Build your own Bionic Woman: free after rebates!

Lindsay

Is this the right place to pass along the information that Angelina Jolie‘s pickup line used to be “five bucks if you can guess what’s real”?

Yes, yes it is.

In related news, the OSI, a branch of the CIA has released a statement via Funnimetrics indicating that, if you wait for the next 30% off sale at Future Shop or something and use all the rebate coupons that have been gathering dust on top of the tv, you can live every Seventies’ adolescent male’s dream and build your own bionic woman, FOR FREE!

For realz.

With the decreasing price of computer equipment and electronics in general, the parts for a bionic person, at one time a prohibitive six million dollars, now costs less that three hundred dollars. During sale weekends at Fry‘s electronics, the OSI claims it can lower that price to zero, or free (sales tax not included). The new motto for the bionic woman project will be, “better…stronger…faster…and cheaper…”

“I remember we had to buy this big Betamax VCR to observe Jamie and Austin’s training. That thing cost thousands…” said retired OSI head of bionic projects, Oscar Goldman.

The government study cost seven million dollars.

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Bill Gates on Manhunt? Pictures!

Sex-ay!

Bill Gates on Manhunt 1

 

Bill Gates on Manhunt 2

Vintage come-hither shots passed along by devblog. Which PR company thought these would be a good idea, I wonder? Snopes sez:

These images are actually publicity photos taken of the then 30-year-old Bill Gates coincident with the initial release of Microsoft Windows in 1985.   The Corbis photo archive identifies their depiction thusly: “Bill Gates, CEO of Microsoft, reclines on his desk in his office soon after the release of Windows 1.0. 1985 Bellevue, Washington, USA.” “

Actually, I’ve seen a lot worse. Been to Hunters and Gatherers yet? They’re doing for gay men what Fugly has done for ugly people; ripping them apart and laughing over the shredded remains. Actually, it’s just like being in a gay bar!

Strangely, I cannot actually find his Manhunt profile, nor lavalife, nor match.com; only MySpace. I feel so left out; nobody’s made a spoof MySpace for moi!

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the Trouble with Tribbles, by Edward Gorey

The Gorey Trouble with Tribbles

So, I guess this makes it official: tribbles are a meme. First there was the immortal Star Trek episode (and I’m sorry, but there was only one Star Trek) The Trouble With Tribbles. Then there was the immortal Internet sensation LolTrek. Now, renowned Gothic humourist and illustrator Edward Gorey brings us The Gorey Trouble with Tribbles, as channeled by Shaenon.

Well, they’re a helluva lot more intellectual than lolcats, it must be said.

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camel cheese: Miss Camel beauty pageant

You didn’t think there could be more on the scintillating topic of camel cheese, didja? But there iiiiiiis! This makes the grade because it is both cameltacular and cheesy in the extreme.

BTW, doing well on Google for camel toe as well.

Those familiar with the JonBenet Ramsay case, the movie Little Miss Sunshine, or Sexually Repressed Eisenhower Maudlinism will recall that an industry exists devoted to the production and promotion of competitions of feminine beauty. Now, whether or not you believe that the best families show their daughters or their spaniels, you must admit that a beauty pageant is, if nothing else, a visually impressive and highly competitive event.

Even in Saudi Arabia.

Now, given your no-doubt intimate familiarity with the Wahabi code, you’re probably raising one, if not two or three eyebrows right now. Indeed, when I heard about the Qahtani tribe’s Mazayen al-Ibl competition, I expected it to look not unlike this:

Saudi vacation snaps

And award the winning beauty a stoning outside the city gates. But nooooooooooooo!

Instead, it looks like this:

Camel market Paul Cockrell

Yes, just as in Wiarton, Ontario the beauty queen is not Miss Wiarton but The Groundhog Queen (no, really, she is) in Guwei’iyya the most beautiful contestant is crowned Miss Camel. The only difference is, theirs more literally embodies the title noun. The Groundhog Queens of my youth (and there, surely, is a phrase you just don’t hear often enough, eh?) were really for the most part not hogs at all, nor, in the manner of small-town beauty queens, were they very grounded.

From Reuters, via the Camel’s Nose:

The legs are long, the eyes are big, the bodies curvaceous.

Contestants in this Saudi-style beauty pageant have all the features you might expect anywhere else in the world, but with one crucial difference — the competitors are camels.

This week, the Qahtani tribe of western Saudi Arabia has been welcoming entrants to its Mazayen al-Ibl competition, a parade of the “most beautiful camels” in the desolate desert region of Guwei’iyya, 120 km (75 miles) west of Riyadh.

“In Lebanon they have Miss Lebanon,” jokes Walid, moderator of the competition’s Web site. “Here we have Miss Camel…”

“Beautiful, beautiful!” the judge mutters quietly to himself, inspecting the group. Finalists have been decorated with silver bands and body covers.

“The nose should be long and droop down, that’s more beautiful,” explains Sultan al-Qahtani, one of the organizers. “The ears should stand back, and the neck should be long. The hump should be high, but slightly to the back.”

Yes, as in all beauty contests, the size and shape of the humps is critical.

it’s never too late: Harry Potter spoiler generator

No, really. It’s never too late. I still haven’t read the last one!

My Harry Potter Spoiler of Doom is:
Draco Malfoy becomes a billionaire in the software market by using Mooncalf dung
Get your Harry Potter Spoiler of Doom

Actually, anyone such as myself who PAID for WindowsME could tell you that this one came true.

Celebrity Mug Shot

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