Okay, so I’m pimping out a total stranger. I’d feel worse about it if it weren’t a stranger who was already advertising for companionship on Craigslist. Sue me; it didn’t say “do not forward/repost.” Those restrictions are, of course, sacred to me, as they should be to all right-thinking and discreet peoples.

So I find out, via Defamer, that this guy (and it is a guy, and furthermore an allegedly straight, single, blue-eyed blond one at that!) is a screenwriter type who needs a date for the Oscars. Writing Dreamworks off entirely, he asks that the date be of the opposite sex, and who are we to suggest otherwise, although rigidity in these matters is not exactly, shall we say, indicative of having the right DNA for Hollywood.

We at the ol’ raincoaster blog are here to help. Behold the original posting with contact deets:

Hello,

It looks like due to a huge screenwriting windfall they want to give me 2 tickets to the Oscars. Being single right now means, yes, I need a date. So I thought I’d try to find a “real” date with someone outside my ususal circle of friends.

I’m 38, successful, I’m told I’m good looking, blondish hair with blue eyes, 185 pounds and 6 feet tall. The only thing I ask is that you can be discrete [sic] when staring at celebrities, and of course don’t be embarrassing while we are at the after-parties. Drunk is fine (and fun), embarrassing is not. [ed- I think I’m in love]

I’d think we should meet up before for a drink and see if we hit it off. Please send a couple pictures when you reply, not just asking me to send one first. I posted this weeks ago and ended up with someone who flaked.

Thanks!

Location: Beverly Hills

Reply to: pers-280353013 at craigslist.org

Well, what are you waiting for?

Defamer commenter and talented researcher Adele H has thoughtfully made a list of all the nominated writers, which we paste here with links to whatever images we can find, for blond-blue-eyedness-comparison purposes:

“Borat Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan” (20th Century Fox)
Screenplay by Sacha Baron Cohen & Anthony Hines & Peter Baynham & Dan Mazer
Story by Sacha Baron Cohen & Peter Baynham & Anthony Hines & Todd Phillips
“Children of Men” (Universal)
Screenplay by Alfonso Cuarón & Timothy J. Sexton and David Arata and Mark Fergus & Hawk Ostby
“The Departed” (Warner Bros.)
Screenplay by William Monahan
“Little Children” (New Line)
Screenplay by Todd Field & Tom Perrotta
“Notes on a Scandal” (Fox Searchlight)
Screenplay by Patrick Marber
Original screenplay
“Babel” (Paramount and Paramount Vantage)
Written by Guillermo Arriaga
“Letters from Iwo Jima” (Warner Bros.)
Screenplay by Iris Yamashita
Story by Iris Yamashita & Paul Haggis
“Little Miss Sunshine” (Fox Searchlight)
Written by Michael Arndt
“Pan’s Labyrinth” (Picturehouse)
Written by Guillermo del Toro
“The Queen” (Miramax, Pathé and Granada)
Written by Peter Morgan 

Too bad all the good-looking ones are not blond (or are invisible to Google; assistants, get posting those headshots to IMDB, stat!).

There: don’t say I never did nuthin’ for ya. In case it goes well, you should know that I LOVE weddings…so save me an invitation. I promise not to sell the location to Rupert Murdoch.

I’d liveblog it instead.

Of course, if that doesn’t work for the lad, there’s always Castadate:

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