Bar none. From TMZ.
Victoria Beckham blah blah shopping blah L.A. blah blah Friday. Blah blah!
…Posh, 33, blah blah Kitson — blah blah purple dress blah, Spice blah blah photogs blah blah blah blah!
Paparazzi crush blah blah Robertson Blvd., blah blah emaciated blah blah blonde bob blah blah blah. Blah!
Sheer Genius! Also: 33? O rly??? See the site for the several PAGES of comments this post generated!
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Look, people, it’s FAKE. It’s not her. Now will you please either go away or read more posts on the blog?
Seriously, 960 hits yesterday, 998 hits the day before, just through searches for “Britney Spears Sex Tape” for which it appears I google rather highly (higher, indeed, than my sources).
Too bad posts tagged “Porn” don’t get counted in Top Posts; I’d own that damn list. Also: innnnnneresting that men surf for porn more on long weekends. Must be spending all that time with the family that does it!
My hits overall are up, but the fact is these literal wankers are not hanging around to contribute to the kaliedoscope of wonderment that is the ol’ raincoaster blog, nossir; they are wimping out limping out and backing out and going back to, presumably, their mothers’ basements to assuage their undying existential pain by giving it up the butt to their stuffed Wookiee yet another bleak and pointless night.
I get the sense they’re not really Digging me! Submit to raincoaster!!! If you do, she might just find a way to give you control of Britney Spears’ Sex Tape after all!
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Yes, the poor boy is in need of help. I don’t think the buzz cut he eventually went with was the very best choice for him, but it beats this: the next step would be tying those bangs up with some ribbon in a little pouf. Not the look you’re going for, buddy.
and here’s a little soundtrack I found from Rockabye Baby! Lullaby Renditions of Nine Inch Nails by Alex Gibson
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Stole this one from Defamer, who stole the pic from Towelroad. Take this adorable picture of Cute Overload-level scrumptious sweetie Jake Gyllenhaal napping on a train and use your lolgoth-honed skillz to photoshop additional and preferably amusing things to it.
The #1 thing I’d want to put on Jakeypoo is, of course, myself, but that might startle the poor lad into wakefulness. Them tentacles is a-cold!
Let’s see what ya got. Because you can’t post images in comments, drop a link to the sordid product of your twisted desires and we shall happily post it here, properly blam- Attributed! As always, the prize is eternal raincoastery glory in all its tentacled fabulousness, rather than, say, cash or actual proximity to said Jakeypoo.
He’s mine, he is!
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raincoaster 