Boy, oh Boytaur!

house-of-mirrors

Um. Wow.

And I’m not even sure if that’s in a good or bad way.

No. No, I am sure.

It’s both. As in, I think when I looked at this my brain was broken into tiny pieces, but I kind of liked it. And that’s probably illegal, somewhere.

Boytaur.net.

Surprisingly few Harry Hamlins or even Harryhausens, all things considered. Pervs nowadays just have no sense of tradition!

I should explain.

After all, that’s what the blog is for: for you to come here and have bizarre things explained by me, as if they were entirely normal and if you were raincoaster, they would be, trust me. Remember, a poisonous spider bit me once and it died. We are very far indeed through the looking-glass here at the ol’ raincoaster blog, yessir.

One of the first blogs I really became addicted to was an innocent little cooperative blog called Chimera House. There were five or six posters there, and although at first it was confusing, eventually it became clear to me that all of these people lived in the same house and had schedules which never overlapped, so they were using the blog as a digital way of leaving notes on the kitchen table for one another. So far, so simple.

So you’d think.

a Palace of Mirrors is a strange place to feel alone

Now, as anyone who’s ever lived with roommates knows, things can get heated, especially when one has to rely on the old note-leaving thing, and it doesn’t help when they’re posted on some server in Cupertino or wherever and getting a couple of hundred hits a day, either. Things did, indeed, get heated, heated to an extent far beyond anything Gawker or most of the civilized world‘s ever seen. Two of the posters ended up having an affair and then a nasty breakup when the girl switched to sleeping with a different roomie and leaving him heated mash notes on the blog for all to see and then deciding she might be lesbian after all, since it was “less work”. But this was as nothing compared to the drama when a clueless outsider appeared and the talk on the blog was all, should we let him post or not, and all he doesn’t know and what he doesn’t know won’t hurt him, but then ultimately it became clear to everyone that, as much as they were having a blast ragging on him in the blog, it was just not practical to have one roomie so out of the loop, so they looped him in.

And at that point the blog began to get, in the way that blogs that are microcosms of society will eventually get, a little bit of what you’d call media attention.

At which point, the blog owner made a new Page explaining that this was the blog of a person with multiple personality disorder and it was the way that all the various personalities, who obviously could not communicate face-to-face, would keep in touch. The blogger said, I am a person who is like this; some people consider it a disorder, but I’ve recognized it and learned ways to manage things so that while the situation isn’t resolving to anything approaching normalcy, it’s working for us. So the rest of you can just fuck off.

Which I thought was pretty damn sane.

Which brings us, in a roundabout way, to Boytaurs. See, Furries are one thing, and costumes are all very amusing for awhile and so on, but the thing about Boytaurism, if I may coin a term, is that it refuses to be constrained at all. You’re not zipped into some cheap fursuit that smells faintly of chemicals and strongly of the guy who sold it to you on eBay. You’re not wearing a corset you can’t wait to rip off at the end of the night. Boytaurs and their ilk exist completely online; they are avatars in the purest sense of the word. You can literally be any form you want in the boytaur universe, although you’re obviously going to be more popular if you have a face like Orlando Bloom and a body like David Beckham (with some extra legs or a tail or whatever). And you know what? You can have those things. Who needs a magic wand when you’ve got photoshop, eh? Zeta Male no more, in the universe of your own creation.

Silhouette Centaur is the SFWest thing on that site

So, what is a boytaur?

boy·taur \’boi-tawr\ n 1 : a guy with four (or more) legs 2 : a guy with any of a variety of multilimb or other transformations 3 : a guy who enjoys the company of boytaurs, and is thus a boytaur in spirit

There’s something wildly, almost primally, attractive about a guy with four legs: the crowding of long, sculpted thigh muscle, the four calf muscles bobbing and working in rhythm with his four-legged walk, the four strong male feet supporting his powerful boytaur body. Boytaurs know this attraction well, and it is our constant joy, both to have and to share.

Of course, many boytaurs don’t stop with four legs. Some add more legs, going six-legged or more. Some add extra arms. And many, enjoying all their boytaur feet, decide to go wristfooted as well.

Other boytaurs have completely different transformations, or none at all, but are still boytaurs in spirit, enjoying their augmented bodies, and sharing that joy freely. boytaur.net is dedicated to helping that sharing go on across the internet, all around the world.

Brought to you via AtomicFez, the only person on the internet whose surfing habits are even stranger than mine.

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Dancing Kitten Unicorn Chaser

By now, all our loyal readers should be familiar with the concept of the Unicorn Chaser. And, after the last 48 hours, I dunno about you, but I could sure use one. Here, therefore and thereunto and tho on, is a unicorn chaser composed of synchronized, dancing Burmese kittens. Or maybe Himilayan kittens. I dunno, I’m sure some undersocialized Metafilterite will be along shortly with the correct answer.

National Cleavage Day

That caught your attention, didn’t it?

Well, yesterday really was National Cleavage Day in South Africa, presumably the only podunk nation/state that Wonderbra could talk into this pulchritudinous publicity stunt. Which is not to say we look upon it as a cynically synthetic corporate holiday (although we do) but rather to say we think that Wonderbra is picking a nation that needs all the help it can get, seriously.

When was the last time you heard of a Playboy Bunny from South Africa? Come on, try. And have you eyeballed Winnie Mandela? The woman’s waist outmeasures her boobage by nearly two to one. I know middle-aged basement-dwelling geeks who have three cup sizes on her, and they’re men!

Speaking of which, it’s time to address the sexism inherent in a National Cleavage Day which includes only potential consumers of the Wonderbra. Surely we should, in the name of fairness, open it up to potential consumers of the Brossiere as well. And among those, there is one clear winner.

Yes, ladies and gentlemen and those of both genders who are less than ladylike or gentlemanly, the best chest in the world belongs to one person, and one person only, and that person does not use a Wonderbra.

Hugh Jackman, the perfect chest

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Why Online Dating Never Works Out

Because this is where it starts, people. And it doesn’t get any prettier from there.

On the plus side, he does say you can still fuck other guys when you’re dating him. Because…well…you’d probably prefer to.

Barbie, Girl! The Barbie Fashion Show

cross-posted from TeenyManolo, because this is too good not to share

How many Barbie-related posts have there been by that title? Surely they number in the thousands, for Barbara Millicent Rogers is the most famous doll the world has ever seen, and in a world of implants and lipo, Ken Paves extensions and MAC cosmetics, what’s historically understood to be the Barbie look is more attainable than ever before.

For good or ill.

But on the Good side of the equation, we grown women can now purchase actual clothes inspired by Barbie and – wait, wait, come back YOU HAVE TO SEE THESE! – they’re actually quite lovely.

For Barbie’s 50th birthday, Mattel commissioned some of the top designers in the world to make Barbie-inspired outfits: Past Barbie, Present Barbie, or Future Barbie, and these, shown Saturday at New York Fashion Week, were the result. Yes, Barbie finally had a full-on fashion show, complete with swag bag. Despite the sneers of a few hardened cynics, the collection was generally well-received.

All photos by my homeboy Kris Krug of Static Photography.

Past Barbie had some snappy, sexy outfits in the Marilyn Monroe vein:

Barbie

Lyn Devon for Barbie. Past Barbie rocked the Black and White hard!

Mystery Designer Barbie look

I don’t know who designed this one but I WANT it!

A classic Barbie Look

A classic Barbie look, and one I could really use for this Thursday. Hmmmm…

Is this Bruce Oldfield?

Not sure if this is Past or Present Barbie, but it’s very reminiscent of early Bruce Oldfield, before he hooked up with Princess Diana and became all about the bling. I’d wear this every damn day if I could afford the cleaning bill, and that goes DOUBLE for the hat.

Moving into Present Barbie era, the colours are softer and there’s enough pink to satisfy even Carey Hart. Am I just old-fashioned, or are the clothes less wearable? Because I do indeed wear a lot of cocktail dresses, but I prefer the kind that stay closed until you decide to open them and whose hems don’t come infused with antigravity devices.

The Barbiest Barbie of them all

Juicy Couture, but you could probably tell without reading. This girl has to be the Barbiest Barbie in the entire show, and the hair and makeup are perfect. But…is she wearing stencilled socks with open-toed pumps? Whiskey Tango Foxtrot, I don’t think even a Betsey Johnson Barbie would wear those!

Barbie in modern times

ThreeAsFour, and easily an eight in my book. The Big Hair is just Too Big, of course, but I might dig out the mousse and see what I can do in the way of a modified Barbie Do. What else am I gonna do with it, use it as improvised weather stripping?

It's KEN!

Kenneth Cole did Ken (so to speak). If black tie with jeans is wrong, I don’t want to be right!

Future Barbie needs a blue eyeshadow intervention, but the clothes were imaginative, sexy and generally wearable, if you happen to be an ageless plastic doll whose life is a cross between a Monte Carlo cabaret and a Malibu beach party.

The fiercest bitch in the squaredancing club

You can just tell, she’s the fiercest bitch in the square dancing club.

Cher Barbie?

Bob Mackie. Of course! I love this, it’s just so completely Cher Starring As Crazy Horse Stripper Barbie.

And last but not least, the finale, in which each model re-emerged, holding the hand of a little girl wearing a Barbie t-shirt and a coloured tutu, while heart-shaped confetti fell from the ceiling and digital fireworks went off in the background.

Barbie Fashion Show Finale