered a gallery of Universal Pictures grotesques, including Dracula and Frankenstein‘s monster, in a cobwebbed gothic setting.

Lily, vampire-like in a black gown, presided over the faux scary household and was a rock for her gentle but often bumbling husband, Herman, played by 6-foot-5-inch character actor Fred Gwynne (decked out as the Frankenstein monster).

While it lasted only two years, the series had a long life in syndication and resulted in two feature movies, “Munster Go Home!” (1966) and “The Munsters’ Revenge.” (1981, for TV).

At the series’ end, De Carlo commented: “It meant security. It gave me a new, young audience I wouldn’t have had otherwise. It made me `hot’ again, which I wasn’t for a while.”

Lily Munster

“I think she will best remembered as the definitive Lily Munster. She was the vampire mom to millions of baby boomers. In that sense, she’s iconic,” Burns said Wednesday.

“But it would be a shame if that’s the only way she is remembered. She was also one of the biggest beauty queens of the `40s and `50s, one of the most beautiful women in the world. This was one of the great glamour queens of Hollywood, one of the last ones.”

Among de Carlo‘s famed eccentricities were her love of cars (she bought, and frequently drove, the Munstermobile) , her distain for common discretion (in her autobiography she definitely did worse than kiss and tell; she fucked and published!), her hobby of phoning the police to make frivolous complaints just to pass the time (famously, “Mexicans are hanging from my trees!“), and the fact that she is the only Hollywood leading lady to have a trailer park named after her. None of it really surprising, considering the way she came into the world.

On September 1, 1922 Mrs. Marie De Carlo Middleton, minutes away from giving birth, was at St. Paul’s Hospital in Vancouver being attended to by two nurses because the doctor hadn’t arrived yet. The nurses said later that, as Mrs. Middleton was being shifted onto the delivery table, she was shouting, “I want a girl. It must be a girl. I want a dancer!

She got her wish and more. Her daughter, Margaret Yvonne Middleton—later to become Yvonne De Carlo—would become not just a dancer, but a singer, an actress and—in 1945—was named The Most Beautiful Girl in the World.

But her most marked characteristic, late in life, was her habit of phoning reporters to correct them when they had (as they frequently had) reported her to be dead. Apparently, it was quite common for her to have to phone the papers two or three times a month, as she was both diligent in keeping up her reputation as a living legend and a woman who could afford the services of a good clippings bureau. To Spy magazine, she noted that not only was she not dead, but that there really had been Mexicans in her trees, now that you mention it.

Taking the already surreal and turning the weirdness up a notch, today Defamer, the premier gossip website of professional Hollywood (The Industry, if you will) has reported the death of Miss de Carlo. Miss de Carlo is dead: to begin with. There is no doubt whatever about that. The register of her burial was signed by the clergyman, the clerk, the undertaker, and the chief mourner. Wikipedia signed it.

Miss de Carlo is as dead as a door-nail.

The trouble is, she has been as dead as a door-nail, or coffin nail if you prefer, for 2 days and counting. As far as we know, she could be on her fifth victim!

Have I told you that this is what ALL Vancouverites look like first thing in the morning?

quiz: if you were actually important, who would you be?

Ah, the answer I was expecting. All things in time, mortals; all things in time.

You scored as Ruler of the World. Well, it’s almost as good as mine. Congratulations, and I hope you manage to assassinate everyone else who got this result.

Ruler of the World
 
100%
Homeless Guy
 
53%
Jesus – Wanna Be
 
47%
Jesus
 
40%
Stoner
 
33%
The next Hitler
 
27%

If you were actually important, who would you be?
created with QuizFarm.com

pic o’ the day: Gramma’s got a gun!

Gramma's got a gun! Everybody duck!

For those of you unfamiliar with the raincoaster gene pool, here is an introduction.

This is my grandmother, age ninety-something and legally blind in both eyes for more than ten years, blind in one eye since D-Day, enjoying an afternoon’s shooting out at my cousin’s house. That is my cousin helping her hold up the rifle. The family that slays together stays together.

Note, if you will, that the propane tank is between the muzzle of the gun and the turkeys in the next field she is aiming for! Let it not be said that we are a race of namby-pamby risk hedgers.

THEY ARE WATCHING!

The military/industrial complex loves me, this I know, for Tony Blair tells me so. Terrorists to him belong: they are weak but he is strong.

Sound familiar?

THEY are watching!

Look familiar?

Never Forget

Never forget: we once walked on our own two feet instead of on our knees.