mummified fairy remains found!!!

This is totally legit.

dead fairy closeup

In news bound to rock doctrinaire Evolutionistas everywhere, another set of ancient fairy remains has been found. Assiduous readers of the ol’ raincoaster blog will recall our original reporting on the fossil fairy of Coney Island, which we broke to the larger world several months ago, much to the consternation of the scientific orthodoxy.

Now comes breaking news from Derbyshire, via Neatorama, that the mummified remains of several authentic flower fairies have been located in a barrow somewhere in the countryside. The exact site is being kept secret for obvious reasons; there is no knowing what shameful lengths the charlatans in lab coats might go to in order to erase this stunning blow to their orthodoxy.

The proof is undeniable:

dead fairy autopsy

The 2inch remains complete with wings; skin, teeth, and flowing red hair have been examined by anthropologists and forensic experts who can confirm that the body is genuine. X-rays of the “fairy” reveal an anatomically identical skeleton to that of a child. The bones, however, are hollow like those of a bird making them particularly light. The puzzling presence of a navel evne suggests that the beings reproduce the same as humans despite the absence of reproductive organs.

Well, I’d like to see what the “scientific community” can set against that kind of proof, eh? Try your darndest, you godless heathens! Just look at that photo; it’s even got a Police Evidence Bag and latex gloves! You can’t get much more official than that! Ha! I say again, HA!

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cartoon o’ the day: squid poker

Slipperier than strip poker, but you start naked and slimy. Subtle difference…

Squid Poker

via Pharyngula

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Operation Global Media Domination: BoingBoingSplat

the crew of the good ship BoingBoing 

I finally get my link. After what, a year of praying and sitting through interminable load times (honestly, the website is mostly space; what could take it so damn long to load? Is it all the felt clogging the tubes of the internets?) and interminable billions of posts about Disney’s bloody Haunted Mansion and godawful felt crafts of the neo-repulsive school, I finally got a link on BoingBoing.

Sing Hallelulia! Let all creation sing,
That raincoaster from obscurity has risen,
Glory to the Boing!
Sound jubilation! Let every bell ring clear,
And joyous peals proclaim the message,
Our pwnage of Technorati is here.

Or not: One hit.

Ou sont les A-List Coattails d’antan?

Perhaps panda poo paper just isn’t popular? I even had to replace all the images because this was during the great Photobucket bandwidth blankout of 2007, not that we’re complaining. That would be so unlike us.

Oh, very well; the detail-oriented and sharp of memory among you will recall that we made it once before. All I can say to that is that the halflife of celebrity is clearly short online. In that case, I submitted the story and so my link was on there from the get-go, even if it wasn’t the go-to link. In this case, I submitted an addendum to a several-hours-old post, from which I conclude that BoingBoing readers read it pretty much in realtime, so if you want the glory and the kingdom, for ever and ever, or even for long enough for Technorati to pick up the link, you need to be the submitter of the link in the first place.

Timeliness: just what has been so difficult around these parts lately. I have learned, over the past two weeks of having a roommate, that I am willing to share space. I am willing to share food. I am willing to share even toothbrushes, okay, no, but almost. Point is: I’m fine with sharing most things. But sharing the internet connection, as in he has it some of the time and I have it some of the time?

No.

When you pair that with the fact that he’s an internationally known raw food chef whom I have allowed for the sake of experiment to put me on a special green smoothie juice fast just to see if there’s really anything in this chlorophyll hokum, and that green smoothie fasts apparently make me homicidally enraged from the moment I awake to the moment I lose consciousness, raining curses down upon the heads of my enemies as I drift off to sleep, and furthermore that I am PMSing at the moment, you’ll see that something had to give, and that it sure as hell wasn’t going to be me. Sic transit gorilla mozilla.

Cthulhu Tract

So the router he got seems to work well. We’ve even got our first pirate leeching off the signal, but as long as I can blog, I care not. Share the wireless luv! Information wants to be free!

Also, so do gastrointestinal systems. If I had any cash I’d hit the brunch buffet at Griffin’s like it’s never been hit before! As it is, I intend to scramble eggs with gorgonzola cheese and wash it down with a latte, then follow that up with pan fries. WITH ketchup and Tabasco. Sic transit gloria chorophyll.

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the Right Honourable Dr Gordon Brown MP, Chancellor of the Exchequer, picks his nose and eats it

That’s basically it. Gordon Brown, Chancellor (=Finance Minister), sits on-camera behind Tony Blair on the day he is to present his new budget and slowly and methodically picks his nose and eats it, over a period of two excruciatingly long minutes. Quite frankly, I couldn’t make it all the way to the end; I thought he was going to break through to his brain case any second. Maybe he thinks it comes under “recycling” and is a new green initiative?

Hat tip to Guido, who put the creative choice of soundtrack to it and who’s been up to much interesting stuff while I’ve been quietly starving from lack of Internet and fattening foods.

Note to self: juice fasts make me homicidally enraged. Remember to fast before confronting enemies; also, can hide the bodies in my now-baggy clothes.

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the return of eteraz

Oh! Oh!I was going to change these lyrics, but they’re pretty much perfect as-is, except for that unfortunate side effect of dating me severely. Uh, I learned the theme to Welcome Back Kotter on Nick at Nite, okay?

In any case, eteraz was one of the first people who got a Welcome to the Blogroll post here at the ol’ raincoaster blog, a worthwhile activity we have since become to lazy to keep up, so it is only right and fitting that we give him a big hand upon his inevitable return from the massive eteraz.org project to the ranks of us personal rant bloggers. Blogs are just crack for cheap people; once a blogger, always a blogger.

Welcome Back, Eteraz

Welcome back,
Your dreams were your ticket out.

Welcome back,
To that same old place that you laughed about.

Well the names have all changed since you hung around,
But those dreams have remained and they’re turned around.

Who’d have thought they’d lead ya (Who’d have thought they’d lead ya)
Back here where we need ya (Here where we need ya)

Yeah we tease him a lot cause we’ve got him on the spot, welcome back,
Welcome back, welcome back, welcome back.

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