Category Archives: Entertainment

hello kitty, goodbye dignity

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Hello Latte There are some things no man can endure. Some punishments too gruesome to be permitted in a civilized society. Some concepts so horrible that the human soul itself shrivels and dies a little when forced to contemplate them.

This is one of those things.

Reuters reports that in benighted Thailand, where failure to reverencify the king will get you ten years (although, unlike Singapore, graffitification of cars will not get your caned ass featured in teary interviews on ABC) the police have instituted truly draconian measures for internal discipline.

Hello Kitty Crop CircleSloppy Bangkok policemen are being ordered to wear bright pink “Hello Kitty” armbands in a uniquely Thai twist to zero tolerance anti-crime initiatives used in New York.

Crime Suppression Division officers caught dropping litter, parking illegally or reporting late for work will get several days wearing the armbands, which come complete with the cute Japanese cat cartoon sitting on a pair of hearts.

Let’s just see these boys try to intimidate a perp now. “Hands up? Whatever! Ooooh, I’m scared; it’s Officer Friendly Kokko-chan!”

PS: how do you get an offending police officer into the back of the paddy wagon?

You pokemon.

Hello Kitty Ferrari

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alternate ending: Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire

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I like it: how about you? Surely any fan of the immortal Indiana Jones should prefer this, rather tidier ending to the least terminable book in the series.

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the metrosexual tarot deck

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What does the future hold for metrosexuals, other than steadily-declining fashionability and vague, doomed, and renumerative jobs in the Middle East? Oh, if only there were an oracle, a source of the wisdom and self-knowledge for which metrosexuals are so very not renowned.

Ladies and Gentlemen, presenting:

The Metrosexual Tarot Deck.

Metrosexual Barista Card

The Barista

The fool who makes your coffee languishes at the bottom of the metrosexual heap — shaggy hair, shabby chic, non-existent manicure. So why does he seem so serene and self-actualized? He makes a hundred drinks in a morning, yet he always remembers to make yours extra hot, with soy milk. At first you dismiss him as an overeducated joker. Before long, you realize he’s a nurturer, cheerleader, caffeinated shaman. What is it with this guy? Is he a graduate student? Does he play in a band, or what? You ask him, but he only smiles, and pulls another shot.

Meaning: Vision, flexibility, resourcefulness, travel.

Reversed: Indecision, with a change to come.

Go on, go on. Deck yourself out; deal yourself in. You know you want to. The Clubs are represented by Martini glasses, and the suits are Shoes, Potions, Forks, and Clubs! That is what I call playing with a full deck.

The Major Arcana, as if you pampered city dwellers couldn’t have already guessed, are:

The City (Seattle), The Loft, the Gay Pal, the Closet (no reason these are adjacent, none at all), The Personal Trainer, The Salon, Fabulousness, The Diet, The Gym, The DJ, Abs, the Designer, Therapy, The Barista, The Manicurist, Age, The Partners, The Sale, Prescriptions, Cocktails, The Stylist, and The Decorator.

Now I need a Ketel One Martini; I feel as if I just finished a Bret Easton Ellis novel. Do they still make those?

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rant o’ the day: engrish angst

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InsaneI love the “Next Blog” button on WordPress.com. I read the most interesting things that way. Today, after a far-too-long spell of nothing but missionary blog after mommy blog after missionary blog after mommy blog after real estate spammer, I came across the following, and let me tell you, it was refreshing.

In fact, it was so refreshing, let me tell you again.

It was refreshing.

There, I said it.

Well, it was.

I mean, how many “Gosh, Joe-Bob Junior is six months old today! I can hardly believe it, but it was his four month check up sixty days ago and I guess Susan’s mom says that makes it six months and Susan’s mom’s really smart. I hope I raise my youngsters like Susan’s mom. Susan turned out really cool. Not like me, lol, my mother would look at me and say “Your a mess” well i am, and i mean to lose this baby weight i WILL but it all takes time and meanwhile I am a BIG BEAUTIFUL WOMAN not some stick figure like those girls on the tee vee that Big Joe-Bob watches all the time,” can you really read without wanting to put your fist through the cathode ray tube and saw through your carotid artery with the shards of glass?

Not too many.

And along came this:

I want talk singlis and bad engrish today.

I grow so many fats. Now I like pig so fat like that. EEEEEEE. Last time I smile can see cheekbones, now see what? FATS. I go jogging jus now and I cannot run at all lor. My legs like make of metal like that.

Now I wan to slim down! ON DIET! But also mus exercise lor.

Anywayssxzxz, I sood be in GENTING NOW. But I in SINGAPORE!!! I HATE O’S AND PRELIMS!!!!!!!! dRiViNg mE cRaZyYyYy!!!!!!!

Yes, apparently they are.

But still, think about it. One of the things everyone slobbers all over Hemingway for is his unique use of language. And, really, it’s the only thing going for Dickens besides the broad appeal of mawkishness. This blog entry is, I suggest, as different from the run of the mill English you read as Runyon or Shakespeare, and possibly even Spencer.

And far more amusing.

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Henry Rollins, cyberpatriot

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Sometimes, there’s just no other words for it but “Baby Hewey-faced motherfuckers screwing over our country,” and no better messenger of the divine truth than Henry. Fucking. Rollins.

Selah.

Transcript coming soon. And yes, it must be admitted I got this from BoingBoing.

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