if men wrote advice columns

Is that a skyscraper in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?from Fark. This is just too amusing not to post. If you don’t get the joke, something tells me you’ve got that Y-chromosome mutation.

Q: My husband wants to have a threesome with me and my best friend.

A: Obviously your husband cannot get enough of you! Knowing that there is only one of you he can only settle for the next best thing your best friend. Far from being an issue, this can bring you closer together. Why not get some of your old college roommates involved too? If you are still apprehensive, maybe you should let him be with your friends without you. If you’re still not sure then just perform oral sex on him and cook him a nice meal while you think about it.

Q: My husband continually asks me to perform oral sex on him.

A: Do it. Semen can help you lose weight and gives a great glow to your skin. Interestingly, men know this. His offer to allow you to perform oral sex on him is totally selfless. This shows he loves you. The best thing to do is to thank him by performing it twice a day; then cook him a nice meal.

Q: My husband always has an orgasm then rolls over and goes to sleep without giving me one.

A: I’m not sure I understand the problem. Perhaps you’ve forgotten to cook him a nice meal.

More here.

TWAT: new crime, flying while brown

Raise fears, sink foes!

Rohinton Mistry had the right idea years ago; after being body-searched one too many times, he simply refused ever to fly into or through the United States again.

But it’s not just the US. Let’s go to BoingBoing for the report of panic-striken Brits fingering each other at airports. Although we could go anywhere in the blogosphere, really. This is major, major news.

Two brown men were forced off a plane by a bunch of non-brown British passengers who became convinced that they were behaving suspiciously and were therefore terrorists. Shocking — who’d have thought that putting signs everywhere telling you that you were in danger of terrorists and that terrorists were everywhere and that you should look out for suspicious terrorism behavior would turn normal people into witch-hunting racist mobs?

scared shitless and Proud!

The extraordinary scenes happened after some of the 150 passengers on a Malaga-Manchester flight overheard two men of Asian appearance apparently talking Arabic. Passengers told cabin crew they feared for their safety and demanded police action. Some stormed off the Monarch Airlines Airbus A320 minutes before it was due to leave the Costa del Sol at 3am. Others waiting for Flight ZB 613 in the departure lounge refused to board it…

Websites used by pilots and cabin crew were yesterday reporting further incidents. In one, two British women with young children on another flight from Spain complained about flying with a bearded Muslim even though he had been security-checked twice before boarding.

Link

Ahmed Farooq, the hottie doctorNow let’s look a little closer to home. Winnipeg, in fact, where we meet hottie doctor Ahmed Farooq, who was kicked off a flight for praying.

Naturally, the hotel room he where he had to spend the night, plus the flight home the next day, were out-of-pocket expenses that for which the airline takes no responsibility.

A Winnipeg doctor is demanding an official apology and compensation from United Airlines after being kicked off a flight in the U.S. this week, an incident he has characterized as “institutionalized discrimination.”   Dr. Ahmed Farooq, a Muslim, was escorted off an airplane in Denver on Tuesday. 

According to Farooq, reciting his evening prayers was interpreted by one passenger as an activity that was suspicious…

Farooq said the allegation came from a passenger who appeared drunk and had previously threatened him during the trip.

When flight personnel were alerted, the 27-year-old radiology resident and two colleagues — a man and a woman — were taken off their flight. They had been returning from a conference in San Francisco.

Farooq said that even officials from the Transportation Security Administration soon realized the flight crew had overreacted, but by the time that conclusion had been reached the trio were forced to stay in Denver for the night and catch a flight the next day — at their own expense.

“There’s no recourse,” Farooq said. “There’s no way to really be able to talk to anybody to really be able to reason it out. The police officers who talked to me afterwards and subsequent officials within the first three to five minutes, they were like, ‘You know what? The crew made a mistake. We apologize that they took you off. They overreacted.‘”  

Thank god I’m not tanned! But if I may be permitted this remark, I’d just like to say that, having checked out the picture, I wouldn’t mind detaining him…in my apartment!

how to build a honey trap for virgins

Does Google know their shit or what? These guys have demographics down to a scary science.

Here is their engineer-enticing display from a recent Star Trek convention.

E3!

Google duplicated the bridge of the fictional Starship Enterprise and embarked on a mission in Las Vegas to recruit engineers, at a gathering of cultish Star Trek devotees.

More than 10,000 fans of the Star Trek franchise that began with a television series debut in September of 1966 were expected by organisers to make pilgrimages to the official annual convention at the Las Vegas Hilton.

Oh yeah, this probably marks the only opportunity these guys will ever have to get inside a Hilton.

the only funny story about the War on Lebanon

No, really. I don’t care WHICH side you’re on, this is hilarious! I can just see all the soldiers of other armies, trying to convince the higher-ups that it should be mandatory for all female personnel, for defensive purposes. But seriously, what are they putting IN those things? Kwik-Kast?

Be all you can be...double D!

JERUSALEM (Reuters) – An Israeli woman’s breast implants saved her life when she was wounded in a Hizbollah rocket attack during Israel‘s war with the Lebanese group, a hospital spokesman said on Tuesday.

Doctors found shrapnel embedded in the silicone implants, just inches from the 24-year-old’s heart.

“She was saved from death,” said a spokesman for Nahariya Hospital in northern Israel. The woman has been released from hospital.

Funbags, not sandbags!

Operation Global Media Domination: Blackzilla, conqueror of blogs

TIACrushing all in its path, Blackzilla has taken giant strides to the head of the raincoaster blog, with over 100 google hits over the past two days. Darren and Joanne? Ovah. Beautiful Agony? Suffering. Mad mentos and diet coke Scientists? Sputtering out.

The upcoming newcomers, all of whom have had their thunder stolen by my several-days-old Blackzilla posting, include T.W.A.T. in the Air, which several clueless commentors failed to identify as a joke, thus making themselves into punchlines; the Canadian patriotic post Beaver Shots (inexplicable; whodathunk Canadians would be so popular, eh?); and We Are All Gwyneth, for who among us is not, really?