I don’t care what you think; Charo‘s greatest talent is flamenco guitar, and here is the proof. Although her ability to wear the hell out of a sequined orange pants suit should not be underestimated.
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Category Archives: Entertainment
Unspeakable Homes and Gardens
In-demand international businessman Abdul Nyarlathotep and his charming wife Shub Niggurath had never seen a challenge like the old Gloaming homestead, but, having once seen it, they knew they had to have it. Putting to good use all their famed persuasiveness, the duo finally convinced the eccentric recluse to let them take possession.
“Yes,” chuckles the dryly avuncular Nyarlathotep, “you could say we made him an offer he couldn’t refuse.”
The couple have previously given our readers tantalizing glimpses of the gardens and furnishings, but are now ready to reveal their elegant and eldritch abode to our eager cameras. As I liveblog this, my tummy is rumbling, for there is to be a buffet dinner party later, doubtless some marvelously exotic recipes they’ve picked up in their travels, and Mrs. Nyarlathotep has promised that, as her highly esteemed guests from Unspeakable Homes and Gardens, we will be eating first.
Mrs. Shub Niggurath Nyarlathotep
Dress by Asenath Waite, hat by The House of Rlyeh
Dress by Asenath Waite, hat by The House of Rlyeh
Stylist Walter Gilman describes the remarkable chapeau for us:
I sometimes compare the hat to prisms, labyrinths, clusters of cubes and planes, and Cyclopean buildings; and the organic things strike me variously as groups of bubbles, octopi, centipedes, living Hindoo idols, and intricate arabesques roused into a kind of ophidian animation. Also, I believe you can see a congeries of globes in there somewhere.
Quite so.
Mrs. Nyarlathotep, or Shub as she prefers to be called (“You can’t use the N-word, my dears, not in this country,” she explains, laughingly. “It’s considered unspeakable. I’ve always been unspeakable, really!”) leads us to the mansion’s ornate entrance. There will be a special service in the family chapel later, one to which we’ve wrangled a very exclusive invite.
“The ceremony is something very special, something we introduce to only a select few. You have been extremely helpful to us. Your articles have brought us many curious and innocent seekers after forbidden knowledge. You will be eating first,” Nyarlathotep reminds us, with just a hint of … is it a Texan accent we detect in the last sentence?
And now for some more photos:
The lovely exterior of the palatial Nyarlathotep residence. They’ve booked a choir to entertain their star-struck guests, most of whom shuffle forward in silence, jostling for position in the velvety darkness of the tropical night. It must be remarked that, from the flabby softness of the crushing bodies, this crowd can hardly be said to be fashionably fit. They are, however, wearing what appear to be carefully distressed and oddly bunched robes of earthy colours, perhaps Vivienne Westwood, John Galliano, or late Helmut Lang.
Well, wasn’t that…remarkable. If one were to hazard a guess, one would suggest that the distinctively dissonant melody had been composed by Diamanda Galas.
The interior of the house is beautifully accessorised, with throw rugs of amusingly faux alien hides and a wall of similarly ironic stuffed trophy heads, among them a very lifelike effigy of Andy Warhol.
“He was close to us, and we like to keep him there,” says Shub, reading over my shoulder. “‘Ironic.’ My dear, you have no idea. But you’ll see later…” she teases.
Got to go. It’s time for the service and then, the feast!
The Mark Lisanti Memorial Unicorn Post
Sad unicorn has a sad
Dignified Unicorn is Dignified, Inconsolable
Deadly Unicorn is working through the stages of grief
Ded Alicorn pulls a Jeremy Blake
Want to know what this is about? Click here. Or here. Or here for background.
Never let it be said that I failed to give myself the linkie luv.
Moar postes cummin as soon as A) the computer stops crashing, B) I get the Ayyy post done, and C) WordPress stops stripping out my P tags, dammit.
and now…
The Canadian Conspiracy
I see the NFB flick which originally exposed the Canadian Conspiracy has been expunged from public records, more thoroughly erased than the memory of that guy…that guy in Egypt…whatsisname. But where there’s a web, there’s a way. By painstaking restoration work and the spiriting of ancient parchments out of the National Archives where they lay, to all intents and purposes buried, expunged from the collective consciousness, we have brought the truth back into the light. Gaze upon our works, ye mighty, and despair.
From “The Canadian Conspiracy, ‘eh?“ [sic]
The foundations for the Canadian conquest of the American entertainment industry were laid in 1909 when “America’s Sweetheart” and Toronto, Ontario native Mary Pickford arrived in Hollywood on orders from Canadian Prime Minister Sir Wilfrid Laurier. Her plan was endear herself to the American populace through cinema and then use her clout to take over the industry. The plan was hugely successful as Mary Pickford climbed the social ladder to the top, marrying film celebrity and heart-throb Douglas Fairbanks in 1920. The United Artists studio was formed by Pickford, Fairbanks, D.W. Griffith and Charlie Chaplin in 1919. It was to be Pickford’s base of operations for her future plans of conquest. But Chaplin, an agent of Britain’s government, soon sensed something was amiss and moved to head off each of Pickford’s moves. A rift formed between the two, and between Canadian and British celebrities in Hollywood.
After losing his seat in the Canadian Parliament in 1911, future Canadian Prime Minister William Lyon Mackenzie King was employed for a short time by the Rockefeller Foundation in the United States. It was Sir Wilfrid Laurier’s last decree as Prime Minister that Mackenzie King use his new position to layout what would come to be known as “the Canadian Conspiracy”.
But the truth will out, no matter how politely, and so it is with the great Canadian Conspiracy. We, along with Gawker, Anonymous and the entity known only as extremelydusty, have banded together to ensure that the truth is never more forgotten.
Canadians are taking over the USA…the takeover of the American Media, in every possible form, has already been done.
The top bands Americans listen to nowadays are Canadian. The news they watch is controlled by Canadians.
The shows they watch are filled with references to Canada. Example: the producers of South Park and many of the actors, even though having an Anti-Canadian film, note that is actually an attack on America, and that many of the people who work with South Park are actually Canadian. Trey Parker and Matt Stone have said “We love Canada!”. The Simpsons, the biggest cartoon show on the planet, is the greatest example of the takeover. Homer Simpson is based off a Canadian. Canadian references are everywhere. In fact, Springfield could be actually based off the Canadian City “Ajax” in Ontario.
Over 20% of Hollywood is now Canadian. For example, the highest paid actor, and the funniest man on the planet, a proud Canadian and Toronto Maple Leafs fan, Jim Carrey, is a Canadian. Big hit rock bands, like Nickelback, make the top of America’s charts and control.
The North-West Passage
If I Had a Rocket Launcher
The War of 1812
Hail your lumberjack overlords, y’all!
* raincoaster acknowledges the ongoing indifference shown by the Government of Canada through The Canada Council for the Arts and the (non-existent) Blog Publishing Industry Development Program (BPIDP); and the Government of British Columbia through the BC Arts Council.
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raincoaster 